


1825 days

by Better_Than_Chocolate



Series: Judgement Day [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Drugs, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Prison, Revenge, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-11-04 02:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 83,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17889503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Better_Than_Chocolate/pseuds/Better_Than_Chocolate
Summary: “Lightwood!” Jonathan shouted. He looked towards the man. He was smiling as always but his smile was somehow different now. He forced a smile on his face in return. Jonathan signalled with his hand for him to come over. He clenched his jaws. He wasn’t some fucking dog who jumped when someone whistled but right now he didn’t have a choice. He was about to start moving towards them when someone approached him from behind and whispered into his ears.“Hey pretty boy, why don’t you come with me?” The voice sent completely different kind of shivers down his body. He could smell the guy’s cologne. It was nice.Intoxicating.He closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them, he saw the tension in Jonathan’s whole body. How his hand curled into a fist. He slightly raised his chin up but didn’t say anything. Alec slowly turned around to see the man behind him.***Alec is sentenced for 5 years in prison. He is locked up with people who have blood stuck to their hands.How far is he willing to go to survive?Who will be his allies and his enemies?Will he ever get a chance for a new start?





	1. Convicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stealth - Judgement day

“Hereby, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you have been found guilty of murder. You are sentenced to five years in prison without the possibility to parole.”

The jury kept talking, but Alec couldn’t hear a single word. His heart was beating so loud, his blood was pumping in his ears, all he could hear was the word guilty. He was _guilty_. He murdered someone. He is a murderer. 

“No..no.. Alec…” He could hear her sister crying out as Alec was led out of the court room. He saw his brother as he hugged their sister from behind to hold her back. Saw the pain and suffering in her mother’s eyes as she mutely cried. He looked at them with an apologetic look, but he didn’t know what he was apologising for. There were so many things he should feel sorry for, but at that moment, the only person he truly and utterly felt sorry for was himself. As much as he wanted to say something he couldn’t, he couldn’t open his mouth, god he couldn’t even breath. His throat was dry and he found it hard to swallow. He looked at them for a few seconds before he closed his eyes and turned away. He didn’t want them to see him like this. Hopeless, terrified, hurt. He didn’t want them to remember like this. Like a criminal. _A murderer._

***

The cold handcuffs were hugging his wrists tightly, it almost hurt. He wasn’t expecting much else, he was a convicted murderer. And soon all he will be is a number in the system. An inmate. 

Alec didn’t say a word, he followed the orders he was given without zero resistance. He was sitting in the back of the car that took him to his new home. He was staring out the window, knowing that he won’t have this kind of luxury for years. He watched as the people of New York walked around the streets in a hurry. He watched kids heading home from school with their parents. He watched people sitting in small groups in front of a restaurant, laughing and chatting away. He watched couples affectionately holding hands, stealing kisses from each other. He watched the cars, taxis moving around them. He saw two girls coming out of a boutique with bags. They must have been shopping, gossiping, having a great day. He suddenly felt envious. He wanted it all. He wanted to spend time with his friends on a terrace, he wanted to be on a date, hell he even wanted to do the whole shopping with Izzy. He wanted anything but this. He was jealous of them. Extremely and unspeakably jealous of their freedom. 

He closed his eyes and imagined for a second that he wasn’t going to prison right now, but maybe to the cinema. He could almost hear Izzy and Jace fighting over what movie to watch. He was certain that Izzy would go for an action movie and Jace would be after some gory horror. He also knew that he would have not care. Anything would be okay for him. He just wanted to spend time with them, the movie itself was secondary. 

He sighed as he opened his eyes. He can’t live in a dream world. He knew he wasn’t going to the cinema, not now and not in the foreseeable future. He was going to Rikers Island to the correctional institute. He didn’t want to admit or even think about it, but he was scared, fuck he was terrified. He never even been to detention at college. He didn’t know what to expect. He saw the prison life in movies, but he hoped it was all some made up bullshit. He suddenly wondered if they would give him soap or shower gel. If it’s soap, he will never drop it, if he does, he will let it rot there. No way he would ever pick it up. He smirked. Suddenly imagined Jace saying something totally dumbass thing just so Izzy can comment with some funny and sarcastic comeback. Fuck, he missed them already. He groaned, as he tilted his head back. He is going to be very alone. 

They got there quicker than Alec wanted. A lot lot quicker. By the time he realised he was standing in a room with two prison guards and one of the cops. He had to undress and undergo some routine checks to make sure he had nothing on him that could be used as a weapon, also that he didn’t brought any illegal substances with him. He really wanted to kick himself. He was feeling like an idiot. He knew he blushed as he started to undress, after all he was a shy guy. He had no reason to feel ashamed or shy about his body, but it wasn’t even the reason. He just simply thought that getting naked is not something that someone would do in front of anyone. It was such a private, intimate thing. He was covered in tattoos. Starting from his neck down to his thighs. They already took a ton of pictures of them, it would help to identify him if something goes down to shit, not as he wasn’t in the middle of a shit storm already. 

Once he was undressed and they did all the checks they had to, he was given a uniform. He was more than glad when instead of an orange onesie he received a greenish pair of trousers and two t-shirts, a long and a short-sleeved one in the same colour. He also had a nametag and a number displayed on the right side of his chest. Lightwood 994033329. One of them man told him to memorise that number if he can, but it’s really the last for digit he must know by the top of his heart. He explained that most guards called them by their surnames, but others stick to the numbers. He wasn’t sure what to say to that so just shrugged. He really didn’t give a single fuck. 

Once he dressed up, he was taken to a small room, to get a picture done. It reminded him of getting photos for passport. He always hated those, not because he had any problem with sitting still for a minute and starring into the camera, but because all the teasing Izzy gave him once she had a look at the photo. She always said he looked like some model with his messy black hair, neck tattoo and gorgeous eyes. He always rolled his eyes when his sister teased him about being so damn handsome big brother. Now he would do anything to hear her voice and see her cheeky smile. He sighed as he took a seat on the wiggly chair. He looked around in the small room. It was light. He could see the paint peeling off here and there. Before he could observe it any longer a woman stepped into the room. She was in her thirties. Black and had a nice smile on her face. The first smile Alec got since he got into this hell hole. 

“Hi, I am Catarina. One of the female guards. I know they took photos of you already, but I have to take one as well. It’s procedure.” She said kindly. Alec had no idea why she was nice to him. She must have known the reason of his visit. He just nodded, showing that he understood it. 

“I’m Alec.” He answered realising that she did introduce herself, so it was only fair if he did the same. Her mum would surely shoot her a scolding look, for forgetting his manners. 

“Let me give you an advice. Don’t introduce yourself by your first name to other inmates. Stick to Lightwood. At least until you make friends.” Alec had to hold back a snore. He wasn’t here to make friends. He didn’t have a list of things he planned to do in the upcoming years, but if he would have, making friends wouldn’t be on it. 

“I know what you think. I know you have no intentions of making friends, but five years is a long time. To spend alone. You will need company, whether you want to accept that or not. And trust me, in this place.. alone..you won’t last for long.” She smiled with a smile that could hold loads of things, sorry, pity… and Alec didn’t need any of those. 

“Right... Ready? 3…2…1 

***

“5:30-6:30 AM: Breakfast, a.k.a. ‘chow time’, and the start of most guys’ day. The breakfast isn’t first class, some of the guys don’t even bother to show up, which is fine. 

6:30-7:15 AM: Start of the day, this means different things to everyone, some people spend this time with praying, others get a shower. Each to their own. 

7:15-8:00 AM: people who are sick get their medications at this time, the rest can prepare for work or do whatever they want. 

8:00 AM-1:00 PM: Work. I’m sure we will quickly find something for you. Your counsellor will help you to determine which job would be the most suitable for you and will place you in one of the groups accordingly. 

1:00 PM – 2:00 PM: lunch. 

2:00-3:00 PM: Shower and prepare for either a self-help group or college class. Again, it’s up to you and your counsellor where you’ll end up, we offer different classes for people who had no education previously and wish to gain some sort of certificate to boost their chances once they get released.” 

Alec didn’t want to interrupt so he decided not to mention his university degree. 

“3:00-5:00 PM: Self-help group or college class. 

5:00-6:00 PM: Dinner. It tends to be better than the breakfast so I would go if I were you. 

6:00-8:00 PM: Another self-help group or college class. 

8:00-9:00 PM: Socialize with friends or use the prison phone to talk to your loved ones. Each phone call is restricted to 5 mins. I know it doesn’t sound much, but we had some issues last month due to the non-existing restrictions when it came to phone calls so for now, this is all you have. 

9:00 PM: All inmates are locked in their cells or dorm until breakfast. 

9:00-11:00 PM: Watch T.V., listen to music or write a letter. So basically you have an hour free time to do whatever you want. As long as it’s legal and doesn’t interfere with prison rules. Obviously. 

_Obviously._

11 PM. Lights out. 

We also have counts as you probably expected. There are 5 types. 

The official counts happen several times a day, during these times you are required to return to your cell or bunk are and stand next to you bed. On the weekends it happens at 10.30am, 4pm and 9pm. On week days there is one before breakfast. Before work. Before lunch. Before dinner. And just before bed time. 

There are census counts. These happen daily as well but doesn’t require you to go back to your unit. You, however, have to stand up still and wait to be counted. It takes place at 12.40pm and 3.40pm. It’s mainly to make sure that you guys are attending the activities, you mean to attend like work or classes. Lockdown counts also happen, however as the name suggests it is during lockdown when something happens. 

We have bed book counts too. They generally rare, it only happens when a particular housing unit has several recounts which don’t match up with the correct number. The guard comes around with a three-ring binder that has each prisoner’s photo and unique number on it. You will be expected to call your number out as well as your surname, so I suggest you to learn it if you can to make it easier for..well for everyone. 

We occasionally have fog/adverse weather counts. It is pretty self explanatory. In bad weather conditions you are required to return to your unit immediately, get counted and stay there until the weather conditions improve enough so you can leave your unit. 

Last but not least, are the emergency counts. It happens when someone is missing or if it is feared that someone has escaped. Also, in case of murder or suicide.” 

Alec listened to the youngish guy as he explained him a daily routine. He had no problem with following schedules so it shouldn’t be causing any issues. He hoped at least. As the guy talked through all the different information they were heading to his unit. He was put into the C block, unit 9. There were 10 units in each block and roughly 50 inmates per block, which meant that he was going to share the unit with 4 other strangers. It sucked that he didn’t know what to expect and it did make him nervous as well. He previously asked the guy if blocks have any meaning or it is just a system. It turned out that there were five blocks all together. Going from A to E. Inmates in the A block were the least dangerous ones, their crimes involved no violence what so ever, it was more like robbery or fraud. People in the B block were more dangerous, they were there for committing violence like physical assaults. The block he was in was holding people who committed murder. The idea of being surrounded with murderers sent shivers down on his spine. The D block was the home for sick bastards. Mass murderers, serial killers, people involved with rape, sexual assaults and the lowest of the low, paedophiles. Alec could feel his stomach making a back flip from the thought of that place. 

The E block was the Special Housing Unit, also known as the ‘hole’. And the last place Alec ever wanted to end up, if we don’t count the D block. 

“Ehm…” Alec started, unsure of how to word his question. 

“Yeah?” The guy stopped and look him up. He had big eyes, he looked so innocent and good, Alec didn’t even understood how a guy like him ended up in a place like this, even if he was in the good team. 

“The guys..in my unit? What..what are they like?” He finally managed to ask the question that was bothering him since the moment he got here. 

“I’ll be honest with you. If I could choose a unit.. it would probably be the last one I would choose.” Alec wished the guy wouldn’t be so honest. He wanted some reassuring white lies about them being not too bad and that he could have got worse, but by the look of it, it wasn’t his day. 

“One of the guys, is..kind of a top dog.” He explained. 

“What?” Alec frowned. 

“Top dog,you know. The man. The top player. The alpha. The top of the food chain, the -” He kept going on but Alec cut him off. 

“I know what a top dog is. I was asking about the ‘kind of’ part.” He said before the guy decided to list all the existed synonym for a top dog. 

“Oh. Well.. not everyone sees him as a top dog, especially since his father is gone.” 

“Gone?” He asked with suspicion. 

“D block.” Alec thought of the quote “Knowledge is power” and suddenly decided that he never ever heard of a biggest bullshit in his life, because right now, he wished he wouldn’t know anything. 

“Look..” The guy said just before they reached Alec unit. He seemed nervous and somehow unsure, which made Alec nervous too. He could feel his palm starting to sweat. 

“You don’t look like a bad guy, although you could easily be, I don’t know you, and you are here for a reason. But you need to watch your back with him. You need friends, allies.. look for M-“ 

“Simon..Simon, Simon says what?” A cheerful voice interrupted them. A guy suddenly appeared out of the fucking blue and started to walk towards them. Alec felt the hair on his arms standing up, his whole body screamed as he looked at the stranger. He could see danger and threat in his dark eyes and he felt something disturbing about the way he smiled.. it almost looked wicked, _evil._


	2. Lightwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twenty one pilots - heathens

“Jonathan..” Simon said as he looked in him in the eye.

“Morgenstern to you.” The boy said as he reached them. His voice was almost nice and friendly, but Alec was more than sure that it was far from it. 

“And Lewis to you, inmate.” Simon said and Alec gapped at his bold behaviour, but then quickly composed himself. He felt absolute respect for the boy. He didn’t let a prisoner to walk over him and make him a bitch. He clearly stated who the boss is and by the look of it, the Morgenstern boy wasn’t too happy about the little reminder. 

“So? Who is our new roomie?” He looked at Alec and tilted his head slightly as he measured him from head to toe. 

“Lightwood.” Alec said and pointed to his name tag. 

“I can read, don’t worry. But it is nicer to formally introduce ourselves, since we gonna spend some time together, now isn’t it?” He asked, still smiling and Alec wished he would stop smiling, it was so disturbing and sickening, there was nothing honest about it. 

“Totally.” Alec said and forced a smile on his face despite the urge to run as far as he can from this unit. 

“I let you settle in. Your counsellor will want to meet you at 2pm, so in 15 mins roughly. I’ll come back to you and then once you are done, I’ll show you around.” 

Simon said and quickly turned on his heels to leave. Alec totally got it, he would love to do the same. He wouldn’t stop till he is at least a few states away from the guy, but he didn’t have that option available. 

“Come. I’ll show you your room.” The boy said, turning around, not waiting for an answer. It wasn’t a question at the end anyway. It was a command. There was no place to protest. 

All the units were identical, the main cell opened into an average sized area, with a small table, a run-down couch, a few chairs and an old tv on the wall. There was also a cabinet on the right side with a kettle, 5 white mugs and some jars, probably filled with sugar and coffee. There were five doors on the left-hand side, each leading into a small room which only contained a single bed, a bedside table and a bookshelf. It only had 5 shelves where they could put their personal belongings. 

“Here we are. Home sweet home. – he said as he led him into the second room. - You don’t seem like an idiot, so I only tell you once. Do not touch anything that’s mine. The guy before you wasn’t so smart to understand that, and well.. can you see him anywhere?” He smiled and Alec swallowed, hoping that the other didn’t pick up on his frustration. 

“I won’t touch anything that isn’t mine.” He said following it up with a nod. 

“Now..now..Lightwood. Everything in here is mine. You touch what I let you to touch.” Jonathan’s smile was gone from one second to another. 

Alec didn’t say anything just looked at the guy, he hated him already, more than he ever hated anyone, not if he was really a hateful person, on the contrary, behind his anti-social and sarcastic mask he was actually really loving and caring. 

“Clear.” He said looking emotionless and careless, even tho inside he was fuming and cursing, 

“I can already tell, we will get along perfectly fine.” His smile came back full on as he grabbed his shoulder and slightly squeezed it. Alec’s whole body protested against the unwanted touch as he wondered how he will survive here for years, closed up with a real psycho. 

***

He didn’t really have much time to think about the situation as Johnathan introduced him to the others in their unit, to be honest he couldn’t remember their names as he didn’t care at all. He tried to keep the contact to minimal. 

Half an hour later he found himself sitting in an average sized office, waiting for his counsellor. He didn’t know what to expect from the man. Simon said he was good at his job and as far as he knew pretty much everyone got on well with the man. That was enough for him to calm his nerves as he fidgeted with his fingers while he waited. His day wasn’t going good so far and Jonathan gave him the creeps, he only hoped to survive the first day trying not to think what the future possibly holds. Just one day at a time. Baby steps. 

“Sorry for running late. One of the inmates had some last-minute panic slash question attack before his release and I had to talk to him.” Alec turned around to see the man who just entered the office. 

“You must be Lightwood.” 

“Yes.” He said, didn’t know what else to add. 

“Ragnor Fell.” 

“Nice to meet you Mr Fell.” He said offering a hand to the man who willingly shook it. 

“I am not fan of being called that informal. I don’t mind being called Ragnor, as long as you give me respect I shall be respectful as well, but I don’t think the said respect is based on how we call each other.” Alec nodded and started to understand why the other inmates liked him. He wasn’t being an ass, he wasn’t showing forced authority. He showed respect and that’s what he was expecting in return. 

“Thank you. I would prefer being called Alec in that case.” He added with a smile. 

“Good. Now, Alec. Tell me how you find things so far?” He asked as he crossed his legs, sitting opposite to Alec in his office chair. 

“Ehm.. Lewis explained to me the schedule and things about the counting. He said he will give me a tour after our session. He was friendly.” 

“He is a good kid. But make no mistake, you don’t want to get on his bad side. He might look naïve and like a college kid, but he takes no shit. But that applies to everyone.” He added. 

“I don’t plan to cross with him. Or anyone.” He added the last bit quickly. He wanted to make sure Ragnor was aware that he won’t be a trouble to anyone and that he will try everything to behave and stay low to the ground. 

“Very well. The money your family sent came through without a problem so I will make sure the system is updated so you can purchase toiletries from the shop and what not. Nothing is free apart from the food that you get three times a day. There are plenty of things available in the shop, snacks, magazines. ecetera. They will check your balance based on your unique inmate number, they will also let you know if your balance is below $10. You can request your family to send you money through phone calls, visiting times or letters. The shop is open each day from 2:00-3:00 and 8:00-9:00. You can have a look at the supplies later when Simon shows you around. I want to go through things and discuss your options in terms of work place and classes…” 

They talked about loads of things. It was a lot at once, but he tried to take mental notes. They roughly spent two hours going through everything that had to be discussed on his first day. 

Ragnor explained to him the visiting times. There are two times each month, usually a Saturday, unless it was some sort of public holiday, when he can take visitors, an hour each time. In order to have a visitor he had to fill out a visitor request sheet to add people to his visitor list. Only people he allows can visit him which suited him just perfectly, he didn’t plan to request visitors any time soon. He loved his siblings and he loved his mum so much, but he will never be able to accept the situation he is in if he doesn’t give some time for himself to adjust. He was selfish, he knew it, but he didn’t care. He will reach out for them when he feels ready to face them. 

It wasn’t too hard to find a job for him since he didn’t mind doing anything in particular, apart from doing gardening or anything in the kitchen. He could cook but only because he wanted to survive as a teenager and with his sister’s cooking skill – or the lack of it - it was rather impossible. She was perfect in every way and was very talented in loads of things but when it came to cooking… well lets say she could easily end up in a prison as well, because that skill of hers was definitely deadly. Ragnor even cracked a smile when he mentioned how he and Jace had a close encounter with the grim reaper when she surprised them with some home-made food for the first time. 

Gardening was just generally something he didn’t like, he enjoyed being outside but constantly bending and kneeling with his height was a torture. 

He let Ragnor to put him in anywhere, where they needed an extra pair of hands. They weren’t working on Saturdays, that period was given as free time. 

When he told him about the degree he had, he nodded in approval and he couldn’t deny the slight pride he felt when he revealed that, in fact, he wasn’t stupid at all or undereducated. They decided that he would take some classes in social studies and psychology. He always found them interesting even if he never persuaded those interests. 

He also talked about his passion towards archery, but for obvious reasons that was out of the picture. Ragnor mentioned yoga as it is similar in some ways. He couldn’t really imagine himself doing yoga, but for the sake of piece he promised to take a look at it at some point. He had plenty of time after all. 5 fucking years… 

He was told that some of the evening classes were more like group activities either hold by one of the inmates or an outsider. They could engage in all sort of different activities as long as there was interest showed by at least 10 inmates. He was given a list of available activities he could do but he didn’t really care at this point. 

Ragnor told him that he will let him know after dinner where he will be working from tomorrow. They said their goodbyes when Simon knocked on the door around 4.00. 

***

He seemed to be in a bad mood, but Alec didn’t want to ask about it. It wasn’t his business. They walked together as he pointed out the different parts, the shop, the bathrooms, the different workplaces, the different class rooms, the garden, the back yard where he could run or do weights, he showed him the kitchen and the canteen as well as the main offices. 

“What is that?” Alec suddenly asked when they passed a red button for the fifth time. 

“Oh crap.. almost forgot about it. Those are the.. emergency buttons. If the shit kicks in eg. Someone gets into a fight, you feel under threat, someone gets sick or something emergency-like happens, you press it. Look, people will tell you not to press it, no matter what. And I get it, you probably feel like pressing it is indeed a bad idea and you won’t make friends if you do so, but it can save lives. Sometimes yours. So don’t listen to what others say, follow your guts.” He said and he looked determined and serious about it. Alec knew what he meant. 

He saw enough movies to know that if you press it you become a traitor, a bitch, a weak, pathetic little piece of shit who runs and hides under mummy’s skirt by calling the guards. He knew he will never press it for his own sake. Five years is an awful lot of time to be a moving target for people who killed before and he didn’t plan to become a prey. 

Before they parted Simon went back with him to the shop to make sure his account was ready and Alec purchased a few things that was essential, toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, two towels, a pair of flip flops for showering, a brush and some aftershave. Really just the most important things. 

He didn’t want to buy anything special in case someone tried to steal it. Once he was left alone, he went back to his unit. The others were still attending the afternoon classes, so he was all alone in their place. He knew that he should enjoy this moment because it won’t happen again any time soon. He didn’t know what to do really. He didn’t know whether to put his stuff on the shelves or hide them under his mattress. He laughed at how pathetic he was about the whole thing and decided to put them in the bed side table’s drawer. It’s not displayed but not obviously hidden. The golden mean. He nailed it. 

He decided to get a shower before heading for dinner. He didn’t really want to shower together with everyone, although it was inevitable from tomorrow. Deciding to enjoy his first and last chance of privacy he quickly grabbed what he needed and hurried towards the bathroom. 

***

It was empty as he expected it to be. Not wanting to waste his time he got undressed and hopped under the shower. It wasn’t cold but wasn’t hot enough to spend long time in there. He was done in three minutes. Hr was about to put his t-shirt on when he heard voices from outside and froze in the middle of his movement. 

“I get a quick shower before the vermin show up.” A monotone voice stated. 

“I come with you.” Someone else replied straight away. 

“The whole point of coming here before dinner is to be alone. I don’t need a babysitter to watch me.” It sounded bored and sarcastic to Alec’s ears. 

“I don’t even know why I put up with you.” 

“That makes the two of us. I’ll be in and out in five minutes. If I’m not at the table in 10 minutes you can slap every red button you can find.” 

“The only thing I will slap is you… see you in 10.” The other voice said in a mocking tone and after a few seconds of silence a man opened the door. 

Alec couldn’t see who came in because the wall was covering him but that also meant whoever came in couldn’t see him either. He quickly pulled his t-shirt on before his presence was revealed. 

“Oh.” The boy sounded surprised when he spotted him. He looked young. Like very young and Alec wondered for a second, what he was doing in here, he should be in school not a prison. 

“Hi. Sorry, I was just finishing.” He said as he quickly picked up his things. 

“Are you new?” The boy asked frowning. 

“Yes. First day.. Lightwood.” He hold his hand out and at the same moment he wanted to pull it back. He wasn’t sure if being this overly friendly was doing any good to him. 

“I can tell you are new. It’s not common to greet someone or apologise.” He said with a bored expression on his face and before Alec could withdraw his hand the boy took it. 

“Santiago.” He added as they shook hands. 

The door burst open when two guys came in. They looked older than both of them, probably in their thirties. Alec only needed to take one look at them but he felt no urge to introduce himself. 

“Santiago.. what are you doing here alone?” One of the men said as he threw his arm over the boy’s shoulder. 

“Get your hands off me Wilson.” He said as he stepped to the side shrugging off the unwanted contact. 

“Or what?” The man pushed him and the boy needed to step back to regain his lost balance. 

“Leave him alone.” Alec heard his own voice. He suddenly turned into protective brother mode, seeing someone younger than him being bothered. 

“And who the fuck are you?” The other man, who was silent until now asked and took a step closer to him. 

“Leave it Lightwood.” Santiago said it through his teeth, clearly frustrated. 

“Ahh how nice, the two little boy, watching each other’s back.” 

“Yeah.. cause your little dick measuring contest is really men like.” Alec said and rolled his eyes before stepping aside to pass the two men. He was silently counting to himself, hoping it would help with his nerves..1…2…3.. suddenly one of the guys grabbed his arm and pulled him strong. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” He growled into Alec’s face. 4..5.. _fuck it_

He pushed the man until his back hit the cold tile, placing one arm under his chin, firmly pressing on his Adam’s apple, making it hard for him to breath. 

“I’m the guy who doesn’t like people fucking with him. So back off.” He was in the guy’s face as he talked, pressing him stronger and stronger into the wall to make sure the message gets through. 

A second later he let him go and the guy almost slid down along the wall, but he managed to stand on his feet. 

“Clear?” he looked at him than his friend. 

“Clear.” The latter said and stepped aside allowing the two boys to leave in peace. 

“Dios Mio.. you are fucking insane. You don’t know me at all. I didn’t need your help,” Santiago said once they were on the other side of the door. 

“I-I know..I’m sorry.” He run his hand through his hair as his brain finally caught up with his actions. 

“Why the fuck would you help someone you don’t even know?” The boy was surprised and looked at him like he was an idiot. Probably he was. 

“I don’t know. I just thought it wasn’t fair. Two against one and all, and they started.” He tried to explain. He was nervous. He wanted to stay invisible and then here we are, less than 12 hours later already in the middle of some drama. 

“You are really stupid.” 

“I know..” he looked down, not wanting to face the other man. He felt really stupid indeed. 

“But thank you.” He suddenly looked up at saw the guy nodding before he turned around and left. 

***

“Well now that was quick one Raphael, I admit I was a bit sceptical with that ten minutes but it wasn’t even five.” 

“Well I never got the chance to shower.” He said as he sat down next to the man. 

“What do you mean? Is there no water?” “Don’t be an idiot Magnus. Wilson and his friend came in just a minute after me, they probably followed us, wanting some revenge for what happened last week.” 

“Did they hit you? I told you I should have stay.” He was angry, his eyes already looking for the two men. 

“No. The new guy stood up for me.” He said it with a neutral tone, seemingly careless. 

“What?” Magnus looked at him, suddenly forgetting about the revenge he was planning against the two men. Raphael almost cracked a smile seeing his reaction but that would have spoil the fun part of story telling, so instead he kept going. 

“His name is Lightwood. He was in there by the time I got there. He was just about to leave, when those two douchebags showed up and started their usual shit, he decided to defend me.” 

Magnus didn’t say anything, just looked at the younger man. He never heard anyone who decided to protect someone on their first day. Some of them didn’t even do it after years of being in prison. 

“The guy has balls. He pressed Wilson into the wall with his bare hand and told him where to stick it. Then we left. I told him how stupid he is then thanked him.” He finished and waited for Magnus’ reaction. 

“Well just because you managed to get away from it this time, your guardian angel won’t always be there to save your ass. I’ll keep my eyes on you.” He said as he rubbed his middle finger and thumb together in circles. He was starring into the space, getting lost in his thoughts. He didn’t know who the new guy was, he knew someone new was coming and he also knew he was placed in unit 9 with Jonathan and his crew but didn’t really thought much about it until now. New people arrive every now and on, there was nothing unusual about it. But this man..he was something else. He had to meet him. Even if just to say thank you for watching Raphael’s back when he wasn’t there to do it himself. 


	3. I owe you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyhey  
> First of all, thank you very much for the lovely comments, it means the world to me! 😊  
> This story is kind of a slow burn one in terms of Malec, but in prison wise it will go from 0-100 in a blink of an eye. Things will get very dirty very quickly, so maybe I will eventually starting to add notes at the beginning. I don’t want to use archive warnings or tags as I hate spoilers. I wasn’t even planning to add notes about what will be happening, but it might be needed. This is something I want to ask you guys about. If you feel that you want to be warned later on, when the shit kicks in, please let me know in the comments. If you are happy enough to go in blind, then its more than okay with me.  
> Thanks for the attention :D  
> Enjoy the new chapter!  
> Kudos, comments and bookmarks are always appreciated 🖤

Alec headed towards the canteen when Ragnor approached him. He was suddenly nervous. He didn’t think the words would spread this quick. He ducked his head, ready for being told off for his careless action, aka getting into an almost fight on his first day.

But instead of the scolding Ragnor just told him about his new job. He sighed in relief. 

“I need someone in the laundry room.” He started. “You would pretty much do a repetitive job of loading and unloading the washing and drying machine and folding clothes. Pretty straight forward. There are nine other inmates with you.” He said watching his watch in every few seconds. 

“Anyone from my unit?” He asked trying not to sound too desperate. 

“No.” It was the best news he heard the whole day. He will have a few hours each day away from the madness. 

“Thank you.” He said hoping Ragnor will understand it. 

The older man just nodded and after a few more words he apologised because he had something to do somewhere else and he was already running late. Alec was standing in front of the double doors, feeling slightly nervous, he raised his hand to push the doors open when someone called out for him. 

“Lightwood.” He turned around and found Lewis rushing towards him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked as he checked out the man. He looked like shit and his clothes looked a bit rumpled. 

“All good. Had to stop two inmates from getting into a fight, nothing out of ordinary. I just wanted to talk to you for a second.” He said as he looked around making sure no one was around. 

“Yeah? Is something wrong?” Alec was nervous, he was lucky before with Ragnor but he wasn’t sure how long his luck would last. 

“I heard rumours. – Alec opened his mouth to explain what happened, but Lewis raised his hand, not giving him a chance to cut him off – Jonathan wants you to do something for him. I don’t know what, but I guess he wants you to undergo some sort of initiation ritual. I don’t know. But I’m sure he won’t ask you to drink 10 beer in a minute.” He said with a sarcastic tone. “There is a guy. He can help. He is the top dog. The real one. Not like Jonathan. He is respected. I’m not saying he is all innocent, but he has the brain. He is smart. Dangerous if you cross with him indeed but doesn’t attack for the sake of it. He is a good guy, as much as someone in here can be. Look for him. His name is Magnus.” He said, his voice rushed as he constantly looked around, being scared of someone eavesdropping. 

“Okay.” It was all Alec could say. 

“Go. Find him as soon as you can.” He said quickly before the door opened and a few guys came out. Lewis stepped away from Alec and nodded before turning around and leaving. 

Alec was a wreck. He was slightly shaking. He didn’t know what Jonathan had in mind but whatever it was could surely add a few more years to his sentence if he gets caught and he couldn’t risk that. He pushed the door open and stepped into the canteen. 

*** 

He looked around once he stepped inside. He couldn’t see Jonathan or any of his roommates and he was fucking grateful for that. Most of the men was middle aged. Seemed like everyone was in different clicks. He saw some guys with neck tattoos, they seemed to sit at the far end. Their tattoos was identical to the one that Jonathan had, a red circle on the left side. He wondered if it was some gang thing or what. He had tattoos as well. He unwittingly touched the black marks on the side of his neck. It was a tattoo he shared with his siblings. His was on the neck, Izzy had hers on her neck s well, buts on a slightly different place, just above her collar bone whereas Jace wore his on his arm. Having tattoos was on of the thing he shared with his siblings They were very different, but all of them had passion for getting permanent marks on their bodies. As he thought about it more, he decided to get a new one once he is out. Something to remind him of his past and the price he had to pay. If he’ll survive it of course. 

He kept gazing the crowd. He tried to observe the others to see who could be a potential threat or trouble later on. He didn’t plan to cross with anyone, but he knew that being in a community, especially not freely, can easily bring the bad side out of people. He looked for the ones who seemed the strongest physically. He wasn’t weak and knew how to fight, but the power was always in numbers. No matter how strong he was, he had no chance against 3 or more launching at him at the same time. 

He was looking for someone and finally spotted the familiar face. The boy was standing next to the cutleries. He walked over with long and quick steps. He nervously licked his lip before started to talk. 

“I need your help.” 

The boy raised an eyebrow, his face was blank. 

“Come again?” He finally said. 

“I..Jonathan. He.. he has a plan. I don’t know what he wants. He wants me to do something. I can’t.. I don’t..” He stuttered when Santiago grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. 

“Are you really this fucking stupid or you just want to die?” He leaned close to him as he muttered the words through his teeth. “Keep your fucking voice down and get your shit together. Stop whining and map up.” He said angrily. Alec just swallowed and nodded. 

“How do you know he is up to something?” Santiago asked after a few seconds, he managed to calm down. 

“I got a.. someone warned me.” He finished, not wanting to reveal his informer’s true identity. He owed that much to him. 

“Okay.. and how much can you trust someone on your first day with something like this being genuine?” The question was fair. 

“I just do. Even if it turns out to be a false call.. better safe than sorry.” He didn’t want to risk ignoring it in case it does turn out to be true. 

“Okay.” Santiago said with a nod and looked away from Alec and then continued. 

“Listen..you are a good guy, I am grateful for what you did. Really. But I’m not out of my mind. I’m not gonna risk crossing with Morgenstern just because you are in some deep shit.” He let Alec go and walked away. 

He was naïve and stupid to think that someone would stand up for him as well. He cursed as he grabbed a tray and stood in the line. 

***

He was waiting patiently for his turn when the door opened and Jonathan and the rest of his gang walked in, seemingly in a good mood, laughing and chatting. They didn’t see him straight away, so they walked to their, assumingly, usual spot. He couldn’t know it for sure but thought that there must be some sort of system with the tables. 

They sat at the windows. People clearly showing obedience as they passed the other tables. Some of the guys even bowed their heads when Jonathan walked passed them. He had to keep back a snoring laugh. They all seemed pathetic. Jonathan didn’t look dangerous. He was shorter than Alec, had a slim body. He was sure that in a one on one fight he could easily defeat him. He remembered Lewis words’ from earlier about his father and was sure that the respect he got was rather due to this dad, which made it even more ridiculous in Alec’s opinion. Sure, the guy was bat shit crazy, he knew he was capable of doing unspeakably terrible things which was more than enough to make Alec’s skin crawl but couldn’t stop wondering where he would be without his connections. Not as it really mattered, everyone knew that in prison it was all about connections, about allies. 

Alec looked to the other side of the canteen and spotted Santiago sitting there with his ‘friends’. They didn’t seem to be that eager to start kissing Jonathan’s ass. The boy was talking to someone. He looked angry, nervous and tense. He couldn’t see the man Santiago was talking to as he was showing his back to Alec. Suddenly his eyes caught Santiago’s and he quickly turned his gaze away. He didn’t want to come across like someone cunning, helping the boy just so he will help him as well. 

He understood that he didn’t want to put himself on the line for him and he didn’t blame him for it. 

He was next in the line. The guy serving his food greeted him, he looked friendly enough, so Alec cracked a smile as he introduced himself. 

“Lightwood!” Jonathan shouted. He looked towards the man. He was smiling as always but his smile was somehow different now. He forced a smile on his face in return. Jonathan signalled with his hand for him to come over. He clenched his jaws. He wasn’t some fucking dog who jumped when someone whistled but right now he didn’t have a choice. He was about to start moving towards them when someone approached him from behind and whispered into his ears. 

“Hey pretty boy, why don’t you come with me?” The voice sent completely different kind of shivers down his body. He could smell the guy’s cologne. It was nice. _Intoxicating._

He closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them, he saw the tension in Jonathan’s whole body. How his hand curled into a fist. He slightly raised his chin up but didn’t say anything. Alec slowly turned around to see the man behind him. 

The man had some Asian features. His skin was a caramel colour and Alec was surprised to see that he was wearing some make up, black eyeliner just but still. His hair was in a mohawk and the ends of his dark hair were tainted red. He really stood out. He was attractive. Fuck he was definitely attracting Alec’s attention already. The man was definitely not his type, but there was just something about him. 

“What do you say?” The man smiled and Alec felt his heart beating faster. 

Alec wanted to say yes, more than anything, but wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. If what Simon said was true, with this Alec would definitely get on the wrong side of Jonathan even more. He was about to decline the offer when he spotted the man’s name tag. Magnus. _Screw the consequences._

“Sure.” He smiled as well and followed the man to their table, away from Jonathan. 

As they reached the spot Santiago looked at Magnus and shook his head. 

“Dios Mio. Tonto de culo Eres tan estupido como un perro..” He said in Spanish and left before anyone could react. 

Magnus just smiled as the boy walked away and took his seat. There was only one spot left, next to the said man. 

“Take a seat darling. I don’t bite. Not unless you want me to.” He winked. 

Alec nervously licked his lips as he took a seat. He found the man, well, the man found him, but he wasn’t sure how to go from here. He didn’t know if he can be just upfront with him and tell him what Simon said or if he should be a bit more cryptic about it. 

“Let me introduce you to the guys-the man said as he started to point at the different men surrounding them- This is Garroway.” He said and the older man offered a hand to Alec who willingly shook it. 

“Lightwood.” Alec said with a smile. Magnus introduced some of the others, but Alec couldn’t really keep track of the names, he however remembered one of them, even if the guy was nothing special. 

“This is Elias.” When Magnus said his hand stroke the other man’s arm affectionately. Alec wasn’t sure if it was his usual way of being around people, or there was something more to it, something private and intimate perhaps, however he didn’t have time to dwell on the question too much as Magnus kept going with the names. 

“The guy who served you is Meliorn, he is known for his up-front honesty, but don’t be fooled, just because he doesn’t lie it doesn’t mean he can’t deceive you. He plays with the words like no one else. You met Raphael as well as I heard.” He added cheerfully. 

Alec just nodded. It was true, they did meet. Alec wondered if the boy told Magnus about his request earlier. 

“Thank you.” He said as he leaned closer to Alec. He just looked him in the eye. His eyes were beautiful. 

“For what?” He asked once he found his voice. 

“For saving his ungrateful ass.” 

“Any one would have done the same.” He said as he blushed, he wasn’t used to compliments. 

“You are wrong. It’s the opposite. Probably no one would have done it. Apart from us of course.” Magnus said, there was no smile playing on his lips this time. He was serious and Alec realised where he was at that moment. In a fucking prison. His naivety was on an other level. 

“Okay you are right. But I had to.” He was biting his lip. 

“Why?” Magnus looked genuinely surprised and interested. 

“He sort of reminded me of my sister.” Alec said finally so quietly he wondered if the man understood his words. 

He thought about standing up for the boy earlier. It was totally irrational, yet he did. He realised it was probably because despite of being a completely different character from Isabelle, somehow, he saw her in him. He sighed. It was too soon for him to go insane due to the lack of his siblings. He missed them so much, he had no idea how he’s gonna survive five years without them. It seemed so much. Too much. 

“Jonathan wants to trick you into murdering a guy from unit 2.” Magnus said and Alec jaws dropped. He blinked at the older man in disbelieve. That statement came out of fucking nowhere. 

“What?” He asked and could feel his pulse fastening. 

“They had some conflicts. The guy is a junky. When Jonathan said he can’t bring anymore in for a week he almost attacked him. Nothing happened, but he wants to set an example. To show what happens to those who turn on him. And you are new. You have to prove your rightful place in his gang.-He grimaced as he said the last words-Two birds with one stone.” He finished. 

“I don’t want to be in his gang.” Alec said and grabbed Magnus’ arm. The man followed his movement with his eyes and looked at Alec’s hand as his fingers curled around his wrist. Alec, realising what he was doing, quickly pulled his hand back. He didn’t know why he touched him especially this suddenly and vehemently. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.. I didn’t wan to..” He stuttered and was about to get up when the older man grabbed his wrist. 

“He won’t hurt you. _I owe you_ , and I hate being in dept. I’ll make sure his plan goes down the toilet for today, but that’s it. From tomorrow you are on your own.” Magnus looked into Alec’s eyes and they starred at each other for a couple of moments before the older man suddenly let go of Alec and leaned back in his chair. He told him what he wanted. He was done.


	4. Not done yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a terrible migraine while writing this chapter. (That's why Alec had one too, it wasn't originally part of the story whatsoever.)   
> Hence, no music.

It would be a lie to say that he wasn’t doubting whether or not the man can keep his promise, but he did. The guy from unit 2 was safe for tonight and so was he.

Jonathan didn’t talk to him after the incident in the canteen, what was even stranger that he literally avoided Alec afterwards. 

The rest of the guys looked at him when he got back to his unit, but no one talked to him. He was grateful for that. He was exhausted. It was the longest day in his life. It felt like weeks passed since he arrived. 

***

The next morning, he was standing half asleep for the counting. He growled as the guard came in for the second time to do a recount. He just wanted to go back to bed, his head was throbbing with a hell of a pain. 

He was debating whether or not to get breakfast. He wasn’t sure which would be more helpful, some extra sleep or some food. He ran his fingers through his messy hair as he pulled on his uniform. 

He can always take a nap later. 

He walked towards the canteen and seen Santiago approaching him along with Magnus. He wanted to thank the man, but the crowded corridor didn’t seem like the best choice for their encounter. 

“You look like shit.” Raphael said matter-of-factly and Alec rolled his eyes in response. He regretted it straightaway as the pain hit him stronger. He grimaced and brought his hands up to his face, slightly pressing his head hoping it would ease the pain. 

“Are you alright?” Magnus asked as he tried to look into his eyes through his fingers. 

“All good. Just some headache.” He muttered as he took his hands away from his face. 

“Go see the nurse after breakfast. I’m sure she has some painkillers.” Raphael said as he started to head towards the canteen. 

The breakfast wasn’t really first class, he had to give that to Lewis. It was some bread, butter, some kind of meet and a few slices of cucumber. 

He decided to sit alone. Neither Magnus nor Raphael invited him along and after last night he wasn’t sure if he would be welcomed. 

He found it hard to keep his eyes open in the bright light. Every noise felt like a knife going through his brain. Maybe food wasn’t a good idea. In his current state he was afraid he couldn’t keep it down for too long. 

“Can I?” Someone asked and Alec opened his eyes to look at the newcomer. The man had a darker skin tone and was short, a lot shorter than Alec, not as if that many people would be taller than him. 

“Sure.” Alec said trying to keep talking to minimal. 

“Thanks.” The man smiled and took a seat. Alec looked at him, trying to think if they met before. He didn’t have a tattoo on his neck, so chances were good that he wasn’t from Jonathan’s gang, on the other hand he couldn’t recall seeing his face or learning his name when Magnus introduced his people the other night. 

“Raj.” The man held a hand out to Alec. 

“Lightwood.” He said. 

“I know. You stand out.” He smiled and Alec wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing. 

He didn’t know what to say to that, so he just quietly returned to his food. 

“How old are you?” The man asked after a few minutes and Alec whished he would have stayed in bed. He wasn’t really in the mood for chatting. 

“25.” He answered after a while. 

“Oh, you are older than I thought. I’m 27.” Raj added and Alec nodded. He really didn’t care. He knew he should be a bit nicer, but his headache wasn’t really helping. 

“So, what did you do?” If the other man picked up on Alec’s reluctance to talk, he didn’t show any sign of it. 

“And you?” Alec asked raising an eyebrow. 

“Okay. I get it. You don’t want to talk about it.” He laughed. 

“You are right, I don’t. And I finished. So, if you excuse me.” Alec stood up not waiting for an answer and placed his tray on an empty shelf and left without looking behind. 

He rushed to the nurse who opened the door after the first knock. 

“Medications will be given out in 10 minutes.” She said as he looked at Alec with a slightly bored expression. 

“I know.. I’m sorry. I was just wondering if you could give me some painkillers. My head is killing me and I feel like if I have to wait for another minute I will be pulling my hair out.” He confessed as he buried his face in his hands. 

“I see. Give me a second. I see what I can do.” She said and disappeared behind the door. She came back with a two plastic cups, one containing two pills and the other with some water. 

“Here. This should ease the pain. Give it half an hour. If the pain isn’t gone in an hour come back to me before your shift starts.” She said quickly and as soon as Alec muttered out a thanks, she closed her door. 

She wasn’t the nicest person he ever met but was grateful for the help anyway. 

***

The cold treatment from Jonathan was still in place. He didn’t acknowledged Alec the whole morning. It was ten to 8 when he headed to the laundry room. Five more hours without him. His second day was definitely going a lot better than the first one. 

Once he got to work, all the others were there. To Alec’s surprise Magnus, Santiago and Garroway were all working in the laundry room along with some others he couldn’t name. 

“I told Ragnor I need an extra person but wasn’t expecting you.” Magnus’ voice was free of any emotion. He didn’t seem too happy about it but neither angry. 

“Why are you not doing something that requires strength?” Santiago asked curiously. He wasn’t wrong. Alec was strong and logically he should be working in a place where it would be beneficial. 

“I don’t know. Ragnor told me to come here.” Alec shrugged. He didn’t really give much consideration to his decision. 

“Of course he did. That old trollop.” Magnus laughed and shook his head. Alec felt like he was missing out on something but didn’t ask. 

“Alright.” Magnus clapped his hands together. “Your job will be to load and unload the washing and drying machine, Garroway can give you a hand if you need it. Apart from that you will be folding the dry clothes and place them into each container, based on the sizes. Long and short sleeved t-shirts are separated as well as the trousers. Don’t worry about the underwear, that’s for the other guys. Got it?” 

Alec looked at the other side. There were 12 containers lying along the wall, each of them labelled. The sizes went from M to XXL. It seemed like an easy job. 

“Got it.” He nodded and got to work. 

Taking the dry clothes out of the drying machine wasn’t hard but lifting out the wet ones was some hell of a task. It wasn’t just their weight but also the fact that they were all damp, making his own clothes wet as well. 

The folding was the worst. Alec have never ever had to do such a repetitive job. It was boring and after 2 hours his arms were sore from the constant movement. 

At least he didn’t have to separate dirty clothes. 

Raphael and Magnus worked together. They were responsible for the bedding. It was a lot easier job, they only head to separate the sheets from the covers and folding them wasn’t necessary either. The mood was good. The guys were chatting the whole time, joking with each other. Alec was just listening and smiled every now and on. 

“So, tell us Magnus. How’s things going with Elias?” Garroway smirked at him and wiggled his eyebrows. 

Alec tried not to react too obviously but could feel his heartbeat fastening. He was right then the other night, when he assumed that the two men had something going on. 

“Ahh.. c’mon Lucian. It’s not polite to ask about something so private.” Magnus scolded the man mockingly. 

“Aye, cause the two of you are so fucking discreet.” Raphael said rolling his eyes, only to earn a pillow into his face from Magnus. 

“What does that suppose to mean?” Magnus asked as he put his hands on his hips. 

“Last night.. the whole unit was listening to the two of you.” Raphael said with a knowing voice. 

“Hold on! That wasn’t me! When was that?” He asked now looking really confused. 

Raphael scratched the back of his neck, thinking. 

“9ish.. maybe.” 

“I wasn’t in the unit at that time.” Magnus said and now the three men were looking at each other in surprise. 

“Where were you?” 

“Who was it then?” Raphael and Garroway asked the same time. 

“I had something to take care of.” He said and Alec saw as he was looking at him from the corner of his eyes. 

“Omg I can’t believe you. You did it even after what I said.” Raphael said with shock. 

“Omg I can’t believe someone had sex in our unit and I don’t know who it was.” Magnus said equally shocked, clearly for different matters. 

“But the fact that I’m the first person who comes in mind when someone is having a quickie… well that is sad.” He pouted and Alec felt like an intruder by listening to this extremely private conversation between the three friends. 

Yes, he realised that the three of them weren’t just allies or people sharing the same unit, but they were friends. And for some reason he felt utterly jealous. 

“But to really answer your question Luke.. There is nothing going on. Elias is nice.. but that’s it. I enjoy his company, he sort of balances out the grumpiness that I receive from Raphael.” He smiled. 

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel about you.” Raphael said as he held up both of his hands giving the mentioned fingers to Magnus. 

***

That 5 hours at work was gone in a blink of an eye. Alec actually enjoyed it. He remained silent the whole time but listening to the guys definitely lifted his mood. 

He got served fairly quickly and was looking for a free table when spotted Jonathan signalling to him. It’s true what they say, if its too nice to be true it probably isn’t. 

His day was going well, too well. 

“Hey.” He said when he reached the table, trying to ignore that bitter taste in his mouth. He knew Magnus was watching but this time he didn’t interfere. He should have not expected it, the man was clear last night. He only helped at that one time because he owed him. 

“Where are you working?” Jonathan asked and today he wasn’t smiling. He seemed on edge. 

“The laundry room.” 

“The lan…of course.” He said and looked even more annoyed due to the newly learnt information. “What did Magnus want last night?” He asked and Alec started to feel like he was undergoing some interrogation. 

“He wanted to meet the new guy.” Alec said simply. He was a terrible liar. His sister never forgot to mention it when he was making up some bullshit, but only hoped that the fact she could see through him with ease was due to being siblings rather than being genuinely that bad. 

“You were there for the whole time. A hello-hello doesn’t require an hour.” He said with faked curiosity. 

“We just talked a bit. Nothing important.” He tried to remain calm despite his nerves starting to play up. 

“I see. Well, let me tell you one thing Lightwood. Magnus might think that he is someone here, but he is nothing but a pathetic little piece of shit. So, if I were you, I would choose wisely whose side to stand on.” He said an Alec never felt a line being so small between an advice and a threat. 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. I know whose side to take.” He nodded holding a hand out. Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, as they say.. or something like that. 

“Very well.” Jonathan said as he shook it a smile finally creeping up on his face. 

***

Nothing remarkable happened for the majority of the afternoon. Alec attended his classes, got his dinner. This time again, he was sitting with Jonathan and the rest. Magnus and Santiago didn’t even look towards him. He tried to push away the feeling. He wondered what would have happen if he got placed in their unit and his heart ached slightly thinking about it. He knew it would have been entirely different. 

It was half 8 when he decided to get a shower. Majority of the inmates were lining up to call their families. He was debating whether or not to call his but decided to leave it. As much as he missed them, he still needed time. He knew calling them would make everything harder. 

As he was heading towards the bathrooms, he spotted Santiago rushing towards him. He didn’t stop completely but slowed down his steps. The other man didn’t stop either but murmured to him in passing. 

“Wilson and Moore are in there. They are waiting for you. They are prepared.” His voice sounded worried and frustrated. 

Alec stopped suddenly and watched as the other man stepped into the line. He wasn’t sure if the boy was there to make a phone call or to watch him. 

He took a deep breath, analysing the situation. He had two options, he either turns on his heels and comes back later or he proceed with his initial plan. 

He looked behind his shoulder, sending a reassuring smile to Raphael before he went ahead and pushed the doors open. 

Santiago was right. In there was standing the two guys from yesterday. 

“Good evening gentlemen.” He said with a cheerful voice and a cocky smile as he threw his towel over his shoulder. 

“I’m not sure how good it will be for you.” Moore spat towards him and slowly pulled out a knife. Well it was technically a hand-crafted weapon using a toothbrush, a razor and some duck tape. 

He raised an eyebrow and his smile became wider. 

“Oh, I can’t wait to cut that fucking smile off your face.” The man growled at Alec and charged at him. Alec ducked the attack easily. He used to fight with Jace a lot. It only took him a few seconds to realise his opponents weak spot. 

Before the other man had a chance to realise what was going on, he was lying on the ground with a bleeding nose. 

Wilson didn’t waste his time, he quickly grabbed the weapon from his injured mate and eyed Alec, ready to attack. 

“Why don’t you put that down and we can leave in peace?” Alec asked, trying to reason with the other man. After all, he wasn’t aggressive and didn’t particularly enjoyed getting into fights. It was more something Jace would do. Alec was always the responsible one, the one who thought first than acted. 

“You will leave in a fucking bag.” _There goes his reasoning._

“Alright then.” Alec shrugged and got ready for round 2. 

Wilson was a lot better in this than the other guy. He ducked when Alec tried to hit the knife out of his hand and almost cut Alec successfully a few times. But he wasn’t as good as Alec. He wasn’t on Jace’s level. Alec was still better in this. 

After a few minutes the guy was pushed to the wall. 

“Déjà vu?” Alec growled into the man’s face. He was really pissed off by now. 

The other guy was still lying on the floor with his nose bleeding. Alec wondered if he broke it by mistake. 

He heard people entering the bathroom but couldn’t see their faces from where he was standing. 

“Fuck you.” Wilson groaned as breathing became a hard task for him with Alec’s arm pushing against his throat. 

“No. Fuck you! I told you yesterday. Don’t fuck with me. Leave me alone.” Alec’s chest was moving fast as he tried to regain his control. “Was I any clearer this time?” 

“Arghh” “I didn’t quite catch that.” He said and leaned slightly closer. 

“Yes…” The other man had to press the words out as he was fighting for air. 

“Good.” He said and with that he stepped away from the man, who, this time, slid along the wall. 

He looked under his feet, he’s been standing on the weapon the entire time, now he simply kicked it away. 

He looked up to see who came in and found himself face to face with Santiago and Magnus. 

“Well.. that was...” Magnus said moving his hand around looking for the right words. “Impressive.” 

Alec agreed with him. The man was _fucking impressive_. He was beautiful as always. Some black eyeliner around his eyes, hair styled. He wondered what sort of clothes he would wear. Definitely something sexy and elegant. It would drive him crazy to see the man just once in his own outfit. 

“I think the word you were after is stupid.” Santiago murmured with a deadpan look pulling Alec back to reality. 

“You could say that too.” Magnus said and looked towards Raphael. 

“Why the fuck did you come in?” Raphael was clearly not letting things go. “I warned you about the two of them. You could have just turn around and come back later, but no. You had to walk straight in. You really have a fucking death wish.” 

“No. I don’t. That’s why I came in.” Alec said tilting his head, he wasn’t up for getting told off by the boy. 

“Come again? I don’t think I follow you.” Raphael stepped closer looking at him with his brow furrowed. 

“Look. Say for example that I didn’t come in but left. What do you think would have happened?” 

“Nothing. That was the whole fucking point.” 

“Okay. And tomorrow?” 

“How am I supposed to know?” 

“Now that’s exactly why I came in tonight. Because if this doesn’t happen today, then it does tomorrow. Or the day after. I was lucky because I could walk in knowing what was waiting for me. But I might would have not be lucky the next time.” It sounded reasonable in his head but saying it out loud sounded stupid. 

“You are fucking crazy.” Raphael shook his head. 

“That I can endure. But being dead.. nah.” 

“Well, turns out my assistance here isn’t needed after all.” Magnus said with a smile turning around to leave. 

“Wha..What do you mean?” It was time for Alec to be confused. 

“Raphael came to me running, saying that you are about to get yourself killed.” 

“The last time you said I was on my own. You seemed confident. So, why did you come?” 

“What can I say? We might _not_ be done with each other just yet.” He smiled and looked into Alec’s eyes. 

Alec swallowed. He was sure that not the prison, but _this gorgeous man will be the death of him._


	5. The visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommee Profitt - Cruel world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be sleeping, but here I am bringing a new chapter cause I love you guys so much!! xx

By the end of his first week, Alec created a daily routine.

He got up, headed to get breakfast, went for a run, got a shower, went to work and hung out with Magnus, Raphael and Luke, got lunch with Jonathan and his gang, attended his classes, got dinner either sitting alone or with Jonathan and then spent his evening in his unit with the rest of the guys. 

He wasn’t the new guy anymore. He wasn’t sure if Wilson and Moore spread the word or not, but people weren’t look at him anymore like a piece of meat. It could have been due to the fact as well that he was seemingly part of The Circle, as Jonathan called their…group. Either way, they left him alone and he was perfectly fine with it. 

Things were looking good, until Saturday morning when Jonathan approached him while he was sitting alone at his usual spot. 

He asked Alec before about his habit of sitting alone in the mornings and sometimes at the evenings and he explained to him that sometimes he just felt like he need some time alone, that every now and on he doesn’t want to be surrounded with people. It was true, Alec wasn’t a social butterfly. He needed some space for himself. At that time the other just acknowledged it and never brought it up which truly surprised Alec. He was expecting the man to go ballocks over it and refuse his needs for privacy. 

He wondered whether or not, that’s about to change when the other man sat down, opposite to him and looked at him in the eye with a serious expression. 

“Do you have visitors today?” Jonathan asked and Alec hesitated for a few moments, not knowing which answer would be right for his own sake. 

“No.” He said finally. He didn’t want to risk getting caught lying. It didn’t take a genius to find out that he never attended for the visiting time. 

“Well now you do.” Jonathan smiled and looked satisfied with the answer he got. _He totally should have risked it._

“Put this name down on your list.” He pushed a tiny note over to him and Alec read the name. 

A woman. His face must have told it all cause Jonathan quickly added with an eye roll. 

“I know you got a girlfriend and all. This is business. She got something that I need. It’s your job to make sure it gets in.” 

Alec pushed his plate away. He didn’t like this at all. 

“I don’t know how I feel about this.” He said slowly and carefully, looking for the right way to put things. 

“Good thing is then your feelings are irrelevant. I want you to bring something in for me and you will do as I say…” His voice was full of threat as he leaned closer to Alec. 

“Why me? Why not one of the other guys?” He moved in his seat as he became more and more nervous. 

“They are useless.” He snored. “They are all being watched closely. You, on the other hand, don’t need to worry about that. No one would suspect you getting drugs in.” 

How fucking stupid, he is. He completely forgot about the reason why Jonathan wanted him to kill the guy from unit 2. He was bringing drugs into the C block. Magnus told him about it briefly, but he was too nervous to concentrate on anything else apart from his role in the whole thing. He is a fucking dumbass. He wanted to face palm himself. 

“Get her on the list.” Jonathan said as he put his finger on the paper. “I’ll know if you don’t. And if you try something, I’ll make sure you won’t stay for an other week in here..” He said and with that he walked out of the canteen. 

***

Alec got up as soon as the door closed and handed his tray back to Meliorn instead of putting it on an empty shelf. 

He had to speak to Magnus somehow and the guy was his only chance. 

“Tell Magnus and Raphael to meet me in 30 minutes at the stairs near unit 4.” He murmured and left before the other got a chance to reply. 

He fucking hoped his plan would work out. 

***

He knocked on Ragnor’s door and took a few deep breath to calm himself down. He was a wreck. 

“Alec. Good morning. What can I do for you?” Ragnor asked with a smile. He looked a bit taken aback by his early visit. 

“I was wondering if I could still put someone down on my visitor’s list.” He said and licked his dry lips. 

“Did you change your mind?” The man smiled and invited him in. 

“Yeah.” 

“Great. Is it your sister or brother? Or both?” He asked as he held two sheets up. He tried to ignore the ache in his heart. He wished he didn’t push them away. If he would have stopped being so selfish then now, he would see his siblings. 

“Ehm.. it’s actually none of them. It’s..it’s a friend.” He stuttered. He always stuttered when he was anxious. He fucking hated it. 

“Oh, I see.” He put one of the sheets down and handed him the other one along with a pen. 

He quickly wrote down the name and mobile number he got from Jonathan earlier on and circled 8.00 AM for the visiting time. The sooner he gets over with this the better. 

“Are you sure two hours will be enough to let your friend now in advance?” Ragnor asked as he looked up from the paper. 

“Yes.” 

“Hmm..” Ragnor looked back down at the form. “Alright then. I’ll ring her to let her know about your request. At 7.40 head to the doors to get checked.” He said and a few minutes later Alec found himself on the other side of his door. 

As he rushed towards unit 4 he couldn’t shake of the uneasy feeling that Ragnor somehow saw through him, knowing that he was up to something. 

***

He was a few minutes early, but spotted Magnus and Raphael standing at the stairs talking. 

They looked nervous. Alec didn’t know if they were edgy because they knew about the plan already or because of his cryptic message from earlier. 

“Lightwood, what’s going on?” Raphael asked as soon as he stopped next to them. 

“I don’t have time to explain it now. Magnus, I need your help.” He wasn’t beating around the bush. He didn’t have the time for it. 

“What do you need?” Magnus was practically vibrating from the tension. 

“I need some pills. Something that would make me sick. Like..to throw up. I need a double dose to make sure it’ll work.” He sputtered quickly as he kept looking around hoping not to spot a specific person in the crowd. 

“You what?” Raphael and Magnus asked at the same time, both slightly raising their voices in shock. 

“Are you having a fucking stroke?” Raphael asked trying to catch Alec’s gaze. 

“I hope. I fucking hope I do.” He whispered angrily and finally turned his attention towards the two men. 

“Look. I promise I’ll explain everything later. Can you get it for me by 7.30?” He looked at Magnus with an urging look. 

“You better explain everything. And you owe me. Big time.” He said and nodded. Alec could feel slight relief as the older man agreed to help. His momentary happiness didn’t last long as he spotted a very blond head heading towards them. 

Fuck him. This man was a damn stalker. 

“Back here at 7.30.” He murmured and turned around to head towards Jonathan. He didn’t want to be caught talking to Magnus. 

“What are you doing here?” Jonathan’s voice was screaming of suspicion as he looked towards Magnus and Raphael. Seemed like he connected the dots. 

“I was supposed to go to yard with Santiago later on. To work out. I let him know that something came up.” He lied without a blink. 

“Don’ tell me he works out.” Jonathan looked at him smiling. 

“He is just sort of there.. you know. Watching. But he will get there. Baby steps.” Alec smiled and only hoped that his smile didn’t look as fake as it felt. 

“If you say so.” The other man just raised an eyebrow but showed no sign that he doubted Alec’s story. 

He was getting better in this shit. It was scary. 

***

He went back to his unit with Jonathan and lied down on his bad, burying his face in his hands. He wanted to scream in frustration. 

His life was in Magnus’ hand. He trusted the other man. He knew he would have not agreed if he couldn’t do it. 

His plan wasn’t the best. He had to improvise. Unfortunately, both plan A and B was strongly depending on the pills. 

He left his unit 10 minutes before the agreed time and suddenly he felt so sick, he might won’t even need those pills. 

Magnus was standing there, this time on his own. He didn’t have time to think about Raphael’s whereabouts, as he had bigger problems. 

The man arrived with empty hands. 

Alec just looked at him with his eyes wide as he realised that the man let him down. Magnus didn’t say a word just carefully moved his mouth until two pills appeared between his lips. Alec’s heart stopped for a second. He felt light headed from the relief. Magnus just signalled to him and Alec followed him without a word. They walked behind the stairs where they were hidden from the curious eyes. Alec hold out his hand so Magnus could spit out the pills. 

“Thanks.” He said and not giving a single fuck about them being covered in the other’s saliva he quickly swallowed them. 

“Okay. Got them. Now speak.” Magnus said, his voice firm and commanding. 

“Later. I promise.” Alec looked into the older man’s eyes before turning on his heels and rushing towards the main doors. 

***

To his surprise Jonathan and Raphael were queuing up as well to meet someone. 

Raphael was more likely about to meet Rosita, his sister. He couldn’t shut up about it the whole week at work. 

Alec had no idea who Jonathan was meeting but couldn’t care less. At the moment he hated the guy more than ever. 

“She is tall. Porcelain skin, long, dark hair. You can’t miss her. She is fucking over dressed for a prison visit.” Jonathan murmured to him as they waited to get checked. Alec wasn’t sure what he meant by being overdressed but he soon found out. 

It was indeed impossible not to spot the woman. She was tall. Almost as tall as Alec. She wore a tight red dress and stilettos. He thought about her sister, she would definitely approve them. He never met anyone as obsessed with heels as Izzy. His heart clenched as he imagined what it would be like meeting his sister now instead... 

The woman smiled as Alec approached her, sending shivers down on his spine. Not the good kind of ones. 

“Hey.” Alec smiled and to his utter surprise the woman almost kissed him. They both looked equally shocked, but the woman got her shit together faster as they sat down. Her expression became angry and annoyed. For the second time today, someone showed something hiding in their mouth and Alec hoped that today was the first and last day when he had to go trough this hell. 

“You are fucking pathetic. You better give me a proper kiss when I leave.” She whispered at Alec and he could see the threat in her eyes. He wondered if she was related to Jonathan, maybe his psycho sister or something. 

He looked towards the man in question who was sitting with a red-head girl. She was small and looked nice. She didn’t seem like hiding any illegal substance in her mouth or anywhere else for that matter. The way she looked at Jonathan, Alec questioned their relationship. They look close but not as close as a couple. Maybe they were actually related, despite the obvious differences in their physical appearances. 

“Stop looking at them and start talking. You supposed to meet a ‘friend’.” He was brought back to reality as the woman kicked her under the table. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” Alec said and started some dreadful conversation with the woman. 

He never thought he would say that, but when the time came to say good bye, he was actually happy to leave the woman behind. He would rather be in prison than spend another minute with her. She was the most terrible person he ever met. Not in an insane way like Jonathan, but in personality wise. She might look beautiful but was definitely rotten inside. 

They stood up and the woman leaned in with a smirk that made Alec stomach coil. He didn’t know if it was the pills or the disgust working but he felt like he’s gonna throw up. 

The woman pressed her cold lips to Alec’s and Alec quickly opened his mouth so they could finish as soon as possible. The kiss was a lot more passionate from the woman’s side than Alec expected. It already required so much effort from him to kiss the woman, there was no way he could make it look hot or pleasurable. 

“Are you a faggot?” The woman grimaced as she wiped her lips where her red lipstick smudged. 

“It’s hard to make out with this in my mouth.” Alec murmured as he tried to find a good place for the small bag. 

“Whatever.” The woman said rolling her eyes and bent down to pick up her bag. “It was nice to catch up.” The smile was back on her face as he winked at Alec. 

“Yes. It was amazing.” He said with less enthusiasm and turned around to leave. 

He stopped as he spotted Ragnor and two other guards looking at him. Ragnor looked angry and disappointed. There was not way he could have known… 

_Time for plan B_

***

Alec couldn’t remember how he got from the visiting area to Magnus’ unit. 

Ragnor and the two guards checked him and despite their efforts they couldn’t find anything. They couldn’t find a legitimate reason to keep Alec there either, so after the check up they let him go. 

He was shaking, sweating and was afraid his legs were giving up as he walked towards the unit. 

Once he got there Magnus looked at him with his eyes wide open and ran to him. 

Garroway and some others were sitting on the couch looking at Alec as he stumbled in looked extremly pale. 

“I got you.” Magnus whispered as he hugged Alec’s waist, leading him into his room, closing the door behind. 

“What happened?” His voice was worried as he pushed back the damp hair from Alec’s face. 

“I.. I had to swallow it.” Alec muttered. 

“Swallow what?” Magnus cupped Alec’s face as he forced the man to look into his eyes. 

“The drug I had to sneak in for Jonathan..” He breathed and swallowed back a snob while looking into the older man’s eyes.


	6. We are Lightwoods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GMV - You're gonna know my name

“Okay, there is no way the drug got into your system already. It wouldn’t create symptoms this soon.” Magnus said as he tried to reassure Alec. Or himself. Which ever worked.

Alec just let out a shaky breath. 

“Look. Try to press a finger down to your throat. The pills should kick in any moment, but I don’t want to risk it. 

“I..ghhr” Alec murmured inarticulately. 

“What?” Magnus leaned in closer to catch his words. 

“I don’t have a gag reflex.” Alec said finally leaning his forehead on the toilet seat. 

“You don’t.. sweet Jesus fuck. I never ever thought I would hear this sentence from someone and not feel in fucking heaven.” The older man tilted his head back looking up at the ceiling. Alec wanted to laugh but felt too miserable to react. 

“We have to wait and hope for the best.” Magnus said and stood up to grab a t shirt. He ran it under some cold water and gently started to pat Alec’s forehead. 

*** 

The pills indeed worked. Too well actually. 

The bag came up with the first wave of nausea, however that was an hour ago and Alec stopped counting how many times he had to lean over the toilet since. 

He remembered Jace saying that once he got so drunk. he was sick 13 times. He knew he has fucking beat that... in the first 20 minutes. 

Despite how utterly shit he felt he was grateful. He was alive. There was no drug in his system and the pills should stop working soon as well. 

He didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if Magnus decides not to help or if he couldn’t. 

He would probably be dead by now. 

He felt a shiver shaking his body and he knew that this time it wasn’t because of the meds. 

“I would love to tell you all about how reckless and fucked up you are, but I leave it to Raphael. I think assaulting you is the highlight of his days.” Magnus said as he looked at Alec with a smile. 

He was with him the whole time. He not once has complained about Alec’s state. 

He didn’t know why Magnus decided to stay with him. It was fucking gross. 

“Tell me one thing though, what the fuck did you have in mind?” 

“I hoped to throw up before I had to go out. I could have blamed the food – he grimaced as he said it, he liked Meliorn and would have never accused him with giving him food poising if he had another choice – but I thought if all goes down to shit, I will still have a chance to make it. “ 

“So, your plan worked?” Magnus raised an eyebrow disbelievingly and waved his hand towards the toilet. 

“I called it plan B. And thank fuck it did.” He sighed as he felt no urge to empty his stomach anymore. 

They sat like that for minutes. Alec was lost in his thoughts and so was Magnus. 

“I risked getting caught today. Just to pull you out of something you willingly got into.” Magnus said and he looked sad. Not angry or pissed off but disappointed. 

“I know..” He felt sick again but now it was a different kind. A deeper kind, coming from self-hatred and regret. 

“No, you don’t.” Magnus shook his head. “You need to decide what side you are on. I’m not some good old Samaritan, who will run to rescue you every time, when your reckless, stupid decisions get you in trouble.” 

“I know..” He started to feel pathetic for repeating himself. 

“Then I guess it needless to say that I won’t do it again.” Magnus looked at him, but Alec didn’t want to look into his eyes. The man was right. He didn’t think about the consequences that man would need to pay if they catch him stealing meds. He didn’t want to pull someone down with him when it all goes down the hill. 

“You know it’s not something I chose. I didn’t ask Ragnor to put me into that unit. I didn’t ask Jonathan to drag me into his drug business. I didn’t ask to be threatened. I didn’t have a choice.” He knew he sounded desperate, but it was the truth. He didn’t want to end up in the cross fire between the two top dogs. He just wanted to serve his sentence and leave this all behind but now he was up the creek. 

“You always have a choice Alec. You could fight..” 

“So, what do you want me to do?” He asked as he raised his voice. He wasn’t angry at the man but the situation he was in. 

“I told you. Decide whose side you are on.” The man said and stood up. It was time for Alec to leave as well. 

***

Magnus’ words echoed in his head. He knew the man was right. It was only the end of his first week, but he almost died because he let Jonathan control and manipulate him. He knew if he would be in a different unit his choice would be obvious but given that he lived together with Jonathan and his people made it tenfold more complicated. It was like asking him to cut his left or right hand off. There was no right decision to make. 

He wished he could speak to Izzy or Jace. They would know what to do. He was always the logical one, the responsible one who knew what to do, but when he faced a problem himself, he always relied on his siblings to open his eyes or to get him to come to his senses. Too bad he was in prison and his siblings weren’t just a phone call or room away to talk. 

He sighed. He had a plan, one that didn’t require anyone risking their lives in any way, but if it worked, he wouldn’t need to worry about Jonathan for a while. 

However, he wasn’t sure if he could ask for help from Magnus or Raphael. Magnus was more than clear when he told him to leave him out of his personal issues until he makes a decision. Asking Raphael despite all that would be like going behind his back and Alec didn’t fancy the thought of betraying Magnus’ trust. He didn’t deserve it after all. 

***

It was around 11 and he didn’t run into Jonathan yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time. 

Too bad, time was essential for what he had in mind. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he had enough time to pull it off. 

_Fuck it._

It worth to ask Magnus. Worst case worst, he will say no. Maybe he’ll tell him to fuck off. But if he doesn’t ask, he won’t know, right? 

“Did you leave something behind?” Magnus asked slightly sarcastically when he saw Alec coming back only after a few minutes. 

“My dignity.” Alec said with some old school sarcasm. Two can play. 

“Seems like your charm didn’t end up being flushed down the toilet.” Raphael said with an eyeroll. He was reading some magazine as he sat on the couch and seemed well informed about their agreement. 

“Okay.. just hear me out. I need you to discreetly spread the word that someone from unit 9 got drugs in.” He lowered his voice as he looked at the two man. 

“Pardon?” Raphael looked at him without blinking as he lowered the papers. 

“Do it discreetly, but not too discreetly. I want it to get to the guards, but not too obviously. Just hint it here and there, make sure it gets to the wrong people.” He explained and licked his lips. 

“Why?” Magnus asked and his face was free of any expression. 

“Just do it. Please.” 

“I’m getting sick of receiving orders and explanations later. I told you. I’m not gonna jump as soon as you burp out some nonsense.” He was annoyed and Alec saw the tension in his body. 

“God, I don’t have time to argue about this. I’m not asking for anything that could get you into trouble. I’m sure you would do it eventually. All I’m asking is to do it now.” Maybe coming back for a bad idea. He knew he was pushing Magnus’ to his limit and he knew he was using him but right now he couldn’t care. The connections the man had were vital in this situation. 

“This is…the last favour. Don’t you ever dare to come to me with your problems.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” He said and only hoped he could keep it. 

“I just don’t get it. You know Jonathan and Magnus are like fire and ice in here. You knew they are the two top dogs, yet you are running between the two of them like a fucking headless chicken. We shouldn’t even trust you. You might as well could be using us for whatever reasons. How can we know that you are not here because he asked you? What if you are actually on his side but trying to play some undercover shit with us?” Garroway looked at Alec with a disputing expression. It somehow hurt Alec. He liked the man. He was generally kind to people he cared about, and Alec wished that one day he will become one of those people. Seems like that day is a long way to go. 

“You are right. I am literally in a cross fire. Jonathan threatened me and yes maybe I should have ignored it but when it’s not your life on the line it’s easy to be smart. Yes, he asked me to do something and I did. I know I should have not done it but in two hours I couldn’t come up with a plan to dodge it. Am I being a coward? Maybe, or maybe I just want to survive. It’s easy to talk about manning up while you sit in a unit with your friends where you don’t have to sleep with your eyes open in case a psycho decides to murder you in the middle of the night.” He was annoyed and needed all his self-control not to shout those words. 

_It was fucking easy for all of them._

“Do you think it’s easy? That I don’t know what a monster he is? You are here for what.. a couple of days and you think you got everything sorted and you know everything? Wake up kiddo. Not everything is black and white. Do you think Magnus just sits on his ass all day long? Why do you think there was no drugs in here for a while? Do you think it was a flaw in Jonathan’s plan? What do you think who was the one who saved that motherfucker junky from unit 2 and numerous other inmates for that matter? Why do you think Morgenstern, the older, is out from here? Let me tell you, not because he decided to pop over to block D for the craic. You think your life is at stake, but the truth is.. you are not more than a soldier in The Circle’s army, whether or not you got a mark on you like them. You do as he says without having second thoughts because you are afraid of him. Like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong. That kid is fucked up terribly. He is a proper nut job. But there are two types of people in here. The one who decides to be a coward and obey him and the one who decides to give him the middle finger and remind him that he is aint no god in here. So, make your decision. Choose which one you want to be. But make sure you can look yourself in the mirror once you make up your mind.” The man was standing in front of Alec as he spoke, and he felt like he got slapped in the face. Like he woke up from some dream. 

He remembered how people reacted when Jonathan entered the canteen, remembered despising them, inwardly laughing at their pathetic behaviour and here he was a week later, doing exactly the same. He didn’t know if it was because of the stories he heard from others or because the man was this manipulative, but it wasn’t even relevant. 

“I’ll spread the word. Don’t make me regret it.” The man said as he looked into Alec’s eyes. He was lost for words and only nodded. 

He looked over to Magnus and Raphael. Their faces were blank, not giving a hint away of what they thought, but it wasn’t even needed. He knew it anyway. 

***

He remembered breaking a kid’s nose when he was a kid. 

His mother told him that following the rules is indeed top priority, but once you become obviously known for doing so, it can allow others to see through you. To know your next step before you do. 

She told him to let it go. 

**We are Lightwoods, we break noses and accept the consequences.**

It was time for him to break a nose, even if just metaphorically. 

_He was a Lightwood after all._

***

By the time he got to their unit he heard people rumouring about the drugs. 

He smiled in satisfaction. The unit was empty. In this way it was really a piece of cake. 

In less than ten minutes Jonathan ran into the unit along with the rest of the guys. 

He looked frantic. He was bewildered and basically vibrating with frustration. 

“Where is it? Somehow everyone knows that drug got into the C block. Every fucking inmate.” He shout-whispered as he approached Alec. 

“Where is what?” Alec asked looking as innocent as it was humanly possible. 

“Don’t fuck with me Lightwood!” He said and grabbed Alec’s t shirt. “Where the fuck did you put it?” He growled through his teeth. 

“Jonathan.. the guards are coming.” Marshall said as he peaked out from their unit. “They have dogs with them.” He almost whined as he said the last words. The alarm turned on, it was an immediate lock down. 

Alec’ smiled as he looked the other man in the eye. 

“Remember what you said to me the first day?” Alec asked with a wide grin as the other man let him go, knowing that their unit will be filled with guards in any moment now. 

“Everyone to the wall!” Lewis shouted as they got in. They all did as they were told. Alec made sure to stand far enough from Jonathan just in case. 

The guards went from room to room, throwing everything out, ripping everything to pieces until they found what they came for. 

A guard hold the tiny bag with full of white powder up as he walked out of the room. 

“Everything in here is yours.” Alec mouthed to Jonathan and saw the man’s face shifting, his eyes going wide just before the shit fled his mind. 

“We got it.” Lewis murmured into his radio and the sirens were off in the next instant. 

“Back to the good old days Jonathan?” The guard asked and before the blonde man could move, they were all on him, restraining him as he shook and threw himself around as he tried to get free. 

“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU. YOU ARE A DEAD MAN! YOU HERE ME? YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD!” He shouted vehemently as he spat towards Alec. He looked like a wild dog infected with rabies as he growled, saliva leaking in the corner of his mouth. Despite his efforts they forced him out with ease. 

They all followed them as they escorted Jonathan to his new home in the hole. 

All the inmates gathered on the corridor, watching as Jonathan got taken away. 

Magnus leaned on the wall not so far from them, raising an eyebrow as his eyes found Alec’s gaze. 

He walked over to him and leaned on the wall next to him. 

“Did your plan work?” He asked the obvious with a smile playing on his lips. 

“Yes, I had to pass on a message.” He said seriously, holding back his own grin. 

“Ahh..and what was the message?” Magnus asked with pretended curiosity. 

“That nobody fucks with a Lightwood without consequences.” He said and jokingly pushed the other man with his shoulder. 

“So, if I want to fuck with you it will come with a price?” Magnus asked and Alec wasn’t sure if it was meant to be an innuendo or not. 

“It depends on.” He said and his mouth went dry, he found it hard to swallow, being this close to the man allowed him to smell his cologne, to see how his eyeliner were smudged slightly at the bottom.. 

“On what?” 

“Did I choose the right side?” He licked his lips as he looked into the older man’s eyes. 

“You did _Alexander_.” His name rolled off the other man’s tongue so gratefully that if Alec could only hear one thing for the rest of his life, he would want it to be his name coming from Magnus.


	7. The phone

Alec was sitting on the stairs, leaning forward as he looked down at his hands. There was a white scar along his thumb. He never realised it before. He ran his index finger along it, wondering where he got that.

He felt like as some weight settled on his shoulders that he will never be able to put down. He will carry it with him for the rest of his life, no day will pass without the familiar pressure. The memory, like a ghost will haunt him till the end. 

He sighed as he closed his eyes, pressing them tightly as if he never wants to open them again. 

He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. 

He didn’t need to look to know that it was Magnus’. They have been sitting there for a while but Magnus got called away for a few minutes. 

“It’s not your fault Alexander.” He said quietly. 

Alec let out a snore as he laughed bitterly. 

“You can’t be serious.” He said and finally looked at the other man. 

“Well I am.” Magnus said as he straightened up. 

Alec shook his head. 

“It wasn’t your fault.. what happened to him.. it wasn’t you.” Magnus’ voice was careful as he tried to reason with him. 

“It happened because of me.” Alec snapped. 

“No. It was his decision. You didn’t even know about it until it was too late. You didn’t do it, he did it to himself.” Magnus said, trying to comfort Alec as he looked into Alec’s eyes 

“What difference does that make? He is dead Magnus. He is dead because of me. I killed him. Someone died because of me. Again!” He couldn’t remember when he stood up or when he raised his voice. He was breathing fast and could feel his heart beat fastening as he looked at the other man. 

Magnus got up as well and raised his hand to touch Alec’s shoulder again, but this time Alec pushed his hand away and turned on his heels. 

***

He remembered as he got up in the morning. 

He was placed into a different unit a week ago, after his little triumph against Jonathan. He didn’t know everyone from the unit just yet, but Meliorn was there which was a positive surprise. There was also another guy, called Lorenzo Rey. And Alec never met a bigger douche in his life. The guy was the most narcissistic and coward piece of shit he ever met. He spent the first two days kissing Alec’s ass. He literally had to hide during his free time. He once ended up in the library reading about Japanese good luck amulets, he made a mental note to go back one day to discover more about them. 

He never really talked to the other ones. They were all waiting for the counting, standing next to their doors, well almost all of them. One of the men, Alec didn’t know his name, was still in his room. 

He thought about knocking on it to let him know that the guard will be here in any moment but didn’t want to get into trouble by not being at his place. 

When the guard arrived, he immediately spotted the closed door and the missing inmate and without hesitation he marched into his room. Alec remembered the guard’s gasping and talking into the radio. 

“We have a code 13 in unit 3.” 

Alec wanted to ask Meliorn about the meaning of the code, but the other man just bowed his head and closed his eyes. 

It didn’t take long for Alec to realise what happened. 

The guy killed himself. He used a plastic bag to suffocate himself. 

Alec of course felt startled by the news. but his initial shock quickly turned into something else when he went into the guy’s room later on. 

There was a cell phone hidden in a bottle of shower gel. The bottom of the bottle was cut off and from far it looked like an ordinary shower gel. He only found it because he accidentally kicked the bedside table. He wasn’t sure what to do with it. He didn’t know if he should hand it to Lewis or Magnus. 

He looked at the screen and bit his lip. 

_1 new message_

He hesitated as he held his finger above the button. He wanted to read it desperately, but opening the message felt like opening Pandora’s box. He didn’t know what the text was about but he had an unsettling feeling about it. He felt it in his guts as his thumb hoovered above the button. 

He licked his dry lips and pressed the button. 

The message popped up and he almost dropped the phone as the words registered in his mind. 

_Last warning. Kill Lightwood or I’ll kill you!_

Alec never had a panic attack in his life but was sure as hell he was having one in that moment. 

He opened the inbox with trembling hands and his eyes quickly ran over the messages. 

The first one came a few days ago. Whoever sent them was giving orders to the guy. Orders to kill him. The sender also threatened the guy, saying that if Alec is not dead by the end of this week, he will kill him instead. The guy even received tips and hints how to do it. 

_There will be a pill hidden in the gutter at the right side of the green house. Put it into his drink. It will kill him in minutes. By the time someone realises that there is something wrong he will be out of the picture._

Alec felt sick. Someone was planning to kill him but used an innocent guy to do the heavy lifting. 

He opened the next one. 

_Now, now. I would love to think that you forgot which one is your right and left hand or that maybe Lightwood decided to go a whole day without drinking, which would eventually kill him as he would be a victim or dehydration, but I’m afraid I have no time to wait for a naturally occurring death. I’m patient but I have my limits. Your time is almost up, so you better hurry up. Tick tock._

Paranoia hit him. How many people could be receiving similar commands? How many of them are after him each day? Who else could want to kill him? 

His palms were sweaty as he tightened his grip on the phone. There was no way he would show this to any of the guards. They would put him into protection to hide him. 

But Alec didn’t want to hide, he wanted to find the man behind all of this. 

Someone wanted him dead, so badly that he didn’t care how many people would die along the way. 

His first thought was Jonathan, but he couldn’t have done it. He was in the hole and there was no way his hand could reach this far. 

Whoever sent those texts to the guy was in the C block with him. 

***

He felt like everyone was looking at him as he stood in the line for lunch. He could feel the looks on his back as he muttered a thanks to Meliorn. 

He turned around and without even looking towards Magnus and took an empty spot next to some older guys. 

“What’s up kid? You look like you’re having a shit day.” One of the men said. He was bold and had a long beard. 

“You got that right.” Alec nodded. 

“Don’t worry. It’ll get better.” The man said and sent an emphatic look to Alec. 

Alec just looked at the old man, not understanding why he would care at the first place but didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to be rude to someone who was just trying to be nice to him. 

The three men suddenly got up and Alec looked up from his plate. 

Raphael was standing next to the table. The boy just raised an eyebrow and pulled out one of the empty chairs to sit down opposite to Alec. He looked towards Magnus’ table and realised that they were all gone by now. Raphael stayed behind to talk to him. Somewhere deep down it made Alec feel good, knowing that he is not alone. 

“Magnus told me what happened with the guy. How are you feeling?” 

“Great. Just..great. Fucking brilliant.” He said giving a sarcastic smile to the boy. 

“Just because you have one, you don’t have to act like one.” Raphael said as he tilted his head. 

“I…I’m sorry. It’s just all fucked up.” Alec buried his face in his hands and let out a quiet groan in frustration. 

“Do you know who could be behind those messages?” Raphael frowned as he played with a napkin but not turning his gaze from Alec’s face. 

Alec told Magnus about the phone he found in the guy’s room and the messages earlier. Seems like telling something to Magnus is like telling it to Raphael. One can’t know about something without the other. 

“Do you think if I knew, I would be sitting here right now?” 

“Oooookay. Did you think about..ringing it? To see if someone answers it? 

“No?” 

“Then what are you waiting for?” Santiago looked at him like he was an alien. It could be a dead end but totally worth a shot. 

***

They headed into Raphael’s unit after Alec picked up the phone. 

He was on edge. He wanted so badly for someone to pick up but at the same time he was terrified. 

He remembered when Jace and him went to the park. For some fucked up reasons Jace was absolutely terrified of ducks. Even a photo of a duck could chase him out of the world. Alec always nagged him to face his absolutely irrational fear. That’s how they ended up in the park, near the lake, a few metres away from the ducks. He told Jace to give the duck some bread. To build a relationship and trust. To overcome his fear. He didn’t think Jace would be stupid enough to try to hand feed the bird. Apparently, he was. His plan sucked. The duck nipped Jace’s finger and now Jace always talks about his fear of ducks as if it would be Alec’s fault. 

It was easy back then, to talk about overcoming fears, but now he didn’t know if he even wanted to face his, let alone overcome it. 

He stood with Raphael in the common area. The others weren’t there, it was better this way. He didn’t want them to get into trouble by knowing about something like this. 

Alec looked into Raphael’s eyes as he held the phone in his hand. His hand was shaking as he clumsily opened the contacts. There was no name attached to the phone number. _Obviously._

He almost laughed. How easy would it be if someone has saved the number along with a name? Also, how stupid would you have to be to do that? He was a proper mess. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. His feelings were overflowing as he pressed down on the call button, maybe bit too hard even. 

The phone rang out and Alec held his breath back. 

At the same moment they could hear a phone ringing from behind one of the doors. 

The two men looked at each other in surprise. 

Alec was still holding the phone to his ear as he walked to the door and opened it. 

He lowered his hand as he looked at the other man. They were both holding a cell phone in their hands. Looking at each other in absolute shock. 

Alec could feel how the phone slipped through his fingers, hitting the floor with a thud. 

Magnus just looked into his eyes as he declined the incoming call on the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know.  
> It is really short.  
> But full of tension and I looooove tension.  
> I might take it on as a middle name.. right after cliffhanger hahahah


	8. Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattis - The chain

“How was your first month or so Alec? Did you manage to settle in?” Ragnor asked as they sat in his office. He’s been in prison for around five weeks now but it felt like he’s been in here for months if not years..

Alec was leaning back in the chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “All good.” 

“I see. It couldn’t pass my attention that you don’t spend time with Magnus and the guys anymore. Is everything okay between the two of you?” He tried to bring the topic up casually but Alec knew that it was more than general curiosity. 

It’s been a few weeks since he found out that Magnus was the one behind those messages. He avoided the man as much as he could and Magnus seemed to apply the same tactic. There was no such thing as Magnus and Alec in the same room, unless it was work. If one of them entered a room the other left. In the canteen they sat as far from each other as possible. If Alec spent his time outside then Magnus was inside. It wasn’t surprising that the guards spotted the sudden change. 

“No not really.” _It’s hard to maintain a good relationship with someone who wants your head on a silver plate._ He added in his thoughts. 

“What happened, if I may ask?” Ragnor put his pen down and looked at Alec. 

“Nothing really. It turned out that we are too different.” It wasn’t a lie. He was straightforward and honest, Magnus on the other hand was just a coward, manipulative liar who betrayed his trust and stabbed him in the back. 

“Okay. I know that you have gained some.. respect among the other inmates.” That was true but Alec wasn’t happy about it. Not even a bit. 

For some reason people respected him even though he did nothing for it. 

He didn’t get rid off Jonathan to make a name to himself, but to stay alive. 

He didn’t had that conflict with Wilson and Moore to intimidate them, but to make sure they will leave him alone. 

And he didn’t hung out with Magnus to crawl his way up but because he liked the man. 

He generally enjoyed spending time with him. 

_Fuck, of course he did._

Magnus was funny and smart. Caring, kind and.. he made Alec feel that he belongs to somewhere. 

_That he wasn’t alone._

He liked Raphael too and he missed the boy even if he would never admit it. He was the first person Alec talked to. He knew that their relationship wasn’t as secure and stable but he felt hurt when the boy decided to stay with Magnus. 

“Yea, I guess.” He shrugged in response. 

“How does that make you feel?” 

“I don’t really care.” 

“Well, I guess you don’t know what it’s like getting in here and not meeting the right people, not building the right sort of connections.” 

Alec wasn’t sure where this was going to but he raised an eyebrow. 

“Listen. I’ve seen guys, just like you. Their life in here was hell. They were picked on. Beaten.. even killed sometimes. They didn’t have anyone to turn to. No one helped them. No one cared about them. Until Magnus came. He changed that. People weren’t attacked for no reason. The newbies weren’t picked on for being new. He even openly fought against Morgenstern and The Circle. He stopped the drugs coming in. And you know what? You defended Santiago on his first day when two others bothered him. - Alec’s head snapped up as Ragnor spoke - yes. He told me about it. You didn’t even know him, never spoke to him, never even seen him before, yet you felt the urge to stand up for him. So, when you say that you and Magnus are so different.. I find it hard to believe it. In fact, I think the two of you have a lot more in common than you think. Have a think about that.” Ragnor said as he looked into Alec’s eyes. 

Alec didn’t know what to say to that. Hearing someone talking about Magnus as a man of honour.. it was like if there were two different Magnuses. One is the kind and caring one and the other is a cunning and manipulative one. 

Alec had the pleasure to meet both but didn’t want to tell Ragnor about it. There was no point, beside he would have to tell everything, getting himself and others into trouble as well. 

“If that’s all then we are done for today.” Ragnor said as he started to tidy up on his desk. 

“Actually.. I was thinking about adding two people to my contact and visitors list.” He said carefully. 

“Other.. _friends?_ ” Ragnor asked saying the word ‘friends’ with some irony in his voice. 

“Ehm.. no. No. My siblings just.” 

“Very well.” He smiled and handed two forms and a pen to Alec to fill out the details. 

He wasn’t ready to speak to them but he desperately needed someone to know about what’s been going on. He felt like he was constantly in the dark and he knew that if someone could turn on the lights it would be Izzy and Jace. 

***

He slowly walked towards the phones with his knees shaking. He will hear his siblings voice again. After a month he will speak to them finally. He was nervous. What if they would be angry at him? What if they won’t even answer? He shook his head. He knew, that no matter what, his siblings will always be there for him. They will always love him. 

He stopped at the end of line. Not even looking who else was around. His thoughts were occupied with different scenarios of what will happen. 

“Lightwood.” 

He looked up as someone called him. He had to stop his facial muscles from grimacing. Rey was waving at him from the front of the line, wide smile on his face. Alec just faked a smile and nodded, hoping it will be enough. 

“Don’t be silly, come up here. I’m sure they won’t mind it, right?” He said and looked at the guy behind him. It was a despising look. The sort of look that screamed, that he is better and that he knows it. It made Alec stomach turn. Not just because it was generally disgusting but because it showed him in a bad light. 

“I can wait. They’ve been waiting for their turn patiently. I think I can manage to do the same.” His voice was cold and refusing. 

“Now, now.. I’m sure you could. But why would you if you don’t have to?” He spread his arms with a smirk on his face. The way he spoke was oddly familiar to Alec but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Not that he really gave much thought to it. The meaning behind the man’s words were pissing him off too much. 

“Because I’m not Jonathan to use people and to take advantage of them. I’m not a piece of shit who thinks he deserves the fucking world. As I said. I’m good here.” He crossed his arm in front of him and slightly raised his chin. 

To his honest shock some of men in the line started to clap. 

Rey’s face shifted as he realised he was humiliated in front of a dozen men. He pressed his lips together, straightened his posture and walked away with his head held high without making a phone call. 

Alec couldn’t give a single fuck. He was absolutely sick of the man. With that he turned around and decided to ditch his plans about the call for tonight. He will call tomorrow. 

***

The next day he decided to have a quick shower before work. Most people showered at night so he was often alone in the bathroom. He thought he will have it to himself again but no. When he walked in he could hear the familiar noise of the water sprinkling, hitting the floor loudly. 

When he saw the two men he wanted to turn around and leave. He really did. But he couldn’t. He physically was unable to make his legs to move. 

One man was on his knees as he sucked off the other man enthusiastically. The other man wasn’t as thrilled since he decided to rather look into Alec’s eyes than to enjoy the kneeling man’s job. Alec didn’t need to see the man’s face to know that Elias was the one who had his mouth full. Alec wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to turn around and leave. He wanted to do something. _Anything._

But all he could do was to look at Magnus in the eye. They looked at each other for a few seconds. 

“Enjoying the view?” Magnus’ voice was low and deep. Alec heard as Elias let go off Magnus’ member with a loud pop and he wondered if he will ever forget that noise. Or the sight. He was sure it will haunt him in his dreams. 

Elias suddenly jumped to his feet, his face red but Alec wasn’t sure if it was caused by embarrassment or the heated.. situation between the two of them. 

“Not really. But seems like I wasn’t the only one not enjoying this.” He said with a deadpan look as he waved his hands towards them. 

He was satisfied to see the agonising look on Elias’ face just before he turned to Magnus. 

“What? Did you not enjoy it?” He heard the pain and uncertainty in the man’s voice as he looked into Magnus’ eyes once more with a smug smirk on his face as he turned around to leave. 

He will shower later.


	9. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xxxtentacion – Change (cover by xienn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your lovely comments!! I was so surprised to see that it made such an impact on you. (Who am I kidding.. I might cried a bit.)  
> I wanted to individually reply to each and every one of you.. but after writing this chapter my brain is drained..  
> I hope you will enjoy it guys.  
> Love you all 💕💕💕💕

Alec’s days were blending into each other. Every day was the same. He went to get food, did his job, attended his classes..but apart from that, he was alone.

Rey apologised for his ‘unacceptable’ behaviour and still ran after Alec occasionally, but with less enthusiasm. Not as if Alec would complain. He was happy to get rid off the man. He saw as Magnus spent his day with his friends. Seeing the man being happy was like salt on a wound. 

He wasn’t jealous for his happiness, it wasn’t a case of if I can’t have it then no one can. He just wished he could be a _part_ of it. 

As much as he tried hard to focus all his energy on being angry there was a very quiet voice in his head, demanding answers. 

_What did Alec do to him?_

_What mistake he made?_

The only thing that was worse than these questions, were the ones starting with why. 

_Why did Magnus want him dead?_

_Why did he pretend to be there for him if he despises him so much?_

_Why wasn’t he good enough?_

_Why did they all decide to abandon him after he chose them?_

His initial anger turned into sadness. He wasn’t furious anymore..he was hurt. 

There were so many times when he wanted to go to the other man and ask him some of those questions. There were moments when he even opened his mouth and took a big breath to start, but then closed it. In the end.. it doesn’t even matter. 

***

“Lightwood! Hey..” Alec was about to head towards the library when Catarina approached him with a smile. 

“Hey.” He said but despite his efforts, he wasn’t able to force a smile on his face. 

“Got a few minutes? There is a new guy. He arrived half an hour ago. He is placed into your unit. I was hoping you could help him to settle in.” 

The woman kept smiling as he looked up at Alec. He wanted to say no to her. He wasn’t the best company, besides he already planned to spend the next hour and a half in the library. 

“Sure.” He said as he remembered Ragnor’s words. 

“Thank you, Alec.” Catarina smiled again and they started to walk towards the unit. 

Alec wasn’t sure how he was supposed to ‘greet’ the new guy. He wasn’t exactly a shining example of a friendly and approachable person. 

Seemed like Izzy got all those genes leaving pretty much fuck all for him. 

“Here we are, Lightwood, this is Underhill. Underhill, this is Lightwood. He is one of the guys from your unit. I need to head on now, but if there is anything wrong, you know where my office is.” Catarina said as he introduced them to each other before she quickly left. 

The man seemed slightly older than Alec, maybe in his late twenties, early thirties. He was tall, almost as tall as Alec and had blonde hair. Alec had to admit the guy was pretty handsome. Not his type, but still. He nodded and held a hand out for the man. 

“Nice to meet you. I mean.. not as if I would be happy to meet you. I.. in here, not so nice to meet in here.” He wanted to punch himself. He fucking stuttered like some idiot. The man just laughed and took the offered hand. 

“Don’t worry. I know what you mean.” He said with a nod. 

“So… ehm. This is gonna be your room here.” Alec said as he pointed towards a door. 

“Okay. Thank you.” 

“Feel free to put your stuff away. Don’t worry. No one’s going to go into your room or take anything from you. We respect privacy.” He said as he saw some uncertainty in the man’s eyes. It was the first thing he discussed once he got into the unit. He hated to feel nervous each time when he got back to his room, not knowing if something went missing or if someone dig through his stuff or not. 

“Okay.” The man looked surprised and unbelieving. It was understandable. He clearly wasn’t expecting fair play as a newcomer. 

“Look. I’ve been to another unit before. The rules were different there and to be honest I fucking hated it. So, when I got here, I made it clear that I don’t want stealing and shit to happen. That’s it.” He said as he tried to convince the man that what he said was true and that he was being genuine. 

“Alright. Okay.” He nodded as he looked towards the door. 

“Have you been to the shop?” Alec asked as he remembered that he need to buy some stuff himself. 

Underhill just shook his head in response. 

“I have to..do you want to?” Alec asked pointing towards the main cell. 

“Yes, sure.” The man smiled and Alec felt a smile spreading on his face as well. 

***

“Do you know where you’ll be working?” Alec asked as he took a bite from his chocolate. 

“The laundry room.” Underhill said as he sniffed the shower gel he got. 

“I work there too.” Alec said matter-of-factly. 

“That’s good. We can go together then.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

They got back to their unit and had another 15 minutes before their shift started. He decided to lay down on the couch and let the other man to put his stuff away. 

***

He was a bit anxious as they got closer and closer to the room. He wasn’t sure how the others will react to the new guy and he didn’t want Magnus to be a dick to him just because they had some issues. When they got there Magnus, Raphael and Luke were standing next to a table talking away, 

He felt the other man stepping closer to him, their arms almost touched. Alec wasn’t sure how to handle the closeness of the other man or what was the reason behind it, so he didn’t move. Magnus turned his head towards them and raised an eyebrow as he looked at the two of them standing so close together. 

Alec wanted to step away or at least explain that it isn’t what it seems like it. 

“You must be the new guy.” Magnus said with a grin as he composed himself. Raphael kept looking at Alec as if he tried to read his face. 

“Yes. I’m Underhill.” 

“Yes, I can read, thank you very much.” Magnus’ smile was a bit sarcastic now and Alec involuntary rolled his eyes. Of course, he had to be a dick. 

“This is Magnus, Santiago and Garroway.” Alec sighed as he waved towards the trio. 

The two other men just nodded. 

“You’ll be working with Lightwood. The two of you seem to be glued together.” Magnus said with something in his voice that Alec couldn’t name. 

“I’ll show you what to do.” Alec said as it seemed that Magnus wasn’t in the mood to help. 

***

He and Underhill spent the whole time talking away about random things like books, music, tv shows, food and what not. Alec occasionally got some weird looks from Raphael, but he didn’t care. 

They headed to get dinner, when someone bumped into Underhill. Alec just raised an eyebrow as he looked at Raphael. 

“Sorry. My bad.” He smiled but Alec knew that smile by now. 

“How about you walk with your eyes open?” Alec’s smile was just as honest as Raphael’s. 

“Funny to hear that coming from you.” 

“What does that supposed to mean?” He raised his voice as he stepped closer. 

“Never mind.” Raphael said and the irony and sarcasm was gone. He looked.. sad? Disappointed? Alec shook his head. The boy had no right to feel those. It was Alec who got betrayed and fucked over. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to get into trouble because of me.” Underhill murmured quietly once they left Raphael behind. 

“It wasn’t your fault. He did that to piss me off.” He said biting his lip. 

“Why?” Underhill looked funny as his eyes widened in surprise. 

“We had some conflicts. Well, me and Magnus.” He really didn’t want to go into details, especially not with a guy he only knew for a few hours. 

“I can’t see, why wouldn’t anyone like you. You are nice and funny and interesting.” He said but quickly pressed his lips together. 

“It’s a long story.” 

“I see.” Underhill said quickly and he looked embarrassed. 

Alec knew how that sucked. He remembered the amount of times he blushed around Magnus, even if the other man didn’t realise. 

They got their foods and sat down to an empty table. Soon enough Rey joined them, and Alec supressed an eyeroll when the man silkily introduce himself. 

He wasn’t sure if Underhill picked up on his reluctance towards Rey or he had some common sense but he wasn’t near as nice and talkative towards the other man that he was with Alec. 

“Alexander.. I have a lovely new book I would like to show you later.” Rey said and Alec tightened his grip on the fork as his whole body stiffened. 

“Don’t ever call me like that.” His voice was cold stone as he pierced the other man with his eyes. 

“I..I’m sorry, I remember Magnus calling you like that and-“ 

“He did. But according to the best of my knowledge, you are not him. So, for you, it’s Alec.” His voice was still stern, but he tried to calm himself down. It was such a tiny thing. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was his..privilege.” The man said and Alec wondered if he was trying to get on his nerves on purpose. 

“No sweat. I am happy we could.. clarify things regarding to what I prefer to be called.” 

“It’s better to get things cleared now than having misunderstandings later on.” Rey smiled happily as he winked at Alec. 

If hell existed, Alec was fucking burning in it right now. Every moment of his dinner was pure suffering. Rey just kept talking and talking and Alec was bored out of his mind. He had to listen to all of his achievements as a kid and as an adult and he honestly could have not cared less. 

“Excuse me! Am I boring you?” Rey sounded offended as Alec let a yawn to slip out. He looked at Underhill from the corner of his eyes and he realised that the other man was on the edge of falling asleep as well. 

“No. By all means keep going on about your great accomplishments, but don’t forget to make notes of them later, it must be hard to keep up with all the lies.” 

A voice came from behind Alec and he didn’t need to turn around to know who was speaking. 

“Magnus. What a lovely surprise? What can I do for you?” Rey smiled but Alec could see the anger in his eyes. 

“Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t ask you a favour even if my life was depending on it.” Magnus waved and made some sound that sounded like a _pfff._

As much as Alec hated him, he needed all his willpower to keep back the laugh that was about to erupt. 

“Catarina wants to see you.” He said to Underhill. 

“Me? Why?” 

“She just bumped into me and asked me to send you into her office. I’m not her personal assistance.” The man said with an eye-roll. 

“You seem like one to me.” Alec said without turning towards the man. 

“Ha fucking ha.” Magnus said before leaving and even though Alec couldn’t see his face he knew he grimaced, he knew it by just the tone of his voice. 

“I better not keep her waiting then.” Underhill got up and Alec quickly followed him, he couldn’t endure another minute with Lorenzo. 

***

It was half eight when Alec left his unit. He didn’t see Underhill since dinner, but wasn’t really worried. He was probably still with Catarina. 

He was debating with himself since dinner, whether or not to call his siblings. He almost did the last time, but then changed his mind. He had to man up and stop making excuses. His siblings needed him, and he needed them even more. 

He was about to step into the line when Raj ran over to him, looking worried. 

“Alec! They got the new guy. In the workshop.” He was panting as he said, and Alec could feel his heart sinking as he registered the words in his mind. 

He looked around to make sure there were no guards around and started to sprint towards the workshop. 

He wasn’t really there before but he knew where it was. 

He hoped he wouldn’t be too late. 

As soon as he opened the door someone pulled him in and forced his arms behind his back. He gritted his teeth as the sharp pain ran through his body. 

Before he could observe his surroundings, someone punched him in the face. He felt the blood in his mouth, he wasn’t sure if he bit his lips or if it was the result of the attack. He spotted Underhill as he stood a few metres away from him, crying. 

He didn’t really know the guys apart from Raj. He only talked to him once but never would have guessed that he is such a son of a bitch. 

“Not everyone likes the way things are going Lightwood.” Raj said as he stopped in front of Alec. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

The man kicked him in the stomach, leaving him breathless for a moment and Alec found it hard to stay on his legs. 

“Language. And to answer your question, the little ally between you and Magnus.” 

“We..are not..really allies.” He said as he tried to straighten up, but he was shut up with another punch. 

“Stop lying.” The man spat into his face and hit him again..and again. 

The man grabbed his hair and pulled his head up. "Where are your friends Lightwood? Where is Magnus now? 

Alec saw through his tears as Underhill just leaned against the wall with his eyes shut tightly. 

He knew if this would happen the other way around he would have helped without a second thought. He would have tried to stop them. He would have stepoed up for the boy. 

He knew he would have, because he did it before. He did at his very first day. He defended Raphael. 

But now..there was no one here to defend him. 

He was all alone… no one was there to save him. 

_No one cared._

*** 

There were only a few minutes left until curfew. He was hurt. His whole body ached with every breath, with every step he took. He slowly made his way to the phones. His hands were shaking.. he knew he looked bad, very bad, but almost dropped the phone as he spotted himself on the shiny metallic surface. His eyebrow was split, his jaw and cheekbone was purple and red.. his lips busted..dry blood around his nose. 

He dialled the number with a trembling hand and shut his eyes tight, praying that it will still ring out. 

_Hey. It’s Izzy. Sorry, I can’t take your call right now. Leave a message._

There was no beep but instead the line cut off and Alec let out a shaky cry as he clutched the phone tighter.. he felt his legs giving up as he slid down along the wall. His whole body was shaking as the tears rolled down on his face. 

“I’m so alone Izzy.. I’m all alone..” He whispered into the mute phone before he let it go, leaving it hanging by the cord, listening to it rhythmically hitting the wall. 

He heard footsteps and opened his eyes. 

Magnus looked at him from the end of the corridor with his eyes wide open in shock. 

He saw through his tears as the man hurried towards him to drop on his knees. 

“Al..Alec.. I’m..I’m so sorry.. I can’t..can’t do this anymore. I never sent any messages. It wasn’t me. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted your death. Whoever it was, wanted you to think that it was me.. he didn’t want the two of us to become allies..to become friends..to become… and I thought if I let him believe that his plan worked I will have enough time to find him..but I failed. I couldn’t..i don’t know who is behind all this. I am so sorry. I should have never chose to.. I should have never let you down. I should have never let you go.” Magnus whispered and Alec heard the pain in the other man’s voice as he gently hugged him. 

_“You are not alone Alexander.. you will never be alone.”_ He whispered as he gently rocked Alec. He was still shaking, hurt and in pain.. but he didn’t care. Not when Magnus sat on the floor with him, caressing his hair.. keeping him together.. 

“Look at that. I’m gone for a few weeks and all hell breaks loose..seems like my efforts to get rid of you weren’t fruitful.” 

Alec and Magnus snapped their heads towards the voice. 

“That’s right.. I’m back.” Jonathan said as he held his arms out and smiled at the two men sitting on the cold floor. 


	10. Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayde Wolfs - Heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a filler chapter.. sort of not.  
> With shit tones of dialogues.  
> I am not 100% happy with it to be honest.. but i doubt i could make it any better no matter how long i sit on it so..  
> might as well let you guys decide what you think of it  
> xx

There were two things people knew for sure.  
One, that Jonathan Morgenstern was back.  
And two, that there was an alliance forming between Magnus and Alec.

They both caused mixed feelings to people. Some people, especially the members of the Circle were happy to get their leader back and they were bitter about the little union that started to blossom on the other side. 

Most people didn’t fear Jonathan that much as they knew that Alec and Magnus were strong individually, but together, they were unbeatable. 

Alec spent the following two days in medical care to treat his injuries. He was asked several times by several people to what happened, but he stuck to his story, saying that he fell down the stairs in a rush because he wanted to make a phone call before curfew. 

No one believed him but they were unable to force him to tell the truth. 

He, along with Magnus and Raphael were constantly on edge. They didn’t know what Jonathan had in mind, but they knew for sure that he was planning something against them. The fact that the man was lying low just showed that it will be something big. 

Magnus made sure that Raj pays for his dumb decision greatly. When Alec was discharged by the nurse Raj was brought in with two broken arms. Alec wasn’t sure what happened, but he didn’t even care. He never favoured aggression or brutality, but he felt some sort of satisfaction to see that the man won’t be able to punch anyone in the foreseeable future. 

***

When Alec got to the canteen, Jonathan and the rest of the circle members were nowhere near. 

He found Magnus sitting alone without the rest of the guys and he also spotted Underhill sitting alone as well with a slice of bread and a glass of water in front of him. Turned out that Raj wasn’t the only one having to pay for his actions. 

He raised an eyebrow as he turned towards Magnus. 

“I might have told Meliorn that he is on a special diet until further notice.” Magnus said innocently as he scratched his chin. 

Alec couldn’t supress a laugh. It was so Magnus like. He didn’t want to hurt the guy seriously but wanted to show him that if he makes a wrong decision that comes with consequences. Even if it something like not getting proper food for a few days. He won’t be seriously harmed but will definitely reconsider his actions in the future. 

“And how long is this..special diet will last for?” He asked trying to pull off a serious face. 

“Well, he is only on the first day of it.” Magnus said and Alec saw something was off about the way he looked away. 

“Magnus? What is that face? I know that face..” Alec said suspiciously as he tried to catch his gaze. 

“Okay.. maybe I said to Meliorn yesterday morning that the boy isn’t hungry. So technically he went a full day without food.” He said carefully. 

“You starved him for an entire day?” Alec asked raising his eyebrows. 

“No one died before for not eating for a day.” Magnus said with an eyeroll. 

“You are really mad at him, aren’t you?” Alec leaned back in his chair. 

“Yes and no. I am mad of course. But I am also mad at myself. I am just as guilty for this happening to you then he is.” 

“Stop this… self-flagellation. You told me what happened and why you decided to do what you did. If you would have decided to tell me your plan, I could have ended up dead. It.. it did hurt me. To think that you all turned your back on me, and to think that it was all an act just to get close to me so you can kill me.. but I see why you did it. And to be honest I don’t think I could have pretended to hate you if I knew the truth.” 

“You hated me?” Magnus asked suddenly, looking at Alec with sadness in his eyes. 

“I did. At the start. I hated all of you. But then.. I was just.. confused. Not knowing what I did wrong or.. why did you do it. I was sad.. maybe.” He didn’t want to tell the man how betrayed he felt, how utterly lonely he was. 

“I am so sorry Alexander.. to put you through all that. I truly am.” Magnus said placing a hand on his arm as he talked to him. 

“Buenos dias.” Raphael said as he got to their tables along with Luke and.. and Elias. Raphael threw himself down next to Alec and Luke sat down at the end of the table. 

Alec watched as Elias stepped towards the seat next to Magnus and for some fucked up reason, he straightened his leg out to attach his foot under the seat, disabling the man from being able to pull out the chair. 

When Elias grabbed it and it didn’t move, he looked confusedly at Magnus who just looked into Alec’s eyes. Alec grinned at Magnus, still not moving his leg. 

“Can I sit down?” Elias asked and he sounded slight pissed as he looked at Alec. 

“Yeah. You can. Any where you want. Anywhere but there.” He smiled up at the man, breaking his gaze from Magnus. 

“I think it’s not your call to make.” He said with a cold tone as Alec watched his nostrils flaring. 

“Magnus, would you like Elias to sit next to you?” Alec looked at the man a mischievous smile still playing on his lips. 

“Yes. Please.” Magnus said quietly and he tried to avoid looking Alec in the eye. 

“Alright then.” Alec replied with a nod, the smile instantly turned into a bitter one. He got up from his seat and walked to Underhill. 

“Hey.” He said as he pulled away the plate from the blonde boy and replaced it with his own one. 

“Alec.. I..” The man started but Alec waved his hand stopping the guy from continuing. 

“It’s okay. I get it. I’m not angry. I know you didn’t mean it.” He said and he was honest. He wasn’t angry rather disappointed, even if deep down he knew that his disappointment wasn’t only towards the man alone. 

“Your friend surely is.” He said as he anxiously bit his lips. 

“He will get over it.” Alec replied, knowing exactly who the other man was talking about. 

“I’m so sorry..for being a coward and not standing up for you.” _Seemed like Underhill just couldn’t get over it._

“It’s okay. You are new. No one would have expected you to defend me. I didn’t.” 

“Yeah..well he should have.” Raphael said standing next to their table. 

“Raphael..” Alec started with sigh.. he was tired for this. 

“No, Alec. This coward little shit did nothing to help. He just stood there like a fucking dick watching you getting beaten up. Just because he is new it doesn’t mean it’s okay not to help. Out of all people you should know that.” He said not braking his gaze from Underhill, who tried to sink into his chair with not much success. 

“That was different.” Alec said hoping to end this argument. 

“Yes, you are right. That was different. We only exchanged three words before, without a blink, you decided to stand up for me against two men. Whereas, he spent the whole day with you. Talking, getting to know you, yet he felt no urge to watch your back when it all came down to shit.” 

Alec wasn’t sure if Raphael’s anger was strictly towards the other man or if it was partially against himself too, but he guessed it was a bit of both. 

“Not everyone is the same. I decided to help you, even though I didn’t know you. Because _I am like that._ The fact he didn’t do the same to me means nothing.” Alec stood up and wasn’t sure why he was defending the other man after all. 

“Would you say the same if Magnus would have been there that night? Would you still say that it means nothing if he would have let them beat the shit out of him?” Raphael asked sternly. 

“Yes. I would let Elias feel personally offended, since he has the privilege to do that.” Alec said with a grimace and he hoped he didn’t sound as jealous as he felt. 

“Really? Elias?” Raphael only raised an eyebrow and let out a disbelieving laugh. 

Alec just rolled his eyes and got up from his seat to had towards his unit. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to Underhill’s apologies or Raphael’s teasing. 

***

He paced up and down in his room. He had no idea why he brought up Elias in the middle of that conversation. It was so.. teenage girl like. Having this sudden jealousy and bitchiness. He was an adult man after all for God’s sake, yet he acted like Izzy at the age of sixteen. 

He sighed as he threw himself onto his bed, placing his arms behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling. 

Someone knocked on his door and he sat up so quick it made him feel dizzy for a second. He doubted Jonathan would knock before marching in to slit his throat but still.. 

“Yea?” He asked suspiciously. His door opened and he spotted a blonde head. The third or forth worst option. He wasn’t sure if Raphael or Underhill was closer to the top of the list. Jonathan was surely leading it with Magnus right after him. 

“Hey.. can I come in?” He asked and Alec almost pointed out that technically he was already in but instead he just nodded as he sat up on his bed. 

The man came in and walked to him, sitting down next to him. 

“Look.. I am sorry for what happened-“ 

“You already told me.” Alec said and wanted to lay back down onto his bed, but the other man grabbed his arm. Alec just looked down at the man’s hand as his fingers curled around his wrist but didn’t say another word. 

“Just hear me out. I felt… horrible because I really like you. We talked about so many things.. and I think you are so kind and nice to everyone. You were so nice to me even on my first day.” Alec wanted to tell him, that he would have been nice to pretty much anyone, so that it wasn’t really a personal thing, but he didn’t want to interrupt the man. It was better to get done with it now in one go. “I just.. don’t want you to hate me for it. I know you said you don’t but saying something and doing something is different. I know your friends hate me and I get it. But I don’t really care.. as long as you.. don’t.” He looked nervous and Alec really wasn’t sure why the man cared so much about whether he liked him or not, but he somehow started to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation, especially since the man was still holding his hand as they sat close to each other. 

“Alexan..” The door suddenly opened as Magnus stepped inside. 

Alec jumped up as if the bed bit him in the ass with Underhill’s hand still gripping his own. 

“Did I disturb something?” Magnus asked with a smile and Alec and Underhill answered in the same time, Alec saying no while Underhill said yes. They only earned a raised eyebrow from Magnus. 

“No.” Alec said again as he pulled his hand out from the other man’s grasp. 

“We’ll talk later.” Underhill said as he realised that he wasn’t welcomed there at that moment. 

“Sure.” Alec said as he watched the other man walking out of his room, closing the door behind himself. 

“You know the poor boy is madly in love with you, right?” Magnus asked from his spot, not moving any closer to Alec. 

“He knows me for a day. Don’t be ridiculous.” Alec said and he had no idea how such a smart man like Magnus could say something this stupid. 

“The madly in the sentence wasn’t used to emphasize the strength of his feelings but to point out how wrong it is that he has it at the first place.” Magnus said and Alec could hear some sarcasm in his voice but wasn’t sure if it was meant for Underhill’s ‘feelings’ or for him. 

“I doubt it. I think he just has some mad twinge of conscious.” He said, highlighting the word mad with some irony. 

“We’ll see about that.” Magnus grinned at Alec with a wink. As much as Alec wanted not to be affected by the wink it didn’t really work out for him. 

“Why are you here Magnus?” He asked boredly with a sigh. 

“Oh, about that. You got a new roommate, and I came with him.” 

“Yea? And who is it?” Alec asked carelessly. 

“Elias.” Magnus said and Alec murmured a what the fuck to himself. _The universe surely has a sick sense of humour._


	11. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn.. having some serious writer's block right now..  
> I have tons of future chapters done.. but I feel like the last chapter, along with this one, isn't what I wanted it to be.  
> I promise I will be back in the game after this one.  
> I hope you will like it tho  
> xx

It’s been weeks since Elias has been transferred into his unit.

Alec managed to get his shit together and successfully acted like an adult man. He wasn’t mocking him anymore and he tried to behave around him. They didn’t become friends and probably never will, which is rather Alec’s fault and his previous behaviour. Elias wasn’t friendly by all means but he was able to keep up a decent conversation with him every now and on. 

Magnus didn’t become a regular visitor in their unit so, he assumed Elias went over to his instead. Alec was damn grateful for that. He wasn’t sure if he could endure watching them getting all _lovey-dovey._

Raphael was a proper dick since. He didn’t miss a chance to mock Alec with Magnus. First, it was funny, but it became very annoying after a week. By the third week he lost his shit. They were standing at the laundry room, ten minutes before work when Raphael brought up the bathroom incident. He spent two minutes laughing when Alec told him what he said. 

“I’m sure you could have done it better, right? Not having a gag reflex can come handy when you get a mouth full of-“ He could never finish his sentence as Alec spotted Magnus turning in at the corner and he panicked. 

He was so afraid Magnus would overhear them that he did the only thing he could think of at that moment. He punched Raphael in the face. 

“Ow. What the fuck?” He said as he held his hand to his face. 

“Raphael, dear friend of mine.. what have you done to piss off Alec this much?” Magnus said and he sounded amused and cheerful rather than worried. He passed them with a smile as he headed towards the lift to bring up the dirty laundry. 

“Dios mios.. next time a simple shut up will be enough.” Santiago looked at Alec with a sharp look. He quickly realised the reason behind the punch, but it didn’t make it any better. 

“Fuck.. I know..sorry.” He murmured apologetically. 

“It was probably well deserved to be honest..” Raphael shrugged and grinned to Alec. 

“It was.” Alec laughed. 

***

There was a market event coming up. There was a quiz night among the inmates. Each correct answer earned a token. Those tokens were to use as a payment for the goods that were on sale. It was nothing serious, just some fun time for the inmates. The management hoped that it would create some peace among the inmates even if just for a while. 

Since Alec was a smart guy, he had no problem earning some tokens for himself. The three of them made it into a personal competition. Alec wasn’t known for being competitive, it was normally Jace who was always up for some challenge, but since Raphael and Magnus were both so invested in it, he didn’t want to back out. Everyone got a sheet of paper with 30 questions in different topics. They got questions about history, science, art, sports, languages and culinary arts. He had no problem with most of it, but some was a real bitch. 

_Which famous artist painted the water lilies series?_ Knowing Magnus and his passion for everything old, worthy and beautiful, he had no doubt the man knew the answer to that one. 

_Translate the following into English. Dim spiro, spero._ He should take a few Spanish lessons from Raphael.. 

He was very proud for getting 24 questions right, without any sort of preparation. 

“Here is the moment of truth bitches.” Raphael rolled in, looking extremely confident. Alec and Magnus rolled their eyes in the same moment. 

“Don’t be so cocky Raphael. I can rest assure you I won.” Magnus said with a grin. 

“Aye?.. I got 22.” He beamed and Alec laughed into his face. 

“No shit. I got 24. Don’t cry though.. it’s a good enough result.” He tapped the man in the shoulder and Raphael grimaced. 

“Nice one Alexander.. too bad it’s still not enough to beat me.” Magnus winked as he showed up his paper 

“What the hell?” Alec grabbed the paper from his hand to double check it. 

“Are you taking the piss?” Raphael looked at Magnus with a surprise. 

“30 out of 30.” Magnus nodded with a wink. 

“Fucking unbelievable.” Raphael muttered it to himself in disbelief. 

“Hey.” Elias joined them. 

“Hey.” Alec said, smiling at the other man. He is a work in progress, but he is doing well. 

“How did it go kiddo?” Alec frowned.. he wasn’t sure but he thought Elias was actually older than Santiago. 

“Alright I guess.” He looked a bit uncomfortable and tried to hide the paper behind himself not too obviously. 

“Let me see.” Before Alec or Magnus could have react, Santiago stole the sheet from the boy to have a look. 

He didn’t say anything, he just looked at the paper with a deadpan look before he handed it back without a word. 

“What?” Magnus asked as he stepped closer Elias. 

“How much did you get?” Elias looked at Alec and he was so surprised he couldn’t answer suddenly. 

“Ehm.. I.. It could have been better.” He licked his lips, not wanting to answer. 

“Yes? So, what is it? 5? 10? 15?” Elias looked frustrated. 

“It doesn’t matter. It was just a quiz thing.. for tokens.” Magnus tried to calm the boy down. He enjoyed making this into a competition with Alec and Raphael but didn’t want Elias to feel bad or self-conscious about his result. 

“I know you made a bet. I guess you never thought about asking me if I want to get in. I only went to college. Not like some others who hold some fancy university degree.” His voice sounded bitter and Alec didn’t need to think twice who the boy might have referred to. He did mention it once to Raphael before, but he didn’t think it would get to Elias as well. 

“Don’t make him feel ashamed for having a university degree and don’t you feel ashamed for not having one.” Magnus said still relatively calmly but Alec could see his body slightly tensing up. 

“Oh, I shouldn’t feel bad for not being smart enough? Good to know, now I feel a lot better.” He was so sarcastic and ironic that even Raphael raised an eyebrow. They exchanged a look and decided to leave the two of them alone. It started to get ugly and none of them wanted to witness it. 

_There goes all the fun._

***

Alec and Raphael spent the whole day avoiding Magnus and Elias. None of them needed that kind of drama. Alec was tempted to ask Raphael about Elias’ result, but didn’t want the other man to think that he has any kind of joy finding out if he did bad. 

Turned out Elias wasn’t the only one not having fun that day. Despite of having some very easy questions, some inmates didn’t manage to get more than a few right. He was sure it was the first and last time the prison would do such thing. 

“Alec, hey.” Underhill greeted him when he got back to his unit. 

“Oh, hey. How’s things?” He smiled at the other man. They didn’t really talk since last time. Not on purpose, they simply didn’t have a chance. 

“All good. How did the quiz go?” The man asked with a smile. 

“Good. Got 24.” He said and hoped it won’t cause another shit show. 

“Nice! I got 24 as well. Seems like we both did great.” The man sad happily and Alec nodded in agreement. 

“Do you think they got dinner ready by now?” Alec pouted as he felt empty-stomached. 

“I’m sure. Meliorn left a good hour ago, he better be fucking working his ass off to make some fancy five course meal for us.” He laughed as he got up from the couch to had towards the canteen with Alec. 

It was jam-packed by the time they got there, and Alec saw that there were two empty seats left for them at Magnus’ table. Once he got his food he was about to head towards the table when someone pumped into him. He stood there covered in food as he turned around. 

“Sorry, didn’t see you there.” Jonathan’s voice was so innocent Alec almost believed him. Just almost. 

“No sweat. Nothing a shower couldn’t solve.” He smiled and turned around to walk to their table. 

“That son of a bitch.” Raphael muttered as he looked towards Jonathan. 

“If he wants to spend the rest of his days in here wasting his food on me, by all means, hopefully he will end up starving to death.” Alec sighed with an eyeroll and placed his tray on the table. 

“I’ll be back in ten minutes. I grab a quick shower.” He said as he felt his t-shirt sticking to his back as the it absorbed the food. 

***

He was actually fuming. He inwardly cursed the whole way to the bathroom. 

When he got there, he quickly threw his towel and shower gel on the bench before turning the water on. He was about to take his t-shirt off when Magnus marched in. 

Alec froze in the middle of his movement. His fingers grabbing the collar of his t-shirt as he was about to pull it off, looking at Magnus. 

“What?” The older man asked as he looked back at him. 

“What are you doing here?” Alec asked as he dropped his hands. 

“I wanted to make sure you are alright.” He shrugged. 

“As you can see, I’m all good. So, if you wouldn’t mind.” He waved towards the doors. 

“I’ll wait for you.” He said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“So, you’re going to stand there watching me?” He raised his eyebrows in confusion. 

“Why not?” 

“I don’t feel particularly thrilled by the idea of getting naked while you’re standing there staring at me.” 

“You saw me naked before.” Magnus said and there was some teasing in his voice. 

“Not willingly, I may add.” 

“You didn’t seem to be leaving in a rush.” Magnus pointed out the obvious and Alec started to feel uncomfortable. 

“What do you want Magnus?” He was starting to lose his patience. 

“ _And you?_ ” Magnus looked into his eyes as he walked closer to Alec. 

Alec opened his mouth to answer but the words got lost half way through as Magnus stopped in front of him, their bodies almost touching. 

The man looked into Alec’s eyes then his gaze hoovered down to his lips. He felt the man’s hands grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt on both sides, gently pulling it upwards. 

He felt shivers running down his spine as he felt the warm touch of the man’s hands on his bare skin. His fingertips barely touching the sensitive skin over his ribs. 

He sighed as he let the man pull his t-shirt off above his head. Magnus looked at his tattoos with a gaping mouth.. slowly raising his hand to touch one. 

Alec grabbed his wrist, stopping him from doing so. 

“What are you doing?” Alec whispered as he looked at Magnus, his brain finally catching up with himself. 

“I don’t know.” Manus whispered back, still in daze. 

“I’m not doing this.” Alec shook his head and stepped away from the man. 

Magnus looked like he woke up from some spell. He turned around and rushed out. 

For probably the first time ever Alec didn’t mind the cold water coming from the shower.

***

Alec avoided Magnus for the rest of the day and for the next day as well. He made it look innocent and unintentional. 

The market was a huge success. He walked around for a good half an hour before he spotted something that caught his interest. 

The guys were Asians selling random hand-made bits and pieces. He remembered Magnus and him having a discussion about Japanese charms after he read the book in the library. 

He wasn’t sure if the guy was being a dick or genuinely believed in the whole charm thing bringing good luck and protection, but it cost him 20 tokens. He would have gave away all of it anyway. 

He sneaked into Magnus’ unit and placed the tiny omamori charm on his bedside table. He knew Magnus would know that it was from him, so he didn’t bother leaving any messages. 

He smiled as he closed the door behind himself.


	12. Elias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleuire - Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favourite chapter to write so far.
> 
>  
> 
> I enjoyed writing every single bit of it and that is why i couldn't wait till tomorrow to upload it.  
> So you guys got 2 tonight.  
> I am fucking amazing, I know.  
> xx

“You know I’m not blind, right?” Elias asked as he looked at Alec.

The two of them were in the common area, the rest of the guys were already in their rooms. 

Alec wasn’t sure what the boy meant by it but before he could have asked it, he continued. 

“I see the way he looks at you.” He said and this time his voice sounded sad and hurt. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Alec said and partially it was true. He knew he was talking about Magnus, but he personally never found anything strange about the way the older man looked at him. 

“I know you don’t see it. But I do. He looks at you in the way I always wished he would look at me.” The man wasn’t angry while he talked but rather disappointed. 

Alec walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. He didn’t know what to say, not even sure if it’s his place to talk about such things. 

“I was here for a few years by the time Magnus got in. I remember the first time I saw him. He was.. so elegant, so unreachable, absolutely beautiful and totally out of my league. He was placed into a different unit obviously, and for months I tried to get his attention. It wasn’t easy. He quickly befriended Raphael and they were inseparable. They still are. If you are looking for one of them, it’s enough if you find the other one, because they are always together. The only thing is that you joined them now. Making the duo into a trio.  


After some dreadful months, we finally talked. Well, he did. I was going to the garden, to check on the flowers. Some inmates have the sick desire to destroy everything that’s nice, so I wanted to make sure the tulips were still there. He came over to me and asked me if it was me, who planted them. I was so taken aback by the fact that, out of the blue he finally talked to me that first I didn’t even know what to say. Like I went mute. Then I nodded and he said they are beautiful, and he gifted me with the nicest smile I ever saw. I felt horrible for having feelings for someone, in here, especially because well.. being in prison isn’t the perfect place for romance, not even for the one-sided, platonic ones.  


He often stopped me on the corridor, asking about the flowers and gardening and we started to talk. Nothing serious, just general things. Likes and dislikes. That sort of thing.” He said and a faint smile was playing on his lips. Alec had no idea why the other man was telling him all this, but he stayed quiet and let him continue. 

“I knew I was playing with fire. I saw him as a potential love interest since the very first day, but he only saw me as a kid from another unit, with some passion towards gardening. The thing is, I was so desperately after his company by then, that I was happy enough to be the kid from unit three if that’s all I can ever be to him. Even if with each passing day, I was falling more and more for him.  


Raphael never really liked me I think, but its hard to tell, he isn’t the affectionate type. I guess you know that by now.” He smiled at Alec and he also cracked a smile. Raphael was everything but. He understood why the other man felt that way about Raphael, however he knew that even if Raphael liked him, he would still pretend he didn’t. 

“We sort of become friends regardless, I never became the part of their special.. club, but neither did Lucian, even thought most people think otherwise. Luke is a great friend of theirs and an ally, but he isn’t as close to them as they are to each other.  
Anyways, that’s been going on for..what three years or so.. and slowly but surely, I fall in love with Magnus, even though I knew that he doesn’t feel the same way and maybe he never will. But I didn’t give up the hope that one day, he will realise that I’m not just a friend he can have fun with when he feels lonely and needs some intimate company.” The guy bit his lip and looked at Alec sheepishly. 

Alec was surprised to realise that he feels no trace of jealousy hearing that the two of them have been or still are in an intimate relationship. He surely knew it since he busted them one day unintentionally, but he didn’t feel jealous even knowing that it wasn’t the only time. He felt sad and..somehow sorry for the other man. 

“Anyways.. I’ve been holding onto this trace of hope that it will eventually change, that it will turn into something..more. But then you came along.” He said and his voice wasn’t accusing or angry, he just stated it as a fact. 

“You have no idea.. at all what I felt when I saw you standing in the line for dinner and he walked over to you. Knowing that you managed to accomplish something that took me months just with your presence. I know you helped Raphael and that was a major part in it but still. You didn’t have to look at him from far for weeks before he realised that you even existed. You only had to get into the same room with him, and you had his full attention straight away. I felt utterly jealous I’m not gonna lie. Seeing that he was interested in you that quickly without you making any effort was painful. But I told myself that it’s all to do with his love towards Raphael and it’s not like that he has a personal interest in you. 

I told myself the same thing when he hotfoot ran to protect you from Wilson and Moore. 

I told myself the same every time he looked at you or I heard him talking to Raphael about you. 

When you tried to sneak in the stuff for Jonathan and he stayed with you the entire time.. I went over to see him, but Raphael sent me away. I asked him where Magnus was, and he told me he was where he was meant to be at that moment. And I knew without seeing you or knowing what’s been going on that he was with you. And it broke my heart. I felt betrayed and stupid. But again.. I told myself that I have nothing to worry about. You didn’t seem to be interested in him at all, so even if there was something it had to be one sided. I tried to reassure myself that I still have him.  


When Magnus gave you the ultimatum to choose between them and Jonathan, I hoped you would be coward enough to choose Jonathan, but I should have known better. The guy who became famous on his first day for defending an inmate, surely won’t back off from some good old revenge.” 

Alec just looked at his hands as he listened to Elias. He felt terrible for him. For this whole thing. He never really thought about these things, not until now. He never even thought that him getting in there has affected so many people’s lives. He kept quiet hoping that the man would continue, and he did. 

“Then the whole cold treat between the two of you for weeks. I had no idea what happened, I still don’t. I asked Magnus but he refused to answer and made it clear that it wasn’t something I should worry about therefore I should drop it. I did of course, I didn’t want to piss him off, even if I was desperate to find out what happened. Then on the night when you..you came in while we were in the bathroom.. I fucking hated you. I hated you so much, that in that moment I knew if I wouldn’t be in prison right now, I would surely get here after beating you to death. But of course, it was a momentary anger. It was gone in minutes, and for the record, I wouldn’t actually ever think about hurting you, even if you hurt me everyday by just being in here.” He sent a sad smile towards Alec, but he was so shocked from hearing all that, that he couldn’t respond. 

“After the market.. I saw the wee charm thing you gave to him. I also heard Magnus saying to Raphael that, that was the first gift he got in years.. from anyone. And I.. I started to realise slowly that this whole thing between us was never real. Because I gave him gifts before, flowers, but surely, they can count as gifts. But he didn’t see it that way.  


And as much as it hurt I had to realise that no matter how much I want, how much I try.. I’ll never have him. I probably never even had a chance, but I didn’t see it before, I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to believe that the only reason, that we are not together is because we are in prison and he doesn’t want to get emotionally involved with anyone for obvious reasons. But when you came along.. I realised that it’s not the case. He could fall in love with someone. He could get emotionally attached to someone. But that someone was never me and will never be.” He took a deep breath and Alec could see that the man was on the edge of crying and he really hoped it wouldn’t happen because he had no idea how to react. 

“I wanted to hate you. I maybe did occasionally. But I could never truly despise someone who makes the man I love, truly happy. Happy in a way I never managed to make him. And you might don’t feel anything towards him, but.. if you are then all I’m asking is to know that.. he deserves the world.. I would give him in a blink of an eye, but he doesn’t want it from me. So, I hope you will give it to him and also that you will give him everything I couldn’t. That you will love him the way he deserves to be loved. That you will be there for him no matter what, the way I know he will be there for you. That you will spend each day making him happy because I can’t.” 

He said and Alec couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t swallow, couldn’t even move. After a few seconds he finally managed to find his voice. 

“Why.. why are you telling this all to me?” His voice was rusty and he had to clear his throat. 

“I told him the same thing, you know?” 

“You did?” 

“Yes.” 

“And?” 

“He said that he hopes that one day I will find a man who will love me from the bottom of his heart for everything who I am because I deserve to find love, to find happiness.” He smiled sadly and Alec saw a trace of tear making its way down along his cheek. 

He licked his lips before he started to speak, and he hoped that the man will see that he _really_ means these words. 

“Thank you. And I truly hope you will, because someone who can love this unconditionally, so truly without any selfishness.. does deserve to be happy.” He said and put his hand on the man’s shoulder and gently squeezed it. 

“Thank you, Alec.” The man whispered and he looked so relieved and free for finally being able to let something go he desperately held onto for years.


	13. Lorenzo Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kergy – Dangerous game
> 
> I can't believe that we are over 300 kudos and 6000 hits. I love you guys so much!!  
>  Thank you

Alec spent his whole night tossing and turning in his bed, thinking about all the things Elias told him.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up in the morning feeling like he has been hit by a bus. _Three times._

He yawned as he tried to stand straight. He looked around, spotting Meliorn standing with his eyes closed, leaning against his door, Rey stood there like he was up for hours, his hair neatly in a pony tail, his head held up high, the usual patronizing smile on his face. Alec looked away from him, rolling his eyes as he looked over to Underhill. 

The blonde man must have thought the same because when they looked at each other they almost busted into a laugh. Alec licked his lips as he tried to hold it back, not letting his gaze leave Underhill. 

The other man looked into his eyes as he tried to imitate Rey, his standing position and cocky expression. Alec leaned towards Underhill and whispered into his ears 

“You know as a man of many talents I have accomplished more than people twice of my age. Just look at this perfectly created pony tail.” He tried to use the tone Rey does when he talked about himself and it seemed to be spot on because Underhill whimpered as he pressed his lips together. 

“Everyone to the wall.” Lewis said as he walked in. He looked blushed and his hair was slightly messy. Alec raised an eyebrow as he watched the man. 

If he wouldn’t know better, he would say he had a quickie minutes ago. 

“Unbelievable. He was four minutes late.” Rey said as he walked out of the cell and that’s all Alec and Underhill needed. 

As soon as Rey was out of sight, they lost it. Alec could feel as the tears slid down his cheek, his stomach hurt, and he couldn’t breath properly. 

“Fuck me…” Underhill sighed as he finally managed to stop. 

They still smiled as they walked towards the canteen. On their way he saw as Jonathan and his people headed to get breakfast as well. Alec couldn’t hide a grin as he spotted Raj with his arms in plaster. His smile froze onto his face as his eyes met Jonathan’s. The man was smiling as well and after a long time that smile made his whole body shake as he got a terrible feeling. 

They got their food and they both turned towards their table. Alec frowned as he realised that Elias was sitting on his place, leaving the seat next to Magnus empty. 

He suddenly felt uncomfortable as he made his way to the tables. 

“Hey.” He said in general to everyone and threw himself down next to Magnus. 

“Morning.” Magnus said as he looked towards Alec. Raphael just nodded, so did Luke. 

“Hey.” Elias said with an unsure smile. 

They started to eat, talking about general stuff. Alec watched as Jonathan walked out and there was something unsettling about the way he looked towards their table. 

“Jonathan is up to something.” Alec whispered to Magnus, making sure no one else can hear him. 

The other man nodded and signalled to Raphael as they got up. 

Elias and Underhill exchanged a confused look, not knowing what was going on. 

***

He went back to his unit after he talked to Magnus and Raphael about Jonathan’s odd behaviour. He didn’t know for sure if he was up to something, but it was better safe than sorry when it comes to a psycho like him. 

“Want some tea? I was about to head back to the canteen to make one.” Elias asked when he got back. 

“No, I’m good, thank you.” He smiled at the man. 

Alec went into his room, closing the door behind him. He lied down, hoping to catch up on some sleep. He didn’t know how long he was asleep for when the alarms went off. He sat up as his heart beat like crazy in his chest. _Magnus_

He heard noises from outside of his room as he got up and rushed towards the door. He was dead in his track as he spotted the man lying on the floor. 

“Code 121 in unit two. Possible poising.” The guard said into the radio and Alec could feel his legs giving up on him as he dropped onto his knees 

***

“I’m sorry. I know you two guys were getting friendlier with each other.” Rey said as he walked to Alec, placing a hand on his shoulder. It’s been two days since that horrible morning and there was no lead as of who did it. 

“Thanks. I just don’t get it…” Alec said as he stared down at his hands. 

“Crazy.. he was dead before anyone realised there was something off. I can’t even imagine what kind of pills would work that fast.” Lorenzo said as he shook his head disbelievingly. Alec nodded in agreement as he looked towards the man. He weakly smiled. 

“I need to go now.” Alec said as he straightened up and headed towards the IT rooms. 

P>

Underhill was there already, just as he hoped. 

“Alec.. hey.” The man said as he spotted him. 

“Hey. I need something from you.” Alec said as he looked around. 

“Like..what?” 

“Did you say the man, who teaches the class has a Samsung?” 

“Yes, he does.” Underhill said having no idea where this was going. 

“Great. I want you to steal his charger.” Alec said as he looked into the other man’s eyes. 

“You want.. what?!” The man’s eyes widened in shock. 

“Did I fucking stutter?” Alec whispered angrily. 

“Look.. Alec.. I..” 

“No. You listen to me.” Alec said as he pushed the other man to the wall, grabbing his t-shirt tightly. “You watched without a word when Raj beat me up in the workshop. He got his arms broken for it. But you? Nothing. You fucking owe me. So, it’s time to pay your debt.” 

He hated himself for bringing that up, but he had no choice. If the man gets him the charger because he is scared of Alec, let it be. He needed it more than he cared about his relationship with Underhill. 

The blonde man gulped and nodded. 

“Great. Bring it straight to my room once you got it.” He said and stepped away from the man, leaving without a second glance. 

***

He spent his entire two hours while he sat in class, going over his plan. He had to think about all the possible scenarios. There was no place for mistakes. He only had once chance to pull this off. 

His door opened as Underhill rushed in. He looked nervous as hell and Alec took that as a good sign. 

“Got what I asked for?” Alec’s voice was stern. 

“I.. I want to ask something for it. In exchange.” The man sad nervously 

“You’re not really in the position to negotiate." He said with a condescending smile as he took a step closer to the man, putting his hand out. 

“One thing. Just one.” The man said still not handing over the charger. 

Alec had no time for this shit. He stepped towards the man who backed off until his back met the door. 

“You are not the one writing the rules.” Alec said as he placed his hands on both sides of the man’s head, trying to intimidate him as much as possible without having to use actual violence. He felt something pressing to his tight as he stood there. He looked down and he suddenly forgot what else he was going to say. 

“What the fuck?” Alec furrowed. He was supposed to get scared and give Alec the charger without wasting his time any further but instead the man was hard. 

Alec wanted to step away, but Underhill grasped him and crushed their lips together. 

“Stop.” Alec said as he pushed his hands away, stepping back, trying to get as much as space between them as possible. 

“Alec I..” Underhill looked confused and sorry, but Alec didn’t care, not right now. 

“No..just… just shut up.” He held his hand up. 

“I’m..” 

“I said shut up and give me that fucking charger.” He was shaking with anger. 

The man held it out with shaky hands. Alec jus took it quickly and passed the man, ripping the door open and rushed out of his unit. 

He could easily hide it in his hoodie’s pocket, but he was still nervous as he headed towards the laundry room. 

The first step of his plan was successful. 

Now he needed to get the second part moving. 

When he got to the laundry room, he quickly looked around. It was empty. He rushed to one of the machines and threw himself onto the ground. He tossed the charger and the phone behind the machine as he tried to get hold of the cable, he hoped if he can pull the machine out, he will be able to plug in the charger. He thankfully had long arms so reaching the cables wasn’t a problem. He quickly swapped them, putting the phone on charge. 

“What are you doing there?” _Ballocks. Fuck._

“I lost a pack of tissues. I checked in case it fell behind the machines.” Alec said with a deadpan look as he looked at Simon. 

“You can get new ones in the shop. Get going Lightwood.” Simon said impatiently. 

“Yea..sure.” Alec nodded and fucking hoped for the best. 

***

He went back to his unit and waited. 5 minutes..10 minutes.. 15.. He got up at and rushed back to the laundry room. He couldn’t believe it. The phone was still there, untouched. He quickly checked the battery. 13% Has to do. 

He didn’t stop till he got to Magnus and Raphael’s unit. The man was sitting on the couch, looking into the emptiness in front of him. He looked sad and Alec almost forgot why he was there at the first place. 

“Hey..” He said to them and the two men sent him a questioning look. 

“Hi.” The other sighed. He looked broken. Devastated. Alec needed all his strength to keep focusing. 

“I need to ask you something.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Could you meet me in the bathroom in 30 minutes?” 

“Why?” The man looked careless. 

“Just…please.” Alec said with some pleading tone. 

“Alright.” He said with a nod. 

“Thank you.” 

He turned around and headed back to his unit. He had to hurry up. 

“Hey.” He said when he found Lorenzo hanging in the common room. 

“Good evening.” 

“I’m heading to take a shower.” He said as he looked down at the towel in his hand. “Care to join?” He smiled at the older man. 

“Sure. I was planning to wash my hair anyway. They don’t have the best quality of shampoo but I need to make sure my hair is well maintained.” He said and quickly grabbed his stuff before they walked towards the bathroom. 

“Oh, it’s normally busier in here at this time.” Rey said when the door closed behind them. 

_I know. I made sure it wouldn’t be tonight._ Alec thought as he observed his surroundings, positioning himself in the way he planned. 

“Are you not getting undressed?” Rey asked and Alec saw something in his eyes. The start of realisation, probably. 

“I don’t think it will be necessary.” He said with a cold smile tugging on his lips. 

“How so?” The man smiled but Alec heard the shift in his tone and saw his body tensing. 

“I know you killed him.” Alec said as he looked into the man’s eyes. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Cut the bullshit Rey. You used the pills to kill him. I never said how he died, all I said he was poisoned. I never mentioned anything about the pills.” 

“You are smart. I have to admit. I didn’t think you would connect the dots.” He sounded amused. 

“I did. I realised the messages were from you as soon as you mentioned the pills and I also knew it was you who killed him. I just don’t know why? Why did you want us dead?” 

“You don’t know? Maybe I overestimated your intelligence then, it’s rather obvious.” 

Alec didn’t say anything, he waited for the man. 

“Do you know what it feels like to be humiliated? Over and over again?” He growled at Alec. “I wanted you dead from the moment you ran me down to the ground at the phones. When you’ve been relocated into my unit, I knew it will be a piece of cake to get rid off you. I started to send the texts to White. But he was a coward son of a bitch who rather killed himself than have the balls to kill you. Not gonna lie, that caused some headaches. So, I hid the phone in Magnus’ room, hoping you would find it before he does, based on your little break up, you probably did. But I learnt my lesson. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.” 

“Why him?” 

“The boy was stupid, simple and average. Yet he respected him, cared about him. And me? He gave no fuck about me. He rejected me, humiliated me, scorned me. I didn’t deserve it. We were supposed to lead this block together. But he never gave me a chance. I watched him.. every single day. I watched him talking to you, joking.. laughing. I watched him kiss that loser. I watched how he cared about you but not me.. and I got sick of it.” 

Alec couldn’t muster out a single word he just looked at the man in shock. 

“Oh my god.. you are really some dumb kid. Magnus. I’m talking about fucking Magnus. “ 

“What?” 

“He thought he was better than me. Smarter.. How fucking foolish of him. If I can’t have it.. then no one can..” 

“I think you overestimated our relationship. Raphael would have been your best shot” Alec grimaced. 

“Maybe.. maybe I just don’t like to be rejected. You rejected me Alec Lightwood. You humiliated me. Don’t worry.. Santiago is on my list as well.. but first I finish what I started.” The man groaned as he took a step closer to Alec. He slowly walked to the wall, not stopping until his back lined against the cold surface. 

“You are a sick bastard.. stalked Magnus for god knows how long, just because he didn’t become your friend. Killed innocent people just because you are peevish. You are fucking insane..” 

“I am not insane.. I was smart enough to deceive you for weeks, to plan my revenge against Magnus for months.. I was smart enough to kill two inmates unobtrusively..” He gritted through his teeth as he walked towards Alec. 

_Time to finish it._ Alec thought as he reached behind his back, not stopping until he felt the button under his finger and pressed it. 

The alarm went off straightaway, the loud noise startled Rey as he stopped looking at Alec with a wide grin. 

“You traitor.. you are a dead man.” The man laughed at Alec. 

_“Wanna bet?”_ Alec asked with a smile as four guards burst through the doors. 

“He is responsible for the death of two inmates. White and.. and Elias.” Alec said as he looked at Ragnor. 

“What?” Ragnor looked at him as if he couldn’t hear him properly. 

“It’s some fabricated lies.” Rey said rolling his eyes. 

“Is it? Or maybe you did underestimate me.” Alec smiled as he took the phone out of his pocket, pressing the play button before the guards could react. 

_“I am not insane.. I was smart enough to deceive you for weeks, to plan my revenge against Magnus for months.. I was smart enough to kill two inmates unobtrusively..”_

***

“There is one thing I don’t understand..” Magnus said as he looked at Alec. 

“Just one?” 

“I have a whole list.. but there is one thing in particular. You didn’t plan this to take half an hour. You must have knew if you don’t press the button in ten minutes.. things will slip out of your hands. Why did you not ask me to go over after ten or fifteen minutes? I wasn’t a back up in case things go down the hill. Am I right?” 

“Yes.” Alec said avoiding the man’s gaze. 

“Then wh…Oh my god.” Magnus whispered as realisation hit him. “You wanted _me_ to find you in case your plan doesn’t work…why?” His eyes were wide in shock and his voice was hurt. 

“Because.. when they found Elias.. the first thing I heard was the guard calling code 121.. and.. I thought if I die.. I want whoever finds me to feel sad, broken, devastated.. to feel the loss, the pain. I didn’t want someone to find me and think of a code straightaway. Like I’m not a human being.. but a problem. A situation. I am a brother. A son. A friend. Not a code..and neither was he.." He said as he looked into Magnus’ eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in the game  
> x


	14. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domino's is a god send.  
> I shouldn't eat at 1am but oh well..  
> I managed to finish a new chapter. It was pretty much done, just needed some bits and pieces added.  
> Hope you guys will enjoy it  
> Love you all x

The next few weeks were mayhem in the c block.  
No one knew what happened, they only speculated. The guards didn’t say a word for obvious reasons and neither did Alec.

No one, apart from Magnus and Raphael knew the details. Alec spent two hours in Ragnor’s office on that night, he was questioned about all the details. Ragnor wasn’t happy about the situation. Not at all, he promised Alec that it will have consequences, phones were forbidden and the fact he had one for so long wasn’t helping his case. 

Ragnor asked about the phone as well but Alec said he kept it turned off so the battery was still working. He didn’t know if the man believed him or not, but there was no way he would drag Underhill into this mess as well. 

He knew his actions will have consequences. Too bad it affected Magnus as well. Alec wasn’t sure at what stage would Rey confess the double-murder therefore he started to record as soon as they got into the bathroom. He had no chance to tamper with the recording, so Ragnor quickly realised that Magnus had a phone all along as well. Somehow the man seemed more annoyed with that. 

Magnus had to attend in his office right after Alec. He tried to send an apologetic look towards the man as he was escorted back to his unit. 

Both of them ended up getting a ‘shot’. A note in their files that will be taken into consideration if they ask for any kind of privilege. 

It was such a small price to pay, Alec wasn’t sure if it would have been the same if another guard decides. Probably not. 

***

As the days passed Magnus started to get back to his old self. Alec found it a bit strange, he thought it would take longer for the man to get over. He wasn’t romantically involved with the Elias, they weren’t even friends really, but he constantly woke up in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweats as he dreamt about the man, lying dead on the common area. He wondered if Magnus felt better due to the fact that justice was served for the death of the man. It definitely helped Alec, knowing that Rey can’t hurt others. Not in the C block at least. He asked Ragnor about it and he assured him, that no matter what happens on the trial, Rey will not be placed back into their block and at the end, that was all Alec wanted. 

***

He received a letter from his sibling.  
He spent two days staring at the white envelope as if he was expecting it to explode or vanish. He wasn’t sure which scared him more.

He felt coward for not opening it straight away, but as long as it was unopened and unread he could imagine whatever context he wanted. 

“You’ll never find out what’s in it unless you open it.” Alec startled as he heard a voice behind him. 

He turned around to face the man. 

“I don’t know if I want to find out.” Alec said honestly. 

“Why not?” Magnus asked as he walked closer standing opposite to Alec and looked down at the envelope lying on the bedside table. 

“I.. I haven’t spoke to them since..and it’s been months. I never called, I never allowed them to visit, I never even wrote.” He said feeling guiltier and guiltier with each confession. 

“Why not?” He asked again and Alec saw something in his eyes that he couldn’t identify. 

“I don’t know.” It only came out as a whisper. It was weak, broken and scared and a lie. He was terrified. He was terrified that his siblings gave up on him. That they didn’t want him to call them. That they would tell him that they don’t want to visit him. He was terrified that they would never forgive him. 

“You have a family Alexander. Parents, siblings. It isn’t just you who lost them, they lost you too. But what you’re doing now.. is selfish. Closing them out. I know it’s harder for you, but try to imagine how you would feel if Jace or Isabelle would have got into prison and they wouldn’t contact you. You wouldn’t know what they are going through. Every single day you would get up, wondering when your phone will ring, when will a letter arrive and nothing. You got into prison, but you are not dead. You have the chance to reach out for them. Don’t waste your time on feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t want to be dead to them.” Magnus said and raised his hand as if he wants to caress Alec’s face but his hand stopped half way through in the air. Hanging.. waiting. 

Alec sighed as he stepped closer, pressing his cheek into the warm touch. It wasn’t sexual but was so intimate, so gentle and caring. He closed his eyes as he felt the man’s hand gently stroking his face. 

“Think about it, Alexander.” Magnus said and Alec slowly opened his eyes as he felt the loss of touch. Magnus left his room. 

He bit his lip as he looked at the letter again. He will open it later. 

***

“God.. hurry up! I don’t want to miss it.” Raphael said to Alec.

They were sitting at the tables getting their dinner. Alec has wondered why the canteen was so empty, compared to what it normally was. 

“Miss what?” He asked as he took a big bite from his bread. 

“The movie, you dumbass.” He rolled his eyes as he signalled Alec to hurry up. 

“What movie night?” Alec asked with his mouth full. 

“Wait. Did no one tell you about it?” He asked and looked surprised as he realised that Alec had no idea why he was so hyped up. 

“No?” 

“Once in every few months, we have a movie night. There is one tonight in…fuck three minutes.” He jumped up as he realised what time it was. 

“C’mon Lightwood. Chop-chop. You can bring the bloody bread if you want, but we have to head on.” 

He clapped his hands together a few times, which made Alec laugh. He never so the man this excited. _Ever._

He was still smiling when they ran towards the room, where they played the movie. 

“No running!” A guard shouted as they turned in the corner. Alec couldn’t remember his name but decided that he doesn’t even want to get to know him. He just let out a quiet giggle as they entered the room. 

It was already dark; the screen was the only thing giving some light. A guard stood next to the door and gave the them a sharp look as they fall in last minute, before he closed the doors. Santiago went first, heading towards the front row and Alec followed him. He was about to say that there was no place left, when he spotted two empty seats. Raphael was busy with untangling something. 

“What are the earphones for?” He furrowed as he realised what was in the boy’s hand. 

“Everyone who signed up for a movie gets an mp3 with the movie on. So, you listen to it through that but watch it on the screen. Don’t ask me why. I think they want to keep us quiet this way. Plus, movie nights are privileges. Not everyone can join.” He shrugged before realisation hit him. 

“Oh crap. You didn’t know about it so you didn’t sign up.” Alec just sheepishly nodded. 

“Too bad. I don’t share.” The boy was seriously lacking some empathy. 

They looked at the two empty seats. There was one between Magnus and a guy Alec didn’t know, the other one was between Luke and Meliorn. Alec was about to head to the second one, but as he passed Magnus, the man grabbed his arm and pulled him down onto the seat. 

“Were you going somewhere?” The man asked with a mischievous look in his eyes as he smiled at Alec. 

He was beautiful. Alec watched as the light hit his face. The sharp lines of his jaw, his nose, his lips.. he was breathtakingly mesmerizing. 

“No.” Alec whispered as he returned the smile. 

“Look. It’s starting.” Magnus nodded towards the screen and Alec fought to move his head away from the man. 

He watched as the screen changed and the movie started to play, however it was hard to enjoy it in absolute silence. 

A few minutes later he felt a gentle tap on his bare arm. The touch of the warm hand almost made him jump out of his seat. He looked at Magnus who just held out an earphone to him. Alec didn’t move just looked at the man with his mouth slightly parted. 

“I won’t offer again.” The older man whispered as he rolled his eyes. 

Alec let out a small laugh as he shook his head and took it. Their fingers touched as he could feel the heat creeping up on his cheeks. Thank god it was dark, because he knew he blushed for sure. 

The movie made a lot more sense this way. It was some comedy starring Adam Sandler. God, Jace was obsessed with the guy. He swore that Adam Sandler never had a shit film. 

Alec wished he could have keep watching so he could tell to Jace later about his opinion but after twenty minutes into the movie his mind shut down and he couldn’t concentrate anymore. 

Not because it was boring, but because as they sat in the dark Magnus’ hand found his and he carefully intervened their fingers, brushing his wrist with his thumb. 

Alec was on cloud nine. The gently touch sent shivers down his spine and he needed all his strength to keep his gaze on the screen. 

***

“Did you like the movie?” Magnus asked, once they were outside of the room, heading towards their units.

“I did.” Alec said and hoped that the other man had no intentions to ask about it in more details, because he really had no idea what happened in the last hour and a half. 

All he could remember was the silky touch of the other’s man hand. 

“We have ten minutes left until curfew.” Magnus said matter-of-factly. 

Alec nodded in understanding. 

“Care to follow me back to my unit?” The older man asked with a smile. 

“Sure.” Alec said more enthusiastically than he originally wanted. Magnus just laughed as he started to walk. 

Once they got there, Raphael got up from the couch and shoot them a questioning look. Magnus just raised an eyebrow which earned an eyeroll from the boy. 

Alec wasn’t sure if he was intruding with his presence, so he decided to go and wait in Magnus’ room. 

He hardly stepped inside when he felt Magnus catching up with him from behind. He stepped to the side, trying not to block the door way from the man. 

Magnus shut the door as soon as he got there, taking a few steps into the room and Alec, still standing at the door, looked towards him with a confused look. 

“What was that all about?” 

“Discretion?” Magnus said but it sounded more like a question than a statement. 

“For what?” Alec asked and watched as the man walked towards him, making him involuntary step back until his back hit the door. 

His heart was pounding so loudly, he was afraid the whole damn block heard it. 

“I wanted this for so long.” Magnus whispered as he stopped in front of Alec with almost no space between their bodies, looking at Alec in the eyes then his lips. 

He didn’t know who moved first but the next moment their lips met as they kissed each other. It was open-mouthed, urgent, hungry and passionate. 

His hands found Magnus’ body and he pulled him closer by his waist while he felt Magnus' fingers burying in his hair, gently tugging it. 

Alec moaned into the kiss as he felt the other man’ hardness pressing to him. He bit Magnus’ lip earning a husky groan from him before he pulled away. They both panted as they looked into each other’s eyes. Alec saw as Magnus’ eyes were full of want and lust. 

“It’s nine in a minute.” They heard Raphael shouting from outside and this time the growl from Magnus was totally different. 

***

Alec was a wreck, he literally fell into his unit just before the guard showed up. He felt his lips being swollen from the kisses, he knew his hair was a mess and that his face was probably flushed. He was fucking grateful he wasn’t obviously hard anymore. 

Once the guard left, he sighed as he tried to head straight into his room. 

“Where have you been?” Alec turned and looked at Underhill. 

The man was still standing next to his own door and looked at Alec with some odd expression. 

“What?” Alec asked, in his own head he was still in Magnus’ room probably having a mind-blowing sex. 

“You look.. “ The blonde man just waved his hand up and down at Alec. 

“I ran. I was almost late.” 

“And what hold you up?” The man asked and Alec wished he would let it go. 

“I was with Magnus.” He said it because he couldn’t come up with an acceptable bullshit right now. His entire brain capacity was occupied with the older man. 

“Oh.. I see.” Underhill nodded and Alec caught a glimpse of disappointment in his voice. 

“Yea.. erm.. good night.” Alec said as he hesitantly turned towards his door. 

“It’s.. it’s never gonna happen right?” The man asked and Alec turned back to face him again. 

“What?” He furrowed, he had some difficulties concentrating on this conversation. 

“ _Between us_.” Underhill said and Alec suddenly sobered up, leaving his lust drunk state behind. 

“No. Sorry.” He said as he looked into the blonde man’s eyes. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For being honest. And I’m sorry for what happened.. when I gave you the..” 

“It’s fine.” Alec said quickly. That wasn’t the kiss he wanted to think about right in that moment. 

“Good night.” Underhill said as he disappeared behind his door. 

Alec just stood there, thinking how blind people can be. He never realised the other man was interested in him, (sure he kissed him, but that doesn’t mean that he necessary would want more) despite Magnus’ mocking. He wondered if that’s how Magnus felt, finding out that Elias was in love with him and he didn’t even know. 

Not as he thought the blonde man was in love with him, but if Alec would have let anything happen between them, he could have ended up and Alec knew that no matter what, he would never fall in love with the man. 

He didn’t mind random hook ups, however he never slept with one person more than once nor he ever met them after, not intentionally at least. He never wanted to get emotionally attached and he never wanted his partner to see more into the things between them either. 

No wonder he’s never been in a relationship before. 

He shook his head as he walked into his room. 

The letter was still sitting where he left it. Unopened and unread. 

He took a deep breath as he sat down onto his bed and reached a hand out to take the letter. 

It was from his sister. He knew it by just looking at the envelope. He recognised his sister’s odd L. 

He opened it carefully, making sure he doesn’t rip into the letter. 

He took another deep breath as he unfolded it and started to read. 

_Dear big brother_

_I miss you. I miss you so much, that I can’t put it down into words._

_There isn’t a single day when I don’t think about you._

_There isn’t a single moment when someone knocks on the door and I don’t instantly think that it’s you._

_There isn’t a single time when I hear my phone ringing, and I don’t hope it’s a call from you._

_I know it’s hard Alec. I know. But I want you to know that it’s okay. I can wait. Jace can wait. We will be here for you._

_It doesn’t matter if that phone call comes tomorrow or in a year time.. I’ll be waiting every single day._

_I love you_

_Izzy_

Alec closed his eyes, letting the tears roll down on his face as he hugged the letter to his chest.


	15. Raphael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lawless feat. Sydney Wayser – Dear god
> 
> \-----
> 
> Hey guys.  
> There has been a few changes to the story.  
> First of all, as you can see, the story will roughly have 30 chapters. Maybe 31-32.  
> Secondly, the chapters now have been titled. I wanted to think about the right title, before naming them, hence they were numbered until now.  
> And last but not least, in each individual chapter summary I added the song I listened to while I wrote that specific chapter. I personally always love when someone suggests a song for a chapter, so I thought why not.  
> I'll shut up now. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

They were sitting at the hall as the governor talked about the achievements they have accomplished in the past year, in the C block. Apparently, the government was questioning a few things that have been going on and the success of the institute. The shit that has been going on, pretty much.

She went into details about the different self-help groups and classes to show how they try to improve the inmates’ chances for a new life once they are out. She talked about the jobs they were doing to enhance their life circumstances in prison and how they try to teach them consistency with the daily schedules and works. 

Alec was sitting next to Magnus as they listened to the varnishing. 

They have spent all they time together in the last couple of days. Alec loved spending time with him. It didn’t matter if they talked, sat next to each other reading, mocked Raphael or kissed on Magnus’ bed. He loved every single moment he spent with Magnus. They talked about their pasts, briefly. 

Alec told him that he used to work in business, in a few years he would have become the CEO of the company. Magnus talked about his passion, travelling. He told Alec about all the countries and cities he visited and what he loved about them the most. 

Apart from Peru. He was banned from Peru. 

When Alec asked the reason Magnus cryptically asked him. 

“Do you know.. how much tequila, you have to drink to find the idea of getting naked in public, appealing?” 

“No.” Alec said not even understanding the whole point of this question. 

“Well.. I didn’t know either. But apparently around 25.” Magnus said looking away sheepishly with a smile playing on his lips. 

Alec just blinked a few before he started to laugh. Magnus would have been surely happy with a simple giggle, but no. Alec was laughing loudly, stopping after a few seconds just to start it again. 

“What are you thinking about?” Magnus whispered into his ears and Alec was suddenly back to reality. He smiled and licked his lips before answering. 

“You. Naked. In Peru.” He whispered back and saw as Magnus’ whole body tensed as he held his breath back. “I was thinking about you too. Being naked. In my room.” Magnus said with a mischievous look. 

Alec just blushed as he ducked his head. He tried to focus on the speech and did everything to get rid of the picture of Magnus without clothes from his mind. 

They were both asked to speak up along with Raphael. The journalists, who were also invited to show the public how well they were running this ship, wanted to hear some first-hand experience on how these changes affect them. Magnus volunteered to speak up and dragged Alec and Raphael along with him. Alec didn’t have a problem with public speeches since it used to be a huge part of his job, but he wasn’t really happy to have to stand on the podium and speak about the success of the reforms that were introduced in prison since last year. He never liked preaching and he felt like somehow this was all that. Preaching. Because the only reason this prison wasn’t a fucking war zone was down to Magnus and his leadership. Of course, the guards tried their best to keep discipline but without Magnus it would have never happened. 

Magnus seemed slightly on edge and Alec himself wasn’t too calm either. Raphael was asked to go to Ragnor’s office two hours ago and he wasn’t back since. He wasn’t sure what was taking that long, but he assumed it was something serious. 

“I would like to call one of our inmates to the podium. Magnus, come up here please.” The woman said with a smile and clapped her hands together a few times as Magnus made his way up there. All the inmates started clapping and whistling as he stopped in front of the microphone. 

He opened his mouth to start his speech, when the door suddenly busted open and Raphael walked in. 

He seemed a bit uncoordinated and Alec got up from his seat to walk over to him, but Raphael headed straight for the podium. 

Magnus looked at Alec and he saw the confusion on the other’s man face. Raphael reached the stage and almost tripped over as he made his way up on it. Alec’s eyes were wide in shock, but he hurried towards the two of them as he got a bad feeling about the whole thing. 

“I..I’m not sure what’s happening now but-“ Magnus started awkwardly trying to get the attention on himself instead of Raphael. “I’ll tel you what’s happening. I do..right now.” Raphael said and Alec was so surprised that he stopped in his track. 

Santiago was drunk out of his mind. His speech was slurred, his movements were unsure and who looked like he didn’t even know where he was. 

“Raphael..” Magnus gritted through his teeth as he tried to pull the microphone away, but Raphael pushed his hand away and grabbed the microphone. 

“We could..could of course talk about aaaall the amazing things that this place did. Could tell about that all.. but why would wee..when there are more interesting..things to talk about. Like how they treat us. They treat us like dogs. Like dogs im telling y’all. .” The guards ran to him and grabbed him to lead him out but that didn’t stop Raphael from continuing. 

“My sister…my only sister died. And I can’t go to her funeral. I can’t be there on her last journey..because I’m a cold blooded murderer. I am… I killed a man who tried to hurt my sister. I fucking did. Because he was a prick. So, I fucking shot him like a dog. That fucking bastard beat my sister.. her husband fucking abused her. And now she is dead and I can’t be there to say good bye. They fucking won’t let me. They are bastards. All of them are fucking bastards!! You are all fucking dicks!” He shouted as they dragged him along. Alec just stood there like he saw a ghost and Magnus was speechless as well. 

The woman went back and grabbed the microphone. “I am not sure what that was all about but I can assure you, that this didn’t happen before. If you let me just to finish this..” Her efforts were pointless. No one cared about how she tried to explain her way out of this. 

***

Magnus and Alec rushed towards the stairs, not talking to each other until they were far enough from the crowd. 

“What the hell was that?” Alec asked when they finally stopped. 

“Rosa must have passed away, and they denied him from attending his funeral. Jesus fuck.. he is drunk like a donkey.” He said as he buried his face in his hands with a sigh. 

“Fuck.. There is no way they will let him out after all that. How did he even get this drunk?” 

“Meliorn makes some booze. I guess he sneaked into the kitchen after and drank himself to the ground in desperation. 

“I can’t believe Rosa died and they didn’t let him to go to her funeral. Like she was his only family member alive.” 

“No, I can’t believe it either. But considering what he was convicted for.. I’m not that surprised.” Magnus looked sad and disappointed. They stood there in silence both getting lost in their thoughts. 

“What happened exactly?” Alec asked quietly after a few minutes. 

“You mean with Raphael? He.. he found out that his sister’s husband wasn’t the typical husband. He was very possessive over Rosa to the point when he didn’t let her to meet her brother. Like she cancelled their plans regularly even if they planned it weeks ahead. First, he didn’t see anything into it. Then when he visited Rosa she was always injured. Not seriously but noticeably. She always said that she.. fell down the stairs. Tripped over. The usual excuses people who are physically abused come up with and Raphael wasn’t stupid. He found it suspicious and tried to ask her about it, but she always got frustrated and got into denial. So, he waited to see what was going on. One night, she called Raphael. She was crying and Raphael went over to hers straightaway. He found her on the floor. Her arm was broken, her clothes were ripped.. she was beaten up badly…and.. and something in Raphael snapped. He called the ambulance and left. He didn’t stop until he found the man sitting in a bar, casually drinking away as if nothing happened. He shot him. In front of everyone. He got convicted for first-degree murder and got 20 years, but there is a chance he will be let out early for good behaviour. Well, not so sure if that still applies.” 

Magnus said and Alec stared into the empty space in front of them. It was so unfair, that man abused her for god knows how long and now Raphael is in here because he decided to save his sister from a monster. Okay, maybe his choice of method wasn’t the best, but can he really blame him for it? Alec wondered what he would have done if he finds out that someone was hurting Izzy. Someone who was supposed to protect her, love her, cherish her and not make her life a living hell. Probably nothing, knowing Jace, the guy would have been dead by the time Alec gets there. He would help him hide the body though. 

“I can’t even believe what he must be going through now. His sister is gone, and he can’t even attend the funeral.” Alec said sadly. 

“It’s not fair. He isn’t dangerous and they know that. He never even got into a fight in here. Well, he did but he never started it or provoked it. He should have got the chance to say good bye.” Magnus sounded so broken that Alec couldn’t stop himself from stepping closer and hugging the man. 

“Maybe..we can give him that chance. Not the way he wanted, but still.” Alec whispered into the man’s ears as he stroked his back. 

“How?” Magnus looked up at him with tears in his eyes. 

“Do you think they will put him in the hole for his outrage?” 

“No. I’m sure Ragnor spared him.” Magnus said with confidence as he shook his head. 

“Okay. Go and find him. Bring him back to your unit in thirty minutes. Make sure he sobers up by then.” Alec said as a plan formed in his head. 

“I will.” Magnus said and Alec saw as he opened his mouth to add something else. 

“I know. He is important to me too. He is my friend too.” Alec said before Magnus could have thank him for it and sent him a sad smile as he walked away. 

***

Half an hour later he was standing in Magnus and Raphael’s unit. He cleared the table and placed a picture on it. He had to ask Ragnor’s help with it, but the man helped without any hesitation.

The picture was slightly blurry. It was from a video recording. Alec asked if Ragnor could dig out the records from the last visiting time when Rosa and Raphael met for the last time. 

On the photo Raphael hugged Rosa, she was facing towards the camera with her eyes closed, smiling. 

He also got a few candles from Catarina. Not real ones, but those plastic ones that worked with batteries. It was apparently from last year’s Halloween when the inmates were allowed to carve pumpkins and then place it in their units. Ragnor and Catarina went above and beyond to help him with his plan and Alec was eternally grateful for them. 

He ran out to the garden and got a single rose. It was white. Alec knew what Rosa meant for Raphael. She was an angel for him, and he couldn’t imagine anything that could symbolise that more than a white rose. 

He placed it in front of the picture and placed the four candles around it. Ragnor and Catarina was standing at the side watching as he prepared everything for the funeral. 

“Hey.” Alec snapped his head towards the voice and saw Simon rushing towards them. 

“I know the rules.. and I always follow them. But I thought.. maybe this one occasion we could..” He trailed off and pulled out a single tea light candle from his pocket along with a lighter. The boy hesitantly looked towards Ragnor and Catarina and the two nodded in union. 

He lit up the candle and placed it in front of the picture and flower and stepped to the side, joining his fellow guards. 

Alec saw as Magnus, Raphael and Luke walked towards the unit and Catarina stepped to the side to turn the lights off inside the unit with her key. 

It was half dark in the common area now. 

Raphael stopped as he reached the door and looked at the table with his eyes wide open, his mouth gaping. 

Magnus just put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and gently squeezed it as he nodded at him encouragingly. 

“I know it’s not like..being there for her. But you can say…good bye to her.” Alec said as he looked at Raphael. 

Raphael didn’t reply but walked to the table and ran the tip of his finger over the photo. Alec saw the tears in his eye. 

Everyone was standing in silence while Raphael stared at the memorial. When he started to speak his voice were full of sadness, pain and exasperation. It was shaky and it made Alec heart break instantly. 

“My little sister.. I wish I could have protect you. I wish I could have been there for you each day. You have to know that you were my world, my everything. You still are. There will be no day passing without me thinking about you. Your beautiful smile, your hearty laugh, your angelic voice. No matter what happens.. you will always, always be in my heart. If you are watching me now from heaven.. I hope you know that it isn’t a good bye. We will meet again one day. But until then, remember how much I love you.” Raphael slowly lifted up the candle with a shaky hand and closed his eyes. 

“Until we meet again _my love._ ” He whispered before blowing out the candle.


	16. The youngest Lightwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsecret - Wake up world

Alec was absolutely confused as of why a guard would come into his unit at the middle of the night, letting him know that he is relocated into a different unit with immediate effect.  
He saw the guard before, Starkweather. He never talked to him, he was usually on night duty.

“Why…why would they put me into a different unit?” Alec asked as he tried to keep up with the man half a sleep. He on and off tripped in his own foot as his brain was still clouded with sleepiness. 

“I don’t know if you realised but your inmates are literally dying out like animals since you got into that unit. I was told to move you before your whole unit becomes extinct.” The man was arrogant and sniffy as he kept dragging Alec along. 

Alec didn’t think those deaths were down to him, he was partially guilty for the first one, but definitely had nothing to do with Elias. He had some rough start with the man, but that has changed since. He actually started to like the man, also it’s been weeks since anything happened. 

When they got to his unit Alec stopped dead in his track, refusing to take another step towards it. 

“Move. I don’t have the whole night to deal with you.” The man said frustrated. 

“I can’t… I won’t.. I mean. They took me out from there for a reason and now you’re putting me back?” 

“I do what I was told to do. And I was told to do to bring you here. End of story.” The man said as he opened the main cell door with his key. 

“I was removed this from this unit for my own safety.” Alec gritted trough his teeth, the sleepiness was gone and replaced with rage. 

“Either this or protection. Your call.” The man said with a sigh and Alec knew he can’t choose the latter. He was screwed. Damn, he was fucked. 

He grabbed his stuff and walked in, turning around the man from the other side of the door. 

“Good choice.” The man said with a smirk which made Alec stomach drop. 

There was something terribly odd about the whole thing, like it was planned out. 

“Well, hello. Good to get you back Lightwood.” 

Jonathan’s voice was filled with amusement as he got up from the couch, walking towards Alec. He watched as the other man literally emerged from the shadows. He didn’t even know the man was there until now. 

It was definitely planned, he had no doubt anymore that he has been set up. 

“Jonathan.” He said as he quickly observed his surroundings in case it comes to the point when he has to defend himself against the other man. 

“Come on. Don’t stand there like a lost boy. I’m sure we can discuss or past issues. It’s better to live together in piece rather than trying to kill each other in every minute, now is that, not right?” The smile was evil on his face and Alec felt trapped and vulnerable. 

“Isn’t that a bit ironic coming from you?” Alec asked as he couldn’t stop himself from doing so. He literally became Jace since he got in here, his mouth acted before his brain. 

“Maybe. If you think about the messages, they weren’t directly from me.” He said and looked genuine, but Alec knew him better by now. He was sure that Rey sending those messages was only a piece of a bigger picture. A picture with him in the middle. Dead. 

“Bullshit.” 

“If you really want to know.. Lorenzo Rey always had the tendency to.. pull towards the winning side. He always knew where to stand to protect his own worthless life. Therefor it wasn’t hard to convince him to work with me. I’m sure he bragged about it to you while he dug his own grave, but trust me when I say... I just planted it in his mind, and he made it come to life.” 

He never thought much of the old man, but now in Alec’s eyes he wasn’t any better man than Jonathan or any of the ones from the circle. 

“Now. There are two options for you Lightwood.” Jonathan said calmly as he walked back to the couch and turned the lamp on. It was still dark overall, but the small light gave enough away to see the man clearly. 

“One. You work with me as I say. No more bullshit. No more loopholes. No more back stabbing. No more Magnus and his little friends.” He spat the word friends as if the word itself was pathetic. 

“Or?” Alec asked with a raised eyebrow, option one didn’t seem too appealing to him for numerous reasons. Starting of with his feelings towards the older man. 

“Or the Lightwood family can say good bye to their son.” Jonathan said slowly as his voice become threatening. 

Alec almost let a laugh out. 

“Oh c’mon. Isn’t it boring to yet? All these…threats..over and over again. And if my memory isn’t betraying me, the last time you threatened me you ended up in the hole. So, I’m not afraid of you therefore you can stop with all this” He said, showing that the words were not affecting him anymore and also reminding Jonathan that the last time it backfired. 

“Oh Lightwood…who talked about you? I was talking about the youngest Lightwood.. _Max. _” The man said with a grin that made Alec’s heart sink so low that he wondered if it was still in his chest.__

__“No..” He breathed out, his brain flooding with worries._ _

__“Yess…I found out that he was attending college over in Washington.”_ _

__“No.. you’re bluffing.” He said with confidence. It had to be a bluff. There was no way Jonathan found out about Max. He never talked about him to anyone. He never even said that he had a third sibling._ _

__“Do I? Do I not? Do you really want to risk it?” Jonathan asked and clearly enjoyed the effect of his words._ _

__Alec was seeing red. The man had some disgusting and terrible ploys but this…this was something else._ _

__Alec didn’t care if he was threatened to be beaten or even killed. He didn’t care what would happen to him, but his family was off limits. He would never ever allow anyone to hurt them, even if it was only an empty threat. He would die for any of his siblings without a blink._ _

__“Okay.” He said finally and he felt defeated as he agreed to Jonathan’s conditions._ _

__“Okay as?.. you will join me or I can start sending invitations for your brother’s funeral?” Alec had to stop himself from growling at the other man._ _

__“I’m in. No tricks, no more Magnus.”_ _

__“I knew we will be able to agree, one way or another.” The man smiled in response before he disappeared behind his door._ _

__

__***_ _

__  
_ _

Alec was up all night. He was scared shitless. 

He didn’t know if Jonathan was really a threat to his brother or not, but the fact he knew about his existence at the first place and his current location left him with little to no doubt. 

He was worried and felt absolutely helpless. He will have to call his sister as soon as possible to warn her. Maybe they can take Max out of college for a while, or even get him to move back home and finish school somewhere in New York. 

His brain was going on full speed as he tried to find out something to protect his brother from in there. If Jonathan’s hand could reach that far, surely his can too. 

***

The next morning ten minutes after the counting Magnus, Raphael and Luke marched into their units. They looked nervous and frustrated. They must have heard about his late night migration. 

“What the fuck?” Santiago asked looking at Alec for an answer. 

“Good morning gentlemen.” Jonathan walked out, half naked with a towel threw around his neck. 

He walked to Alec and put his arm around his neck in a bro style as he grinned at the three men. 

“Alec finally opened his eyes. I always knew he was a smart man, knowing which side to take at the end. Is that night right Lightwood?” He pulled Alec closer. 

“Yes.. it’s right.” He said trying to not look at Magnus as he said those words. He knew that in a few hours he will be able to explain everything, and Magnus probably got to the same conclusion as he left without a word. 

“I’m warning you. I couldn’t get you to be reassigned to another work place, trust me I tried, but if I find out.. that your alliance with them is still ongoing. Your brother will be dead before you could even reach the phones.” They looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. 

“Nothing to worry about. Message received clear and loud.” 

“Perfect.” Jonathan smiled again as he slowly headed outside, presumably towards the showers. 

***

“Are you alright?” Magnus asked him as soon as he put his feet into the laundry room. They all looked worried and on edge. Alec just nodded towards the lift with his head. 

He needed to speak to him privately. He trusted Raphael and Luke, but this was something that had to keep between the two of them. 

“Cover us for an hour or so, will you?” Magnus looked at the two men and they nodded without any hesitation. He also got the men who would have been working down there to do a different job up here, so they could be alone. 

They got into the lift, not talking to at all until the lift doors closed behind them once they reached the ground level. That’s where they kept the dirty laundry. 

“Jonathan threatened to kill my little brother if I don’t play onto his hand.” He said so quietly he wasn’t sure if the other man even heard his words. 

“No offence Alexander, but I doubt Jace would be that-“ 

“No, not Jace. My other brother. Max.” He said and finally looked into Magnus’ eyes. 

He didn’t know what he saw exactly, there was surprise, confusion and maybe a bit of a sadness in the other man’s look. 

“You have three siblings.” Magnus said once he put the pieces together. 

“I do.” 

“Why did you never.. why did you never talk about him?” Magnus asked and Alec could sense some pity in the way Magnus talked to him. 

“Because he doesn’t know about.. this. He doesn’t know I’m in prison. He thinks I was sent to Europe for work.” Alec licked his lips as he confessed. It was a mutual decision between him and his mum. He didn’t want his brother to know about it. He didn’t want his little brother to see Alec like this. 

“Oh Alexander..” Magnus sighed as he stepped closer to him and gently cupped his face between his hands. 

“I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose him. He can’t die because of me. I can’t let that happen.” His voice was shaky as he felt the tears in his eyes. 

“Sshh. If we have to.. end this, to protect your family…that’s fine. I know what your family means to you. We will always have a few hours together every day. We can manage to stay away from each other for the rest of the day. We will have to.” Magnus said, not letting Alec to look away from him. 

“Yea?” Alec asked unsure whether the man really means that or not. 

“I promise to you, I will do everything I can to make sure your brother stays safe. It will be hard yes, but I would never forgive myself if something would happen to any of your siblings or for you, just because I was selfish.” Magnus said and Alec knew that he meant it. He meant every word and he couldn’t know what to say so he pressed his lips to the man’s. 

“Just let me… for once..” Magnus whispered as their lips parted just enough so ha can talk. Alec didn’t answer him, but leaned back to kiss the man again. 

This kiss was different from the previous ones. It was gentle, it was slow, full of trust, hope and affection. It tasted like home. 

They moved backwards, not breaking the kiss, until they reached a table. They used that to separate the clothes from the underwear. 

He felt Magnus’ hand moving under his t-shirt, he felt the warm touch on his skin as Magnus’ moved his hand along Alec’s spine, up and down making him shiver under the gentle touch. 

He cupped Magnus’ face between his hands as he deepened the kiss further, their tongues dancing slowly as they breathed in each other. 

He moved his hands, dragging it along Manus’ neck, slowly moving it down onto his chest, not stopping until he could grab his waist, pulling him even closer, letting their bodies to press together. 

The kiss became more passionate, he gently bit Magnus’ lower lip just to sooth it with his tongue after, earning an inpatient moan from the older man. 

“Wait..wait..” Magnus pulled away, trying to catch his breath. 

“What?” Alec licked his lip, he didn’t know why they stopped. 

“I.. I want.. let me… let me” Manus trailed off as he grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it off over his head. He stared at Alec’s tattoos as he gently touched them with his fingertip, tracing the black lines. 

He lowered himself until he was kneeling in front of Alec. Alec just looked at him with his lips parted. 

“Magnus..” 

“Ssh..” Magnus said as he gently pulled down Alec’s trousers along with his underwear. 

Alec tilted his head back with a sigh as the cold air hit his already hard member. 

This wasn’t about teasing, it wasn’t about want. It was about pleasure. Maybe that’s why Magnus didn’t play with him, didn’t try to drive him crazy. He felt the man’s fingers wrapping around him as he gently kissed the head of his cock. Alec was desperately looking for something to grab, his hands were shaking but he finally managed to get hold off the side of the table, grabbing it so hard his knuckles whitened. 

He looked down to Magnus in the exact moment when the man decided to tentatively lick his dick from base to top with the tip of his tongue. Alec let out a soft moan as he felt Magnus’ breath hoover over the wet skin. 

“Look at me.. Look at me Alexander.” He only whispered but Alec’s attention was on the man straightaway. 

He looked into Magnus’ eyes as he watched the other man swallow him inch by inch, slowly engulfing him in the tight wet heat. Alec had to bite his lips, he didn’t want to move but it was impossibly hard when all he wanted to do was to trust forward to feel more of that heat. 

He waited until Magnus fully swallowed him then he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding back. 

Looking at the man kneeling in front of him, swallowing his dick to the back of his throat, with his eyes sparkling with affection was unbearable. Magnus closed his eyes and started to bob his head, moving back to the point where Alec’s dick almost slipped out of his mouth, but then he went back again, taking him in fully. Alec couldn’t stop those moans from coming out as he tilted his head back, enjoying the pleasure he was given. 

His breathing became more erratic and his knees were shaking. He could feel the heat building up in his stomach when Magnus suddenly let go off him. 

He looked down straightaway, eyes half lidded, pupils blown with lust. 

“I want to feel you.” Magnus’ voice was hoarse as he got up and took his t-shirt off. They moved so now Magnus’ was standing trapped between the table and Alec. 

Alec stepped to the other man and crushed their lips together. His hands buried in Magnus’ hair as Magnus wrapped his arm around the back of Alec’s neck, pulling him down even more. Magnus pulled away for a second to sit up on the table and pulled Alec between his legs and dived back in to the kiss. Alec moved his hand to grab the waist of Magnus’ trousers to help him get rid off them. He touched Magnus everywhere where he could, he wanted to feel the perfect silky skin under his touch. He wanted to memorise every inch of his body. He gently took Magnus’ dick into his hand and started slowly stroking it, making Magnus moan in pleasure. 

They were both achingly hard as they tried to devour each other. 

Alec pulled away and raised a finger to Magnus lips. He pressed it gently to his lips and Magnus opened them eagerly, to take the offered finger. It was so hot as he licked his finger before gently kissing it just to let it slip into his mouth. Alec closed his eyes as he remembered the heat surrounding him down there earlier. 

A few seconds later he pulled it out and moved in between Magnus’ legs, pushing the man down onto his back gently. He moved his finger between the two perfect halfmoons and started to caress the sensitive skin around his hole with his wet finger. 

“Stop teasing..” Magnus gritted through his teeth and Alec did as he was told. 

He gently pushed his finger in, getting deeper and deeper until he was all the way in. He prepared Magnus carefully, adding another finger once he was loose enough. He patiently opened him up, earning louder and louder moans from the older man. 

“I’m ready.. I want to feel you inside me.” His voice was urging as he looked into Alec’s eyes. 

Alec didn’t hesitate, all he wanted was to get inside the man. He pulled his fingers out, making Magnus sigh from the loss of fullness. He pulled the man closer to the edge, almost sliding him off from the table in hurry as he lined himself up against his ass. 

He stroked his cock a few times before pushing it in. 

It was driving him crazy. All he wanted was getting all the way in, into the tight heat but he had to go slow. There was no lube to help them and he didn’t want to hurt the man. 

He slowly pushed in further, listening to every breath leaving Magnus, ready to back out at any moment. 

The man showed no sign of discomfort, he watched the other man’s cock twitching once he bottomed out. They sighed at the same time, getting lost in the pleasure of being connected in the most intimate way. 

“Move.. Alexander..please.” Magnus’ voice was desperate as he growled with his eyes closed. 

Alec gently pulled out slightly, just to thrust back in. He leaned on the top of the man, kissing his face, his jaws, his neck, his shoulders as he slowly rocked his hips. They both moaned as they were getting closer to the pleasure. Alec moved his hand between their bodies to stroke Magnus’ cock in rhythm with his thrusts. Magnus was painting loudly, choking on air as his body tensed before he came from Alec fucking him and jerking him off. 

“ _Alexander…_ ” The man gasped as he rode the last waves of pleasure. 

Alec could feel the tension building up but every time he was about to fall over the edge the tension disappeared. He growled, desperately wanting to come, but not able to let it go. He felt Magnus moving under him, gently touching his hand. Alec stopped and stayed still for a few second, he pressed his eyes shut so tightly it almost hurt. He let out a shaky breath as he pulled out of the man. 

“I.I’m sorry.. I can’t.” He said as he felt tears escaping through his lashes, rolling down his face. He can’t let it go. He can’t. Not when his brother’s life is in danger. No matter how much he wanted to find pleasure, he couldn’t. 

***

“I go first and then you guys can come a few mins after me. I don’t want Jonathan to see us leaving at the same time.” Alec said as it was 1pm, the end of their shift. 

“Okay. Alexander..promise me you will be safe.” Magnus said desperately as he looked up at Alec. 

He had no chance to answer because Magnus hugged him quickly. 

“No hugging.” 

Alec snapped his head towards the voice and could feel his blood freezing as he spotted Stalkweather. He knew he was in deep shit. 

***

He went straight to his unit; the fear was choking him. He was feeling so powerless as he rushed. He didn’t know what to do, whether he should ask Ragnor for permission to use the phone, out of calling hours. But then he would have to explain the reason and he couldn’t do that. 

When he got into his unit, he stopped dead in his track. His heart was about to jump out as he looked at the paper attached to his door. 

He walked over with his legs shaking with each step. He grabbed the photo and pulled it off with one quick move. 

On the photo was Max, posing with a guy, both smiling in the camera. Red letters were written on the photo making Alec’s heart to leave out a beat or two. 

**LAST WARNING**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first time I ever tried smut. Don't go hard on me. I never actually talked about sex in this much detail. Not in English I mean. So.. sorry if that's a bit of a buzzkill. Tried my best here. That's all I can do, right? :)  
> xx


	17. The good, the bad and the ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can be a sweetheart sometimes.

Alec was in the library again. In the past few weeks he spent every moment in the library.  
It was the perfect place for numerous reasons.

First, he never saw Jonathan going to the library, or any of the circle members, which was already a good enough reason to him to spend there as much time as possible. 

He found out that for some reason they were banned from accessing the library. Alec couldn’t imagine why someone would not be allowed to read but he didn’t care. 

He was eternally grateful for this little miracle. 

The other reason… Magnus. In this way, away from everyone and everything, they could be together. Not together, together but in one room without having to worry about Jonathan or anything. 

They had their usual routine. 

They both sat at each side of a bookshelf. Their backs leaning against the wall as they talked. They would remove a few books so they can see each other, but if anyone spots them sitting there, they would only assume they were both there to read. 

They both held a book in their hands, Alec starting. 

It was a new game between them. They had to pick a random book. Open it anywhere they want, read a sentence and ask something with a word that was in the sentence. 

“Hmm..” Alec hummed as he read the first thing his eyes caught. 

“What?” Magnus asked as he tried to peak over to see what page Alec was on. Not as if he could tell which sentence Alec picked. 

“That’s it. The first thing I spotted was the question ‘what?’. So, tell me.. what were you like? Before prison. What would you normally wear?” He asked as he smiled at Magnus. 

“Well, I love fashion. I love to wear fancy suits, tight trousers.” He wiggled his eyebrows, earning a laugh from Alec. 

“Make up?” 

“You.. have no idea. The hardest part of getting in here was to accept the fact that I won’t be able to wear make up. Well, I was lucky to get some eyeliner, but I can only use it under supervision, and I can’t keep the pencil as it can be used as a weapon. My rings, necklaces.” Magnus sighed with a mocked heartbreak. 

He doubted that it was really the hardest part of it all, but he didn’t voice his doubt. Instead, he looked down at his hands and could see the ring hugging the man’s long fingers, the neatly manicured black nails. He swallowed hard as he blinked a few before continuing. 

“Make up? Like.. full on?” Alec asked as he tried to imagine Magnus’ with lipstick, false eyelashes.. bronzer and what not. 

“No, not exactly. It was more.. eyeshadows, eyeliner and glitter. Every colour you can imagine.” Magnus was glowing as he talked about it and it made Alec feel some sort of warmth in his heart. 

“I love colours, patterns..silk. I miss my wardrobe so much.” Magnus pouted and Alec shook his head as he laughed at the older man. 

“You are something else Magnus.” He said with a smile as their eyes met. 

“Tell me Alexander, what are you like?” 

“Erm.. compared to you? Boring. Average.” Alec said as he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. He was nothing special, but somehow, he felt that no one could compare to the man anyway. He never saw him in his old glory but was sure no one could top that. 

“You are everything, but. So, tell me. Please.” 

“Well. I like black. Most of my clothes are black. Or navy, or very dark green. I like jeans.. t-shirts. I have a favourite leather jacket and a pair of boots.” He licked his lips as he talked, feeling slightly pathetic. He doesn’t wear anything…fancy. 

“I guess seeing you in light coloured clothes is something not everyone can tell.” Magnus said teasingly. 

“I think people would kill to be in your place.” Alec said jokingly, but quickly realised the double meaning. “I.. I mean. That came out wrong. What I mean is, that I never wear anything light coloured. Not even a white shirt. If I have to wear a shirt it’s either denim or black or whatever dark coloured one Izzy forces on me.” He shrugged. 

“You are not a glitter boy, then?” Magnus asked with a half-smile that made Alec’s stomach jumping up into his chest, pushing his lungs out. 

“No.” It only left his mouth as a whisper. 

“I’m sure you are extremely gorgeous in your.. leather jacket and boots. I’m not surprised you are the one topping.” Magnus winked with a mischievous as he looked down onto his book to look for a new question. Thank _fuck._ He couldn’t see Alec’s face going as red as it was humanly possible. 

***

It was a different day. They sat at their usual spot. “What’s your favourite ice-cream flavour?” Magnus asked as they both held a book in their hands. It was a new game between them. They had to pick a random book. Open the book anywhere they want, read a sentence and ask something with a word that was in the sentence. 

“I like most of them. I love chocolate with lemon. But chocolate goes on the bottom.” He added quickly. 

“Care to share with me the significance of the order?” He peeked at the man and Alec could see as he clearly tried to hide his smile. 

“I thought it was obvious.” Alec looked at him with a frown. “If you eat the chocolate first, it will be sweet of course, but after that the lemon will be too sour, even a bit bitter. But if you let yourself enjoy the sourness of it first, the chocolate will be even sweeter.” 

“Are you saying that, for someone to be able to enjoy the good times.. they have to go through something to be able to appreciate the moment?” 

“No. I say that there is something good in every bad and something bad in every good.” Alec rephrased it as he looked in front of him. 

“You just have to accept them, because they can’t exist without each other. Plus, how could you tell that you are truly happy if you never experienced unhappiness?” He finally looked at the older man, but Magnus was looking down at his hands. Alec nervously bit his lips. Maybe it was a bit too much. He didn’t mean to.. well he didn’t know what made the man’s mood to change but he definitely didn’t aim for it to happen. 

“I..-“ 

“Did I ever tell you about Camille?” Magnus asked, moving his head slightly towards Alec, but still didn’t look at him. 

“No.” 

“Have you ever lost all respect for someone? Like you don’t hate them because you don’t feel the need to associate yourself or say anything to them anymore?” It must have been a rhetorical question because Magnus didn’t wait for an answer before he continued. 

“I was 21 when I met her. She was.. she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Tall, skinny, perfect porcelain skin, long black hair, lips red like cherry. She was a modern version of snow white. The only difference, that in our fairy-tale she was the evil queen. A real heartless, manipulative bitch who had no respect for anyone else but herself. I thought she loved me, but she only loved herself. 

I honestly don’t think she is capable of love. 

I, on the other hand, fall madly in love with her. I’m afraid the word madly is used for both to emphasize the greatness of it and also how unhealthy it was.” Magnus shoot a sad smile towards Alec. 

“When we first met, I was going through some dark times. I was very lonely, depressed but she was there for me every day. She told me how worthy I am, when I didn’t find anything good in myself. She told me how perfect I am, when I thought about myself as a failure. She told me that it will be okay, when I felt no escape from the darkness I let myself to sink into. And I believed it. I wanted to believe every word she said, hoping that she would be right. I got better, with her by my side I felt alive, happy again. I finally decided to persuade in a career as I always wanted. But building up yourself from the ground comes with rejection after rejection. Each time when I went home to our apartment with my head down for being turned down again, she comforted me, she said that I was brilliant in what I was doing and whoever doubted that for even a second was an idiot, an incompetent loser in the industry. 

She never looked at me with pity, she always believed me, trusted me. She had faith in me, she always said. 

Slowly but surely, things started to get better. I got a good job and I was finally acknowledged and my work talent was recognised by people. 

I was happy. I was proud. I had my dream job, my dream girlfriend, my amazing friends and our loving home. I felt like I was on the top of the world.. 

But you know how they say, the higher you climb the bigger you fall. 

My image of my perfect life slowly started crumble. 

I was always busy with work. The encouraging and supportive girlfriend became a different person. She always complained about everything. Nothing was good, no matter what I did and the whole time she was blaming me for everything. She said my job was more important to me than her and that without her I wouldn’t be where I am today.” He sighed and Alec could see his body tensing, his hands clenching into a fist. 

Alec just stared at Magnus with his mouth open. He didn’t dare to breath, afraid that any reaction would distract Magnus. He really wanted to hear the rest and not just because of his curiosity but because he felt like Magnus _wanted_ to tell this to him. 

“At first I thought she was completely right. Because she supported me the whole time and now that I have what I always dreamt of I almost put my career in front of her. 

I promised I will spend more time with her, and I did. But no matter how hard I tried, I didn’t enjoy our time together anymore. Anything we did wasn’t good enough. 

We went to a restaurant, but it wasn’t meeting her expectations. We went to the park, she hated it because her flawless skin would tan. No matter where we went, what we did there was always something she didn’t like. 

After a while I started to feel like that the only thing, she actually hated was _me._ It broke my heart. I loved her so deeply I didn’t want to accept even the idea of losing her. So, I went above and beyond to please her. I brought her to the fanciest, most expensive restaurants, I bought an apartment at Upper-East side. 

I bought her everything she desired. Clothes, jewellery, make up, perfume.. you name it, she got it. And she was extremely happy. We attended every single party together. Magnus and Camille. The perfect couple. Young, beautiful and rich. Everyone envied us. I was happy again. 

_What a fool I was._

I thought giving everything to her, doing everything she wanted, becoming the partner she wanted me to be will be enough to make her happy. To get back where we were at the start. 

But I was wrong. 

One time I had to fly out for a business trip. It was supposed to take five days, but I went home after the third day. I didn’t spend any time without her since we started dating. We’ve been together for three years by then and I haven’t spent a single night without her, so being away from her was unbearable. Therefore, I went home. Wanting to surprise her, so I didn’t tell her about it. 

I found her in our house, in our room, in our bed.. with an other man.” Magnus said with a smile and Alec had no fucking idea what was making Magnus smile about this story. The woman was heartless. She used Magnus. She manipulated him. She broke him. She broke his trust, his heart.. 

“It’s been over seven years ago, but since.. I couldn’t.. I didn’t.. I closed myself off to people. I built up walls around my heart and swore that I would never love again. But you..” He said as he looked at Alec and Alec felt his mouth going dry, his heart beating like crazy. 

“I like you Alexander. I enjoy spending my time with you and.. I would like to get to know you. Really. I have skeletons in my closet. I just dug out one of the biggest one for you. I’m not asking you to do the same, but I want you to know, if you ever decide to do so, I will be here. It won’t change anything. I want to know everything about you. The good, the bad and the ugly.” He said with a smile and Alec reached out for Magnus’ hand. Magnus took it and intertwined their fingers. 

“ _The good, the bad and the ugly._ ” Alec said


	18. Lemon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in such a long time.  
> I was beyond exhausted.  
> Hope you still love me tho 🤷♀️💕

“My parents are divorced. My dad had an affair with his secretary. It’s been going on for months before my mum decided to leave him. She wanted to stay strong for me and my siblings. I guess she would have rather be unhappy than see us suffer because of our family breaking apart.

To be honest me and my dad.. we never really had an issue. I mean.. he wasn’t a bad person or a bad father. Obviously I am angry at him for betraying my mother like that and for being disloyal and dishonest with his wife but.. I guess it’s better than if they would have stay in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of us. 

I was 21 when that happened, just out of university with a still hot and steaming degree in my hand. I thought about not persuading a career in business, I was supposed to join my parent’s firm but I wasn’t sure what would really happen you know.. after all that. 

Turned out my dad wanted to open another business in Washington, and he would work there, so this particular business would remain in my mother’s hand and eventually would get to be mine. 

I was technically acting as the head of the business since my mum had a hard-enough time to focus on work. Not because the divorce or what my dad did, but because it was her life the whole time, we were kids and she wanted to make up for that time. The divorce probably made her realise that leading a successful company wasn’t everything. 

Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t one of those parents who would solely concentrate on their career, neglecting their child as like not going to their graduation or soccer match or whatever. She always had time for us, but she was always very busy, very occupied with work and she was often stressed out. 

My parents were very enthusiastic about business and everything so for me it was obvious I would take part in it. My siblings do as well, we were always happy to step into our parents’ footsteps. My mum always said I was born to be a leader. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn’t. I don’t know. 

But to answer your question, yes, it did influence my choice, but I wasn’t pushed or forced into it. It was a dream my parents had and since I was genuinely interested in it, I was more than happy to fulfil their wishes. 

I was supposed to become the CEO of the company at the end of the next year or so. We were supposed to have a New Year’s Eve party for the company when my would announce her leaving the firm and handing it to me.. but that was before.. before this.” 

Alec lamely moved his hand around gesturing to the whole place in general. 

Yes, he was supposed to be the CEO of the company, but that was before he got into prison. He knew that after his release, he will have no chance to become a CEO at their company, or at any company for that matter. _Fuck.._ he will be lucky if someone will willingly hire him. 

Magnus didn’t interrupt him while he was talking. They were sitting in the library again and he got a question from Magnus whether his parents have had an influence on his career choice. It was quite a specific question and Alec wondered if there was some hidden reason behind it, but he didn’t ask, just answered honestly. 

“They must be very proud of you Alexander.” Magnus said with a warm smile. 

“Yeah.. totally proud, who wouldn’t want their son to get into prison and fucking up his life completely?” He snorted out. 

“I didn’t mean that. But you are so.. smart, dedicated, hardworking, loyal and kind hearted. You would have been the perfect leader for the company and I’m sure your mother knows that otherwise she would have pick Jace or Isabell instead of you. If I remember well, you don’t have much age difference between the three of you, so it’s not like you had no competitors.” He smiled fondly. 

“Well…it doesn’t matter anymore.” Alec said and wanted to finish this whole conversation with the older man. He didn’t think he would feel suddenly so depressed if he talks about his shattered future. 

“Why wouldn’t it?” Magnus asked as he tilted his head to have a better look at Alec. 

“Well, obviously I will never become the head of the firm. I don’t even know if anyone would give me a job. So, there is no point of talking about what could have happened.” He said and had to take a deep breath as he realised, he was involuntarily raising his voice. 

“Look, you had plans and dreams for the future. You wanted to make your parents proud by taking over the company, becoming a part of an organisation that you felt close to your heart... and now you feel like these... aspirations were taken from you, that they were ripped out of your hands and thrown so far away, that you will never have the chance to reach them again. Maybe you will never do, maybe you will never become the person you wanted to be since you were a kid, but things change.. people change.. maybe you were not supposed to become the CEO of your parents’ firm, maybe you were supposed to do something else. Changes can be good and bad.. but one thing is sure, they are constant, you can’t avoid it, you can’t prevent it. All you have to do is accept it and try your absolute best to bring the most out of it.” 

Alec looked at the older man as he spoke. He looked so honest, so understanding.. Alec remembered when they said they both want to know everything about the other, no matter what. He nervously liked his dry lips before answering. 

“I feel like.. I had this crystal clear image in my head since I was a kid. That I always knew what I wanted and what I need to do to get there. I had my parents’ support.. I went to the best schools, i worked hard every day to make sure whatever I did was perfect. I saw myself in 10 years’ time, as a successful business man, maybe married to the love of my life.. and now.. I can’t see anything Magnus.” He said as he looked at the other man with tears in his eyes. “I..i.. don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years, there is nothing I can hold onto right now, I don’t know if I will ever leave this behind or if I will be forced to carry this burden with me for the rest of my life.. if I will end up living in my loft alone, without a decent job, without any dream.. or hope.. all alone.” His voice was shaking as he occasionally swallowed back a sob. He didn’t want to cry but truth to be said, this was never part of his image when it came to his future. 

Magnus got up from his spot and walked to Alec, not stopping until he was standing in front of him. He raised his hands and cupped Alec’s face between the warmth of his palms. He slightly lifted Alec’s head, forcing him to look into his eyes. 

“What if I were told you that.. you will always have me? As an acquaintance.. or as a friend.. or whatever you want me to be for you.. you should leave this behind once you are walking on the streets of New York as a free man.. but you don’t have to leave everything behind.. you can hold onto me..“ Magnus whispered and Alec looked into his eyes. They were beautiful.. with the hint of gold. 

“Thank you.” It only left Alec’s lips as a sigh but he meant it. He didn’t know what would happen in ten years, or in a week, he didn’t even know what will be in a few hours, but he realised that as long as Magnus was there for him.. it might just be okay. 

***

“Where were you?” Alec startled as he walked into his room. Jonathan was lying on his bed, hands behind his head, casually. 

“In the library.” He said after a few seconds. 

“Again?” The man looked serious as he slowly got up from his bed and walked towards Alec. Alec tried to look calm and not as someone who was caught doing something he shouldn’t have. 

“Yes.” He was still influenced by their conversation with Magnus from earlier, so he tried to only respond in short. 

“I don’t want you to go to the library from today.” It wasn’t a recommendation or an advice. It was a statement, the sort of one that leaves no space for opposition. As much as he wanted to say no, the image of Max popped up in his mind. 

“Okay.” Alec said with his carefully created mask on its place. He didn’t want to show any reaction as it would feed Jonathan’s sick control freak attitude. 

“Very well.” The man suddenly smiled widely and tapped Alec on his shoulder. He wanted to flinch away from his touch but instead he bit the inside of his mouth. 

Things were generally going fine. Jonathan didn’t bother him, and he gave no particular reason to the man to get pissed with him. He still didn’t find a way to figure out whether he was bluffing about his brother but until he was 100% sure that Max was safe, he couldn’t do anything but obey. 

He and Magnus had discussed it before, Alec asked if he should talk to Ragnor about it, but Magnus said that involving a guard in this would be considered traitoring and this time he would definitely need to pay for his actions. Telling guards about things like threats were always a sin among inmates. Alec knew it well, but when it was about Max, he didn’t give a damn about consequences. 

Magnus tried to reason that Alec getting himself killed or beaten up wouldn’t help his brother, on the contrary. 

He remembered when he asked Magnus about his family. He couldn’t remember a single time, seeing the man making a phone call or taking visitors. 

“I don’t have a family.” The man said, voice cold, no expression or emotion on his face. 

“No siblings?” Alec asked, knowing he was pushing slightly but couldn’t help it. 

“No siblings. But considering who my parents were, it’s probably for the best.” His smile held no happiness and Alec didn’t ask anymore. 

***

Alec’s week went downhill from there on. 

First Jonathan put an end to his library dates with Magnus. Then Ragnor told him that he was needed somewhere else and that temporarily he would be removed from the laundry room and would be working in a different area. 

He really wanted to cry in frustration. He didn’t have a chance to talk to Magnus for days now. He saw him during meal times, but that’s as far as their interactions got. 

He saw the frustration on the other man and heard others saying that he is being grumpy and arrogant lately. Alec had a guess or two behind Magnus’ abrupt mood change but kept it to himself. 

Raphael occasionally sent him a knowing look, which Alec tried to ignore. He knew the only reason Santiago didn’t tease him was because he couldn’t. Otherwise he would go on and on about their ‘relationship’. 

_Their relationship._ The sudden loneliness allowed Alec to agonize over it for hours in his room. 

They were friends. Best friends even. That was sure. They slept together, which wasn’t entirely normal among friends, but there was nothing since then, and even then, Alec failed miserably. He hushed the thoughts away, he tired not to think about his mental breakdown. He cried with his dick buried in Magnus.. he knew Izzy and Jace would never let him live with that. 

They talked about loads of things. Good, bad and ugly as Magnus said. He enjoyed learning everything about the other man. They talked during work about general things, he knew for instance that Magnus loved music, dancing and occasionally singing, even if he admitted that he had no talent for the latest. Alec talked to him about TV shows and movies he liked. 

He laughed when Magnus told him that he was a huge fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Alec shyly confessed that he actually never saw a single episode. Magnus just looked at him with a deadpan look and asked Alec if he was serious. 

Alec just nodded, not sure why it was such a big deal. 

Magnus made him swear that he would watch it otherwise their paths have to part. 

Alec just laughed but promised he would look into it. 

Their kept the more serious topics for the library. 

There was one thing Magnus never talked about: his loved ones. Alec tried to ask him a few times, but Magnus was absolutely rejecting the topic. He said he will talk about it but not yet and Alec respected his decision. 

He never wanted to force the man to talk about things he wasn’t ready. 

***

He had thirty minutes until counting. He was roaming on the corridors, he didn’t want to be in his unit. Jonathan was dealing with some drug business and Alec promised himself to stay out of it. Not as if Jonathan would ever ask him to get involved. This made Alec smirk.. he loved to think about how set up that bastard. 

He spotted Raphael standing aimlessly near the wall. 

He knew the boy better than to believe that he was really there for no reason. Since Raphael showed no sign of wanting to talk to Alec, he kept walking. Once he was close enough to Raphael the man turned on his heels and walked in front of Alec. He tried not to frown as the man dropped something on the floor. He stopped and leaned down, pretending that something was in his socks. It was lame enough, but no one seemed to give any thoughts to him. 

He quickly grabbed the scrap of paper and kept walking. 

_I hate lemon. I want chocolate. Even if it’s on the top. 8.40 – where it almost happened_

Alec snored as he swallowed back a laugh. He was already late, he had to hurry. 

He let the door to close with a small thud. 

The bathroom was empty, he was sure Magnus’ hand was in it, but he thought the man would at least be here by now. What if he left already? 

He took a few tentative steps as he walked in further. 

There was a moment when he felt some nervousness, what if it’s a trap, but then quickly realised Raphael would never set him up, plus Magnus’ cryptic message was meant for him, he was the only one who knew what it meant. 

His breath stopped when he felt someone grabbing his elbow and pulling him behind the wall. 

He had no idea to voice his surprise as Magnus pressed his lips to his. He eagerly opened his mouth as he felt Magnus’ tongue softly licking his bottom lip. He ran his hands up and down on the man’s back as he felt his hands grabbing his waist, their chests touching. He softly moaned into the kiss as their tongue’s danced. He missed Magnus. He missed talking to him. He missed smiling and laughing with him and at him every now and on. He felt like breathing freely again after some dreadful days. As they stood there kissing each other like there was no tomorrow he finally realised .. _he was falling for the man._


	19. Chocolate

“Alec.. Lightwood.” Alec’s head snapped towards Ragnor. It was Friday morning. He was just heading for a quick shower before breakfast. He sighed as he turned around, breakfast was ending in ten minutes, so he was really short on time. He desperately hoped to get some food before his shift starts.

“Ragnor.. hey.” Alec said tentatively, not having a clue why the man reached out for him especially this early into the day. 

“Hi. Just wanted to pass on a quick message. Your services are no longer required, Blackthorn is back so you can go back to your own job. Make sure you attend on time in the laundry room.” He said and Alec’s mouth gapped. It was the best news he could get and suddenly he didn’t care so much about breakfast. He was happy and relieved that he was back with the guys and, most importantly, Magnus. 

“That’s..That’s great.” He stuttered and tried to supress a grin. As if Ragnor could read his thoughts, Alec spotted the side of his lips twitching and he had the odd impression that maybe he wasn’t the only one trying to hide a smile. 

“Go on kiddo. I’m sure you don’t want to miss the most important meal of the day.” Ragnor nodded and left in a hurry. 

Alec couldn’t wait till work. 

He quickly approached the doors, if he was fast enough, he could get a two-minute shower and still make it to the canteen before they close. 

He almost dropped his stuff when he spotted the blonde guy lying on the wet floor. 

“What the fuck?” He blurted out as he ran to the man. 

He looked like he was beaten but not severely based on his red cheeks and messy hair. His clothes were soaked in water and what smelled like urine. Alec’s face twisted in disgust. 

“Hey..” He shook the man gently. 

Underhill opened his eyes and slowly tried to get up. He was shaking and looked like he was about to collapse. 

“What happened?” Alec asked as he wrapped his towel around the man. Trying to help him to stand. 

“I..I bumped into him by mistake..and..and he almost fell down the stairs. I told him I was sorry and that I didn’t mean to…and he was smiling saying it..it’s okay..but then..I came in, to get a shower and they followed. He said this is my warning.. and that I.. I.. humiliated him so he will teach me not to cross with him.” He said and Alec took a deep breath to calm himself down. 

“They slapped me.. and kicked me.. and I think a guy..p..pissed on me.” He said with his face burning in embarrassment, his eyes red from tears. Alec felt terrible looking at the man. He didn’t deserve this.. no one did. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of this.” Alec said, he could feel the tension in his facial muscles as he clenched his jaws tight. 

“No.. you can’t. It was Jonathan.” Underhill’s voice was begging as he grabbed Alec’s t-shirt. 

“Get a shower. I’ll be outside.” Alec said and moved away before the other could protest. 

***

“Look who is back.” Raphael said with a smirk when Alec stepped into the laundry room. Alec felt a wave of warmth in his heart. He was missed. But he had no time to linger on it. 

“Hey. I need to talk to you and Magnus.” Alec said with a serious expression and Raphael nodded. His smile disappeared, he knew there was something wrong. 

“I’m here.” Magnus said as he came in. He probably knew Alec was coming back because he didn’t seem too surprised to find him there. His expression was matching Raphael’s. He looked on edge and worried. The three of them moved to the side, away from the curious eyes and ears. 

“Jonathan attacked Underhill.” He said not wanting to beat around the bush. 

“I know. Heard about it.” Magnus said and his whole body looked tensed. 

“What happened?” Raphael frowned. 

“Apparently Underhill pushed him by mistake, but Jonathan took it to heart, he attacked him in the bathroom. Slapped him, kicked him and someone.. urinated on him.” Alec said as his stomach twitched from the idea of getting peed on. It was totally inhuman and disgusting. 

“Fuck..” Raphael said as he grimaced. 

“Seems like I need to remind Jonathan Morgenstern about who the top dog is in here.” Magnus said with determination. 

It didn’t take long for them to come up with a plan. They all had enough of Jonathan and his shit. Magnus said that the drug was, yet again, coming in. A guy from one of the units got taken to the hole because they caught him in the greenhouse while trying to inject himself with whatever Jonathan managed to sneak in. 

Magnus wanted to send a message to Jonathan. One that he would receive clear and loud. 

Alec had a plan how to do it, so he explained to the two other men. It was simple and had minimal risk. Even if they would get caught, they would probably could get away with a warning. 

“Forget it.” Magnus said and Raphael looked like he was just about to say the same. 

“Why?” Alec was confused. His plan was great. He just needed to distract Jonathan for long enough. 

“Because you are not getting involved in this.” Magnus said simply. 

“I wouldn’t, I would be a distraction...” 

“ _Distraction my ass_.. you would put a fucking price on your head..” Raphael said with an eyeroll. 

“One day you’re gonna roll your eyes so hard..you’ll go blind.” Alec said mockingly. 

“Thank fuck.. at least I won’t have to watch you getting killed.” Santiago bit back and Magnus chuckled. 

“Oh, how much I missed this.” He said as he smiled at Alec and Raphael. 

“Right..we have no time for being sentimental..” Raphael clapped amd they got back to planning. 

The plan wasn’t as good as Alec hoped but it would work for the purpose. He wasn’t playing any role in it, for which, to be honest, he was grateful. Any misstep he took could result in harming Max and Alec knew that’s why Magnus was so stubborn about not proceeding with his original idea. Raphael probably knew it as well, but he didn’t voice it. 

All Alec had to do was to go and speak to Ragnor, so he they couldn’t blame him for any of it. 

He wanted to talk to the other man anyway, he wrote a letter to his sister and he hoped he could send it. He knew his rights had been restricted but he hoped Ragnor would take an exception considering the upcoming date. 

They agreed to do it tomorrow evening. They assumed that Jonathan would connect it back to Underhill if they do it too soon after his attack. By waiting till later would be safer, even if it was hard to pretend as if nothing happened. 

They asked Underhill who else was there to make sure everyone involved gets a piece of their own god damn medicine. 

***

Pretending that Alec was clueless was harder than he thought. He was pretty much ignored recently, and he hoped they would stick to their good habit. 

He walked back to his unit later that evening just before counting. 

Jonathan, Marshall and Alderte were sitting on the couch. They seemed very occupied with something. First Alec wasn’t sure what they were looking at. 

“Lightwood.” Marshall said and Alec raised an eyebrow. He was sure it was the first time that the man said anything specifically to him. 

“What?” His voice was bored and careless. 

“Is your ‘woman’ from here?” The man had a cocky smile on his face and Alec furrowed his brows in confusion. 

“What the fuck are you on about?” 

As a response, Jonathan raised a magazine, lazily waving it in the air in front of Alec. 

It was a porn magazine. 

“No, but I heard your mum was on page 16.” Alec said sarcastically, earning a laugh from Jonathan and a growl from Marshall. His comeback was, indeed a low blow but he wasn’t in the mood to get humiliated by the guy. He turned around to head towards his room when Jonathan opened his mouth. 

“What is she like?” 

“Who?” Alec wasn’t sure if they were talking about his ‘girlfriend’ or Marshall’s mum. 

“Your woman.” Jonathan said and he slightly tilted his head. Alec knew this involuntary movement of the man and he absolutely fucking hated it. 

“She is funny, smart, beautiful, kind…she is perfect..” 

“What’s her name?” 

“Why? So, you can blackmail me with her too?” Alec snored. 

“Hmm.. you are right. But I would find out anyway.. why don’t you save me the time? Or shall I ask..your brother?” Jonathan smiled at Alec. 

“Jessica Hawkblue.” He said after a moment. 

“Jessica..” Jonathan said the S in a way that reminded Alec’s at a snake. No doubt, the man was a fucking snake. 

He believed their discussion was over, so without a word he turned around and went to his room. 

***

Alec spent his entire Saturday on edge. He knew he had no reason to worry. His ‘alibi’ was rock solid. There was no reason his name would come up later but still. At the agreed time he headed to Ragnor’s office. 

“Alec. Come on in.” The man said as he opened his office’s door, allowing Alec to enter. 

He held the letter in his hand. It was three pages long. He wrote down everything that happened to him, leaving out some of the dirty details, the last thing he needed was Izzy to worry about him. 

He also talked about Magnus, telling her that out of all the places, he found someone in here. Someone he wanted for more than just a night. Someone he might be falling in love with. 

“I know I can’t.. send letters but I hoped maybe.. it’s my sister’s birthday next week.” _The first one I will miss out on. Ever._ He added it in his thoughts. 

“I understand.” Ragnor nodded but didn’t look at Alec. 

As much as Alec was prepared for getting rejected, he felt disappointed. He really, really wanted his sister to get at least a letter from his for her birthday. Ideally, he wanted to ask her to visit him, but he didn’t even dare to think Ragnor would approve that. 

“Considering.. that she only has birthday once a year.. I will make an exception. On one occasion.” Alec couldn’t believe his ears. 

“Anything.” He said straightaway. He would agree with anything if it means that he can send it to his sister. 

“I’ll read it before I send it. If I find anything in it that could cause any kind of suspicion in terms of your intentions with this letter, I will report it, which can result in complete repudiation in terms of future requests to contact anyone apart from your lawyer.” The older man said as he looked at Alec. 

Alec hesitated for a moment. There was nothing suspicious in the letter, but he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to air his ‘love life’. He trusted that the man would be professional and wouldn’t go around rumouring about his relationship with Magnus to others but the thought of someone knowing about them made him nervous. 

“Take it as you don’t want to send the letter anymore?” Ragnor asked and his voice was stern and almost angry. 

“No! Yes. I mean.. I do want to. It’s just..” Alec nervously licked his lips, not sure what way to put it. 

“What is it?” Ragnor asked as he leaned back in his chair and Alec couldn’t shake off the feeling that the man knew more than what he openly admitted. 

“I wrote to my sister about.. personal things. About.. about my relationship with..with Magnus.” Alec closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see the man’s face. He didn’t want to see his reaction. 

“I can assure you. Your relationship with him is only your and no one else’s business. I know it’s not mine and I wish the circumstances would be different, but I have no other choice.” Ragnor said and Alec saw something in the other man’s expression he couldn’t name. 

“Thank you.” He said quietly with a nod. 

When Alec got back to his unit, he knew their plan was a success. There was no sign of Jonathan and one of the other guys. _Stray loss_ , Alec thought bitterly. 

If they were lucky, they would keep Jonathan in during the weekend. Hopefully he got a concussion from the fall. The idea to push him down the stairs was coming from Alec, in this way Jonathan would definitely get the message. The execution of it was down to Magnus. 

He spent the rest of the evening in good mood, knowing that now maybe he can spend some time again with Magnus. 

***

He was in Magnus’ unit. They were sitting in his room. They had a few hours before counting and since it was Sunday, they had nowhere else to be. 

He looked down at Magnus’ hand.. his fingertip gently touching the back of the man’s hand. 

Magnus turned his hand around, offering his palm. Alec took his hand, slowly intervening their fingers before looking up at the older man. 

“You are so beautiful.” Alec whispered as he lifted his other hand cupping Magnus’ face. The man leaned into his touch, closing his eyes. Alec never saw anyone so perfect in his life. Because Magnus was perfect the way he was. With every flaw and tiny imperfections he had. 

Alec brushed his lower lip with his thumb feeling the hot breath under his finger as he other man let out a sigh. 

He leaned in slowly, letting go of Magnus’ hand and cupping his face between both of his hands and gently kissed him. 

He felt Magnus’ hand hugging his waist, pulling him closer as their kissed each other softly, lips hardly meeting. 

He slightly tilted Magnus’ head before licking his lower lip, asking for permission. Magnus opened up, letting Alec’s tongue to meet his, halfway. Alec could feel the lingering taste of coffee on the older man’s tongue as they kissed gently. Alec sensed a hand travelling up on his side then down again causing him to melt into the kiss. He moved h’is hand from Magnus face down onto his neck, only touching the hot skin with the tip of his fingers. Magnus gently sucked on his lower lip earning a quiet moan from Alec. They kissed and touched each other, wanting to explore every inch of the other. Alec placed one of his hand on Magnus’ chest while the other moved to the back of his neck, pushing him onto his back. 

“I would love to..” Alec started as he looked down at Magnus, his eyes half closed, his lips slightly parting as he lied on his bed looking up at Alec. 

“There is nothing I would love more.” Magnus whispered and that’s all Alec needed to hear. 

Alec took his t-shirt off with one quick movement, throwing it down next to the bed before leaning above Magnus with a smile. The older man smiled at him, his hands exploring the broad shoulders, the black tattoos across Alec’s upper body. 

He kissed the corner of his mouth before moving onto his jawline. Alec loved how each kiss and gentle sucking made Magnus shiver. He pushed Magnus’ hand up, next to his head, holding it down as he kept peppering his neck with kisses. He let go off him, slowly pushing up his t-shirt, running his fingers up and down along his ribs, not stopping with the kisses. He felt Magnus’ hand grabbing his shoulder, squeezing it as Alec pulled the tip of his tongue along the vein on Magnus’ neck. 

He leaned back to sit up looking down at Magnus. 

“You could ride me like that..” Magnus said with a smile on his lips, mischief in his voice. 

“Maybe..one day.. “ Alec said seriously as he held his hands out to pull up the man. 

They never talked about intimacy. Magnus seemed to enjoy bottoming and that suited Alec perfectly since he was always topping. 

Magnus sat up as well, their chests touching as Alec sat on his lap. He smiled before pulling up Magnus’ t-shirt just to send it after his own one. 

With one swift movement he pushed Magnus back onto his back and he followed him quickly, continuing with the kisses. He kissed Magnus’ shoulder.. slowly moving down to his chest. 

His body was a masterpiece. Skinny but muscular..smooth, glowing skin. Alec couldn’t stop himself from licking the caramel skin. Magnus sighed as he ran his nails over Alec’s back making him shiver in pleasure. 

Alec playfully licked one of his nipples while his fingertip circled on the other one. 

He kissed his way down to Magnus’ trousers before quickly jumping off and pulling them down, sending it after their long forgotten t-shirts. 

He smiled as he looked at the man in his naked glory. The way he lied there, legs slightly parted just waiting for Alec to climb back between them. 

And he did.. oh boy he wanted nothing more. 

Magnus was half hard and Alec felt it a personal mission to make the man as hard as possible, to make him fall apart beneath him. 

Alec kissed his hip bone, slightly biting it which made Magnus moan. He kept kissing his thigh carefully, avoiding any contact with his half erect member, which wasn’t that half erected as it was a few minutes ago. 

“Alexander..” Magnus said and he wasn’t sure what the man plead for but had a guess or two. 

He looked up at the him with a smile and slowly took him into his hand as their eyes connected. 

His cock was hard in Alec’s hand and it was dripping with precum. 

Alec licked his lips. He did mention to Magnus about his non-existing gag reflex but he never mentioned how much he enjoyed all the benefits of it when it came to blowjobs. Alec rarely gave pleasure to men using just his mouth. He usually used his hand as well. But right now, he wanted to make the man come without his hands. 

He licked the head of Magnus cock as he still maintained the eye contact. He saw as Magnus’ breath hitched from the sudden sensation. 

He licked his entire length from the base to its top, his tongue running along the vein as he grabbed the man’s hips to pin him down. 

He kissed the top of Magnus’ cock once then again and again. He felt the man trembling under him. Alec knew what he desired, and he was more than happy to give it to him. 

Alec saw as Magnus’ eyes started to shut close. 

“Magnus.. look at me.” He whispered in a low seductive voice and Magnus’ eyes shut open in the moment Alec swallowed him. He took the man in slowly, his tongue licking his cock as he took in more and more of the man’s length. 

He didn’t stop until Magnus’ was completely buried in his mouth. 

“Oh my go-“ Magnus chocked on the words as his cock hit the back of Alec’s throat. 

His fingers buried in Alec’s hair and he gently grabbed it, not sure whether he should pull on it or push. 

Alec bobbed his head up and down and wanted to smile. He knew Magnus must be internally debating with himself. He had a guy once who was able to take him without any problem and Alec knew the feeling of doubt. He knew Magnus wanted to thrust into his mouth, but he didn’t want to cause him discomfort. 

He let go of Magnus’ hips, giving him permission to do whatever he wants with him. 

“Alexander..” Magnus whined as Alec swirled his tongue around the head of his cock. 

“Do it.” He said before swallowing him again and Magnus did. He wasn’t forceful or rough, he only rocked his hips slightly as he pushed himself into Alec’ mouth further. 

“Stop..” Magnus sighed and Alec moved his head up, letting Magnus’ cock to slowly fall out from between his lips. 

Alec watched as Magnus’ hand looked for the bottle of body lotion on his bedside table. 

Alec squeezed some onto his finger as he climbed back on top of Magnus. He propped himself on one elbow and leaned into a kiss. 

The tip if his finger gently circled around the sensitive skin while he kept kissing the man slowly. It wasn’t rushed. He wanted to savour the moment. He wanted to remember every single detail about this. 

His finger slipped in without much resistance. He was still careful, looking out for any discomfort on Magnus’ face. The older man looked like he was in heaven, there was no other sign than pure pleasure on his face, the way he closed his eyes, the way he moaned, lips shiny from the kissing. 

Alec worked him loose carefully, taking his time to prepare the man while peppering him with kisses on his lips, neck, shoulders. 

He pulled his fingers out when he felt the other man trying to get them deeper inside him, taking it as a sign that he was ready for Alec. 

Alec was desperately hard in his trousers. He quickly got up and get rid of them before coating his member with the body lotion generously. 

Magnus reached out to stroke him a few times. Alec bit into his lower lip, he had to stop Magnus, otherwise he would come before he could even get inside. 

He slowly pushed Magnus’ legs apart a bit more to get a better access. 

They looked at each other while Alec carefully pushed in. He almost come as the tight heat surrounded his cock, pulling it in. 

Once he bottomed out, he felt like he was in heaven. Magnus was so tight and hot around him it made him lose his mind. 

They moved so perfectly, like their bodies were meant to be together, like they were meant for each other. Alec wished this would be their first time. He never wanted to make love to someone ever again, other than the man. 

“Alexander.. I-“ He moaned loudly as Alec hit his prostate. They were both lost in pleasure as they moved, Alec’s thrusts became deeper. Their breaths became shallower. They were both so close as they moaned into the kisses. 

Alec felt Magnus coming between two thrusts, he felt as the man shivered underneath him, his back arching, his lips parting as he let the pleasure to take over. 

The sight of the other man was enough to make Alec come like never before. He felt his walls crashing down as he hugged the man. Maybe he already fell for the man.


	20. Underhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cruel world - Tommee Profitt feat Sam Tinnesz
> 
> **READ NOTES AT THE END FOR WARNINGS**

“Can I ask something?” They were lying on Magnus’ bed. It was Monday, they decided to skip lunch, not knowing when Jonathan is due back, they wanted to spend every blissful moment they could, together. His head was resting on Magnus’ shoulder while he drawn random pattern on his chest. The other man gently stroked his hair as they talked.

“Of course, darling, you can ask anything.” Magnus said, voice reassuring. 

“What will be the first thing you do once you’re out?” He was genuinely curious to hear about his plans. Magnus didn’t answer and he was scared for a second that maybe he touched a sore spot but when he glanced up to see Magnus’ face, he realised that the man was smiling with his eyes closed. 

“I will adopt a cat.” 

“What?” Alec laughed and pushed himself up to his elbow and looked at Magnus with a wide smile on his face. He wasn’t making fun of him, it just took him by surprise. 

“Yeah.” Magnus smiled at him. “I always wanted a feline company, but never had a chance. When you are in here for some time..you rethink your decisions. Your priorities are changing, and you realise how many things you could have, should have done. So, I will adopt a cat. I already have a name in mind.” 

“Yeah and what it is?” Alec focused on the last part of Magnus’ reply because he didn’t want to think about the other. He tried to ignore what he said because it made him nervous. He didn’t want to change. He didn’t want to see things differently and most importantly he didn’t want to think about all the things he regretted.. it would be a never-ending list. 

“Chariman Meow.” He said and sounded extremely determined and proud about his brilliant name choice. 

Alec tilted his head back and let out a laugh. A real laugh coming from the bottom of his heart. 

“Don’t laugh at me.” Magnus said with a mocked offence in his voice. 

“No..no I’m not laughing at you. It’s a good one.” He said but he was still smiling. 

“I know right? And what about you?” 

“What about me? I don’t plan to adopt a pet if that’s what you’re asking.” Alec said despite of knowing what Magnus meant. 

“What will you do once you’re out?” He looked at him and he wasn’t smiling anymore. His expression was serious. 

“I.. I will go into the first bar and get a double scotch.” He said smiling at the older man. 

“Hey.. I was serious about my answer. I really want to know Alexander.” 

“I didn’t make fun of your answer, so why do you?” He raised an eyebrow even though, he knew his answer was obviously some made up bullshit. He sighed in defence and gave a proper answer. 

“I will go up onto a rooftop and shoot arrows up to the sky and I will watch them as they fall beneath.” He said seriously. He missed archery so much. 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” _No._ Not even close. Because he won’t get a drink and he won’t spend his time with archery. He will be waiting. For Magnus. He will spend every day waiting for Magnus. He will rent a flat for them, he will get it furnished and decorated, so once Magnus is out, they can start a life together. A real one. One outside of this place, where they will be free. Together. But he didn’t say that. He didn’t dare to have such hopes. After all, Magnus had another 10 years or so to serve. Loads of things can change during that time. Even in one day, one hour, one minute. Everything can change. He knew it. His life crumbled in minutes. So, he knew that there was no guarantee for tomorrow. 

“Okay.” Magnus smiled and leaned in to kiss him. It was sweet and soft. There was no trace of lust or want, it was rather emotional and full of love, trust and untold promises. Neither of them said it, but they both knew deep down that they imagined spending their life together later. 

***

“Where were you?” Jonathan was standing at the door, casually leaning to the wall. 

Alec heard him coming, his hearing was always excellent, he could pick up on the smallest nestles without a problem. He closed the door of his bed side table and turned around to face the other man. 

His almost white hair was falling into his face. The man didn’t look as bad as Alec expected. He only had a few bruises and a plaster on his right eyebrow. He straightened up before giving an answer. 

“I went for a walk. Didn’t feel like sitting here all day.” He said with a shrug. It wasn’t a lie really. 

“The others didn’t have a problem waiting for me.” He said and Alec wasn’t sure what sort of emotions he saw on the other’s face. In normal circumstances he would have guessed disappointment and hurt, but Jonathan was uncapable to feel anything even remotely close to those said feelings. 

“I went to see if I can hear anything. To see who was behind the attack.” Now, _this_ was a lie. 

“And?” The other raised an eyebrow. 

“Not much. They are all scared. No one would spill.” 

“They better be. Someone will pay for this. Sooner or later someone will speak.” He said and Alec could see the determination and anger in his dark eyes. 

“Come out. We are catching up on things.” He waved with his head as he walked back to the common area. 

Alec took a deep breath. He had to act calm. He couldn’t draw any attention on himself. He had to pretend he was clueless and didn’t know about anything. 

The others told everything they knew to Jonathan. About who could possible be behind the attack. He asked about the new guy. Alec stomach flinched at the memory. He never wanted Underhill to become suspicious. 

“I think Magnus took him under his wings.” Marshall said. He was such a rat. A weak piece of shit who always hides and try to stay in the shadow of someone with power. 

“That son of a bitch.. I bet it was his plan.” Jonathan growled and Alec restrained to finch at his words. He wasn’t totally wrong. 

“What was his name again?” Alec clenched his jaws tight. This fucker didn’t even know the name of the guy, yet he decided to torture him just to show his authority.. It made him sick and wanted to beat his head into the table repeatedly. 

“Underhill.” Marshall was quick to answer. 

“Oh yes. We shall pay him another visit tonight.” Jonathan said as he leaned back on the couch, his eyes brightening, his lips tugging into a smile. 

Alec’s brain was working hard to find a way to warn him. It was a fucked-up situation. If the words got out that they were planning something it can be easily tracked back to him. He chewed on his inner mouth as he thought of all the possible ideas how to do it without getting himself into some deep shit. 

“Lightwood.” Jonathan’s voice dragged him back to reality. 

“Yeah?” He looked up to him. 

“Find out what class he attends at the afternoon. Lure him to the green house after, make sure he comes alone, will meet you there at 8.15.” 

Alec cursed to himself. He wanted to save the guy, even if for just tonight, then he was given the task to bring him there personally. He knew Jonathan didn’t trust him fully and it was the time to prove his above and beyond loyalty. 

***

“Fuck.” He said pacing up and down. It was coming up to 3.00 and he only had 5 hours and a bit to come up with something. 

He knew he will have to go to class and won’t be able to speak to Magnus about the plan, not until dinner, even then it will be almost impossible. He didn’t know what to do. Had no idea how to warn them without getting himself killed for traitoring. Or worse. 

During the two-hour class, he couldn’t concentrate. He had no idea what they were discussing. His thought was far away. He was a wreck. His body was so tense, the muscles in his back hurt. 

He didn’t know what happened, but the next moment he was lining up in the canteen. He had no appetite. His stomach was the size of a pea, his throat was dry. He looked around and seen Magnus sitting at their usual spot with Raphael, Meliorn, Garroway and a few others. 

Underhill was nowhere to be seen and he felt his heart sinking so low he was wondering if it was still in his chest. 

He looked at Magnus with a questioning look who only replied with a small smile and a nod. Alec leaned back slightly to look at the front of the line when he spotted Underhill. He sighed in relief. He looked back at Magnus whose face was showing off some confusion and suspicion. He must have realised that Alec’s reaction was more than general worry. He wanted to send back a reassuring smile, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lull him into some false hope. He saw Magnus raising from his seat, walking towards him. His movements were quick, his eyes were threating and the way he clenched his fist showed nothing good. 

Magnus grabbed Alec’s t shirt and pushed him to the wall. Suddenly everyone moved away from them, watching as things unfolded. People were all shouting and encouraging them to fight. 

Magnus leaned closer to Alec and tried to keep his voice low to make sure he is the only one who hears him. 

“What’s going on?” 

Alec didn’t answer straight away. They had to talk about it properly to make a plan. They couldn’t discuss it with everyone around, watching them. 

Alec saw from the corner of his eyes as Jonathan, Aldertee, Raj and Marshall stepped into the canteen. Their eyes soon on the two of them. 

“Back off!” He said and pushed Magnus away hard enough to succeed but not too hard to make him fall. 

“We are not done Lightwood.” Magnus raised a finger and could see in Magnus’ eyes that he wasn’t bluffing. He knew Magnus was nervous and wanted to find out what was going on. 

“Magnus. I was gone for a few days and you are here already playing the boss.” Jonathan walked closer to them. He seemed entertained. 

“It would be a lie to say you were missed.” Magnus said with a grimace. His friends were standing now behind him in case some back up was needed. 

“Enough! Get your food and eat or I put every single one of you in the hole for a fucking month.” Lewis said as he approached them along with two other guards. 

“We are not done yet.” Magnus spat it towards Alec as he backed off. 

Alec swallowed hard. He was screwed. So, fucking screwed. Only if he knew things will get tenfold worse by the end of the day. 

*** 

He didn’t have trouble to find out what class Underhill had in the evening since he already knew it. As soon as he was out, he went straight to the IT room. The guys had no access to the internet, but they could learn the basics of using different programs and what not. He was leaning to the wall waiting for the blonde man to come out. Once he spotted him, he walked over to him and grabbed his arm. 

“Let’s walk.” He muttered. 

“No touching!” A guard shouted as they walked past him, and he quickly took his hand off Underhill but stayed close to him. 

They walked in silence. He saw how nervous and scared the other man was and Alec cursed his luck. He didn’t want to hurt him but had no idea how to avoid the catastrophe that was coming up. 

They crossed the yard and he felt even more nervous realising that no guard was out. It was planned out a lot better than he thought. Jonathan clearly had enough time to think of his revenge in the last few days. He certainly didn’t disappoint. 

“Where are we going? What’s happening?” The fear was clear in the other’s voice and Alec had to bite his lip. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to explain to him how bad he felt at that moment. 

“I’m sorry.” He quietly muttered once they reached the door of the green house and opened it. 

Inside was Jonathan and Marshall. There was no sign of Raj or Aldertee and that made Alec’s stomach coil. Whatever Jonathan was planning it was getting worse and worse with each minute. 

“Good evening Underhill.” Jonathan greeted them with a cheerful voice. He looked happy and satisfied. The other man looked pale and sick. Alec was afraid he pass out in any moment, not as he could really blame him for it. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Alec totally got it. He lured him there. He walked him into a trap. And he fucking hated himself for it. 

If he thought things were bad already the universe decided to show him that it can get even worse. 

The door opened behind them and his breathing stopped. He gasped and felt like as someone kicked him in the chest. Magnus was dragged in by Aldertee and Raj. 

He looked angry and tried to shake their hands off without any success. 

“What the fuck is going on?” He demanded looking at Jonathan. 

“We decided to have a little..get together. You know.. catch up on things.” He answered smiling. 

There was a smirk on everyone’s face apart from Magnus, Underhill and Alec. 

Alec tried to get his shit together but with each passing minute it became harder and harder. 

“I was a bit sceptical when I asked you to bring him here Lightwood, but you impressed me. Well done.” He said to Alec, nodding in approval. He felt terrible. He didn’t dare to look at Magnus or Underhill. They must know he didn’t want this to happen. They had to know! 

“Take this opportunity as a thank you gift from me, for your loyalty.” Jonathan said to Alec and his heart hammered hitting his ribs. 

“What?” He asked confused. He didn’t know what the other man had in mind but truth to be said he didn’t fucking want to find out. 

“I remember you saying how much you missed your girlfriend.” Alec closed his eyes for a moment. 

Magnus’ face was priceless. He looked hurt and betrayed. Alec wanted to tell him that it wasn’t true. That he didn’t have anyone. That he was the only person he loved. But he couldn’t. 

“I need to remind Magnus about his place in here and how far his hand can reach, also I need to show the boy that if he isn’t on my side..he is on the losing one. Two birds with one stone.. So, that’s where my gift comes into the picture. You didn’t say but we both know what you miss really..” The smile became wider, sicker as he looked at Underhill. The boy’s face was displaying utter shock and horror. 

“I’m sure if you close your eyes and try hard enough you can imagine him being your woman.” 

Alec was sure he will either pass out or throw up. Jonathan couldn’t be serious. 

In the meantime, Marshall grabbed Underhill and lied him flat on his stomach on a table. And pulled his trousers down to his ankles with one quick movement. 

Alec wanted to die. There was no way he would play along. No way. 

“What are you waiting for? He is all yours.” Jonathan said sounding a bit impatient, he clearly thought Alec was just as sick as him and would be delighted to get such an opportunity to help himself. 

“Don’t you fucking dare to touch him! Let him go!” Magnus screamed. His voice hoarse. His eyes wide as he looked at Jonathan. When the latter just laughed in response his glaze went to Alec. 

Alec was still standing frozen in his spot. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to run but he knew he couldn’t. He saw something shiny from the corner of his eyes. Jonathan took out a razor, the blade reflecting the light coming through the dirty windows. 

“Don’t be ungrateful Lightwood. Show some gratitude.” He said his voice hitting a colder tone. He wasn’t expecting Alec being reluctant. 

Alec swallowed and took a step closer to Underhill. 

“No-“ Magnus started but he was treated with a punch. His lips bursting, some blood spurring out at the corner of his mouth. Alec looked away quickly, seeing him getting hurt was something he couldn’t face. 

“Do you want to fuck him instead?” Jonathan frowned as he nodded towards Magnus. 

No…no..no.no.no. Alec’s thoughts screamed. He would rather die than hurt Magnus. 

“I mean he is definitely more feminine. I just didn’t think you could get off on him.” Jonathan said, his voice sounded a bit surprised but didn’t seem like he minded the idea. 

“No.” Alec swallowed. He couldn’t. He would never do that to the man. 

“Alright then, Underhill it is.” He clapped his hands and pointed towards the man lying on the table. 

Alec put his trembling hands on the side of the table, grapping it firmly to stop his hand from shaking. He felt sick. He was disgusted with both the situation and himself. 

He looked behind his shoulder and saw Magnus’ eyes wide and filled with terror as he kept looking at Alec and the red button near him. He knew what the man wanted but he couldn’t. He would sign their death sentences if he would push that button. He looked away and stared at Underhill’s back. His shoulders were shaking, Alec didn’t know if he was shaking out of fear or because he was crying. 

He wasn’t sure what to do next. 

He looked at Jonathan who just rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the bench and put a bottle of body lotion on the table. 

“Are you impotent or what?” Jonathan asked after a while. He sounded bored and frustrated. 

“Alec..” Underhill whined but was shut up straightaway with a punch. He was sure he’ll never forget the plea in the blonde’s voice. 

“No.. I.. I just can’t. I can’t get turned on.” He stuttered. He really couldn’t. He was disgusted. 

“Just put it in for fuck sake.” Jonathan hit his fist on the table and took the body lotion. He squeezed it above Underhill’s ass, letting it drip into his crack. 

“Do it!” Jonathan said and Alec had to take a deep breath through his nose if he didn’t want to be sick. A minute passed as Alec’s brain tried to come up with some sort of escape route. Vainly. 

“You are a fucking disgrace.” Jonathan snapped, losing the last string of his patience and pushed Alec away. 

Jonathan was done waiting. He took his dick out and with one sudden movement, he pushed himself all the way in making the man under him scream out in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is it so warm here?  
> Oh yeah, I'm burning in hell.  
> xx
> 
>  
> 
> PS. Rape (implied..sort of)


	21. We are done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Tinnesz – Far from home
> 
> The reason i'm uploading a new chapter is because i'm so drunk like im fucked and I will be working in a few hours, so I need something nice to wake up (like your comments) along with my hangover.   love you all xx

He was kneeling in the toilet. He’s been there for at least half an hour now. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Underhill and Magnus. He saw Jonathan’s face as it grimaced in pleasure. Despite of the silence surrounding him, he could hear Underhill’s screams and pleas as well as Jonathan’s moans and groans. He was sick. He spent the last 30 minutes constantly throwing up. Even now when there was nothing left in his stomach his body was shaking and constantly cramping, making him gag as he leaned over the toilet.

He was covered in cold sweat, he could feel his clothes sticking to his skin. He was shaking so viciously he didn’t know if he could get up to head to his unit anytime soon despite the upcoming counting and curfew. 

He heard the door opening and prayed to god that whoever it is will ignore him and leave in peace. 

He propped his head on the toilet seat and closed his eyes. He wanted to die. He never ever felt this miserable in his life, not even after the whole drug thing, and knowing that whatever he felt right now wasn’t even close to what Underhill was going through made everything even worse. 

He heard footsteps getting closer and closer to him and felt someone touching his shoulder. It wasn’t gentle but wasn’t aggressive either. Someone simply wanted to get his attention. 

He didn’t want to move much as he didn’t trust his body, so he just slowly turned his head and opened his eyes. 

Magnus was standing next to him with a plastic cup in his hand as he offered some water to him. His face was showing pain, disappointment, hate and the bitter realization of being betrayed. 

Hence, Alec had no idea what he was doing here. He had every reason to avoid him as the plague. 

“Drink.” Magnus said as he pushed the cup even closer to his face. Alec’s hand was shaking as he reached for the water and he was afraid he would drop it. 

He managed to drink it without spilling it, now he only hoped it will stay down. 

“We are done. From now on, we are two inmates stuck in the same block. I don’t want anything to do with you. I don’t want to see you unless I have to. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want you to talk to any of the guys. They won’t talk to you I can assure you about that. Whatever happens to you, I don’t care. You are on your own. You are dead to me.” Magnus said looking into Alec’s eyes. 

He didn’t flinch, he didn’t stutter. He was determined, he knew what he wanted and wasn’t having second thoughts. 

Even if Alec would have been able to answer, he couldn’t. Not just because he felt like he couldn’t breathe from the large lump in his throat but because he didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say or do to make things right. He fucked it up. For good. 

Magnus clearly wasn’t expecting an answer. He came here to tell him what he wanted and now that he was done, he turned around and walked away. 

***

By the time he got back to his unit there was only a minute left till the counting. Everyone was in their place as the guard came in. He could see the tension in Jonathan’s body. He was mad and Alec didn’t have to guess twice what caused his anger. After the guard left everyone stayed in their spots in case, they would need a recount. 

Alec knew that once the guard left for sure hell would break loose. He was right. 

He should have expected it, yet the punch made him to lose his balance and fell to the floor. He could feel the familiar taste of iron in his mouth as his blood mixed with his saliva. 

His lip already started to swell as the pain throbbed in rhythm. He looked at Jonathan as he kneeled down to him and sit on his hips to pinch him to the ground. He saw him raising his fist before he threw in the next punch. And another one and another one. 

He could have moved if he really wanted but he didn’t. As fucked up and sick as it sounded, he wanted this. The pain in his chest was so intense that only the physical pain could overcome it. 

Therefore, he didn’t do anything to stop the blonde man to let his anger out, using him as a punching bag. He closed his eyes and quietly endured the physical assault, only hoping that it would eventually numb the pain he was feeling and would somehow fill in the emptiness Magnus left in him. 

He wasn’t sure when it all stopped, there was a good chance he passed out at some point. 

He didn’t know if it was hours later or minutes but when he opened his eyes, he was alone. He lied in the middle of the living room. His body ached like he was hit by a fucking tank. 

He was surprised that he could open his eyes. Seemed like Jonathan spared them for whatever reason. 

He wanted to get up but could feel a sharp pain in his ribs by just taking a breath. There was a good chance a few was broken, if not all, based on the pain he felt. The only part of his body he could move without any exaggerating pain was his big toe. 

He decided to spend the whole night lying in the spot he was left in. He couldn’t move. He was happy he was alive. 

Too bad no one above gave a single fuck about what he wanted as Lewis’ face turned up at the cell. 

He looked shocked as he found Alec lying on the floor at the middle of the night. Alec had no idea what state he was in but could imagine that he wasn’t the most appealing view to the eye. 

“Medics required to unit 9 immediately! Medics to unit 9 now!” He almost shouted into his radio as he pressed the button to release the doors and rushed in to check on Alec. 

“Lightwood! Look at me. Don’t close your eyes.” He said as he checked his body with his flashlight. He looked at the young boy and could see the worry in his eyes. Alec faintly smiled as his mind started to go numb, his vision blurry. He heard the blunt noises coming from outside of the cell as people rushed towards them. Then everything went blank. 

***

“Izzy! Slow down.” Alec shouted after his sister as she ran away from him laughing. 

“Come on big brother! Keep it up!” She smiled cheekily. 

They were running outside, playing. He was around 12. Jace only joined their family a few months ago but it felt like he was always part of their family. 

Jace was running first, Izzy following him and Alec desperately trying to reach them. Jace looked back at him and sent him a warm smile. 

Alec laughed as he ran as fast as he could to catch up with them. 

He felt so happy. Seeing his siblings smile was like some light in the middle of the darkness. 

Despite his efforts he couldn’t get to them. He knew it was illogical, he was quicker than any of them, yet they were getting further and further away from him. 

His smile slowly died of his lips as he watched the distance grew bigger and bigger between them. 

He stopped and looked after them. They weren’t smiling anymore. They looked confused. 

“Alec! What happened?” Izzy asked burrowing his eyebrows. 

“Come on Alec!” Jace said impatiently but Alec could see the worry in his eyes. 

“I can’t” Alec wanted to shout but no words came out of his mouth. He was numb. He couldn’t move. His legs felt so heavy like two rocks. Unable to move or speak he just looked at his siblings. They suddenly started to fade. 

“It’s okay big brother.” Izzy whispered and Alec had no idea how he could hear it from this far. 

“You’ll be okay Alec.” Jace said reassuringly as he slowly turned around. Izzy followed him and Alec felt the tears rolling down on his face as he watched his siblings walking away, leaving him behind. He was alone. Again. 

***

He suddenly opened his eyes and was blinded by bright lights. 

“Lightwood… Damn it, Alec wake up!” The voice was familiar but definitely didn’t belong to any of his siblings. 

“Oh my god, he is alive. He is alive.” A female voice shouted. 

“Alec. Can you hear me? I’m Doctor Rollins.” Slowly an unfamiliar face creeped into his vision. He still couldn’t see properly but the lines were less blurry now than a few moments ago. 

“Izzy.. Jace..” Alec breathed. 

“He is hallucinating.” The voice said again. 

“Wait up..” Alec continued and let the darkness to come for him again. 


	22. What we could've have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayde Wolf ft. Ruelle – Walk through the fire
> 
>  
> 
> I feel so bad for uploading a new chapter.. this is like three in a row.  
> But what can i say.. i love you all too much.
> 
>  
> 
> No worries.. the next chapter won't be coming till later this week.  
> Pinky promise   
> xx

_“Hey..” Alec whispered when he saw Magnus walking in, through the doors.  
_

_He didn’t know where he was.. he was sitting in the living room of a loft. It was spacious with huge windows. It was very stylish, a perfect mixture of classic and modern with loads of colours._

__

__

_“Well hello darling. Long day in the office?” Magnus asked cheerfully as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Alec’s lips. He just blinked at the other man with surprise._

_“Yeah.. yeah it was.” Alec almost choked on the words but managed to answer._

_“My clients were extra needy today. You have no idea.” Magnus laughed as he poured himself a glass of drink. Alec just looked at the man in haze. He was gorgeous from head to toe, in his extravagant clothes, perfect make up, hair all styled in a mohawk. He couldn’t believe it. Was he dreaming?_

_“What is it? You are looking at me with a very odd expression Alexander.” Magnus said smiling but his brows furrowed in slight confusion._

_“I..I just thought..” He didn’t know what he thought exactly. He nervously licked his lips. “Is this real?” He asked, scared of the answer._

_“Of course it is darling. Why wouldn’t it be?” Magnus asked as he walked towards Alec with a glass in his hand. Alec spotted his nails, they were nicely manicured with dark nail polish._

_“I thought we..” He didn’t know how to finish it. He didn’t want to ruin the moment._

_“Alexander.. is everything okay? You are being.. very strange. I know you are the CEO and that it’s hard work to lead a company..but you are over exhausting yourself.” Magnus raised his hand and gently caressed Alec’s cheek. His eyes were filled with concern despite of his smile._

_“I..You are right. I am just tired.” Alec said with a sigh. He took Magnus hand and kissed his palm with his eyes closed. He felt the warmth of his skin as his lip touched it. It was real. They were really there._

_His eyes flicked open as he felt something jumping up onto his lap. It was warm and soft._

_“Unbelievable!” Magnus tilted his head back with a laugh. Alec just stared down at the ball of fur._

_“Chairman?..” Alec asked and he couldn’t supress the surprise in his voice._

_“I’m the one who just got home.. why exactly are you sitting on Alexander instead of me?” Magnus asked as he scooped up the cat like a baby and looked down at him with a pout._

_“I think he will always remember the day when you brought him home from the shelter.” Magnus looked up at Alec with a smile. It was warm.. beautiful and loving._

_“I’m sure he secretly loves you more than me.” Alec said with a smile as he watched Magnus kissing the tiny kitten on its nose._

_“I don’t know. I can’t blame him really.. who wouldn’t love you?” Magnus asked with a smile as he put the cat down and sat down next to Alec._

_“Do you?” It only left Alec as a whisper. A very quiet one.. almost like a plea._

_“I do. I love you.” Magnus whispered before he leaned in to kiss Alec._

__

__

__

__

Alec opened his eyes, he felt his body shaking. His cheeks wet as the tears rolled down, unstoppable. 

“He loves me.. he loves me when I’m unlovable..” 

“Alec..Alec can you hear me?” Someone was talking but Alec couldn’t open his eyes to look at her. 

“I’m unlovable..but he loves me..” He whispered before everything went black again. 

_“Alexander! I thought you never come home. It’s late. What took you so long?” Magnus asked as he walked towards Alec. He didn’t have make up on, he was wearing a silky pyjama. His hair was let down it looked soft and shiny._

_“I.. This isn’t real.”_

_“What is not real?” Magnus asked as he stopped in front of Alec._

_“This. This place. You. Us.. it isn’t real.” Alec said again. He sounded hurt and tired._

_“Of course it is real darling. We are at home. In our home..” Magnus said and now it was his turn to sound sad and hurt._

_Alec just shook his head and tried to take a step back to get away from the man. He needed to get away from him._

_“Alexander please..” Magnus said in a way that broke Alec’s heart but he couldn’t.. he didn’t._

“This isn’t real.. this isn’t real..” Alec muttered. 

“Alec? Alec are you awake?” 

“This isn’t real.. we aren’t real..” 

“He is hallucinating from the sedatives.” Someone said and Alec couldn’t identify the voice, it was the woman from earlier. He wanted to tell her that he knows..that he is aware.. but before he could open his mouth he was gone again. 

_“You are back.” Magnus said as he raised his head. They were both sitting next to each other on the bed._

_The sun was peaking through the window, covering everything in bright light._

_“You don’t want to talk about it..” Magnus spoke again, Alec wasn’t sure if the man was asking him or making a statement._

_“There is nothing to talk about.” He said as he looked down at his hands. He didn’t want to look at the other man._

_“Really?”_

_“Really.. this whole thing.. it’s in my head. We don’t live together. We don’t have a flat of our own. We don’t have a cat.. I’m not a CEO.. I don’t have all of these.. I don’t have you..” Alec looked up, he could feel the tears in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than this whole thing to be true..to be real. But deep down he knew it wasn’t and he didn’t want to lie to himself._

_“You are right Alexander..” Magnus said and Alec saw the tears in his eyes, the sadness in his voice._

_“We don’t have this.. we don’t have a house or a cat..but we could.” Magnus said, his voice hopeful, almost begging._

_“No.. not anymore.”_

_“Maybe in a different life.. we could’ve have.” Magnus’ voice was broken.. he seemed so defeated.._

_“I wish it was real.. I wish we could have it all..” Alec felt the pain in his chest.. the emptiness.. the yearning._

_“If we would have met.. under different circumstances.. I would have taken you on a date. We could have went for a walk.. got ice cream.. we could’ve have that phase.. when we text each other day and night.. sneaking out during work for a quick call.. not letting our phones out of sight in case there is a new text coming..we could’ve have walk..holding hands like others.. we could’ve have kiss at the end of our first date.. and then maybe.. this all..could have been real one day.” Magnus said as he looked around in their bedroom, spotting a picture frame on the top of their drawers.. the two of them smiling in the camera..happily..in love with each other._

_“How can.. losing something I never had.. hurt so much?” Alec stared into the space in front of him, eyes unfocused._

_“When you lose something.. that you used to have.. the memories that hurt.. the memories of having it.. it hurts to remember how you felt, what it was like.. but when you desperately want to have something.. and you end up never having it.. what really hurts.. is the knowledge..that the one thing you want more than anything..will never be yours. No matter how hard you try.. no matter what you do.. you will never have it. Waking up each day..with that emptiness..with that yearning is what hurts. The thought of what it could be like having it.but never actually experiencing it.”_

_“It hurts Magnus.. it hurts so much..” Alec said as he looked at the other man.. his vision went blurry from the tears._

__“I know my love..I know..”_ _

__

__

The loft was gone. The bedroom was gone. Magnus was gone. 

“It hurts..” He whispered as he tried to swallow back sob. 

“You’re awake. Does it hurt? Where?” An unfamiliar voice asked. 

“It hurts so much..”

***

Alec wasn’t sure how long he was unconscious for. 

The dreams eventually stopped, and he wasn’t hallucinating anymore. 

He wished he would have a memory loss, but he remembered everything. He remembered Underhill, Jonathan and Magnus. He remembered the older man’s words in the bathroom, and he remembered the beating. 

He spent over two weeks in the infirmary. There wasn’t much they could do to his ribs apart from resting. His injuries were bad but not life threating. First, they were afraid that he had a punctured lung, but he was lucky. 

_Lucky_ If luck would rain pussies Alec was sure he would get hit by a dick. He was fucking miles away from being lucky. 

“You will be discharged today. Considering that we can’t treat your injuries due to their nature.. it’s the best if we let you go back. You will of course need to rest a lot and you can’t do any physical activities that could worsen it, by that I mean no sports.. no heavy lifting, no sexual intercourse, no smoking.” Dr Rollins kept going on with the list and Alec nodded, showing that he understands. 

To be honest the woman lost him when she mentioned that Alec is going back today. He wasn’t prepared to face them. To face prison again. He was sure everyone knew about what happened. 

Ragnor questioned him about the attack but Alec didn’t say anything. He couldn’t lie saying that it was an accident so he decided to shut his mouth. 

They clearly underestimated Jonathan. The man came with a fucking tank against them and crushed them without a heartbeat. 

“You got relocated. Obviously. There have been some changes in general. The governor decided to move everyone around. You will be in unit 1 with… Santiago, Blackthorn, Alaric. You are one man down for the time being.” Ragnor said as he looked up from his notes. 

Alec just nodded. He will be in a unit with Raphael. A few days ago, that news would have make him happy, now it made him nervous. 

He looked in the mirror. His hair was messier than usual, he was pale. His cheekbone was still purple from the punches, there were enormous circles under his eyes. He looked terrible. He closed his eyes, not being able to face himself. 

He felt broken inside out. He felt empty. He was all alone. Again. 

***

He walked with his head down. He didn’t want to look at anyone. 

He shut his door as soon as he got into his new room but before he could have get to his bed his door opened and Raphael marched in. 

Alec looked at him as he clenched his jaws. He wanted to talk to him but Magnus’ words echoed in his head. 

“He trusted you. He trusted you and you fucking betrayed him. You fucked him over just like her. You are just like Camille.” Raphael spat it towards Alec. 

“Are you done?” Alec asked. His whole body tensed as he listened to the boy. 

“Yea…we are Lightwood.” Raphael said and Alec tried to ignore the emptiness that got a tiny bit bigger as he watched the boy slamming the door behind himself.


	23. You gave me hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linkin park - in the end (tommee proffit version)
> 
>  
> 
> I promised you it was coming, now didn't I? :)

Alec couldn’t remember the last time he had a nightmare. A real, soul killing one, when he would wake up covered in cold sweat, shaking and panting.

It’s been going on for days now. Every time he woke up, feeling like he can’t breathe, like he is about to suffocate. 

It was another night. He stared into the emptiness. He felt the familiar pressure in his chest, the lump in his throat that stopped the air to reach his lungs. His eyes were burning from tiredness and the tears he tried so hard to hold back. 

He felt broken. He wanted someone to comfort him. To tell him reassuring lies that it’s okay, that it will be alright. Someone to tell him that he isn’t dying inside with each passing day. 

He watched as people moved around him during the day, the way they went on with their lives. 

He watched as people talked, laughed.. lived. 

He hasn’t seen Underhill. He didn’t know where he was, and he wasn’t really in the position where he could just ask someone about it. 

He, however, saw Magnus. The man was showing no sign of suffering. He looked the same as before. 

He joked with others, talked to them. He smiled. 

Alec desperately wanted to believe that seeing the man so unaffected wasn’t real. That he wasn’t really over it, that he wasn’t done with him. 

He didn’t try to talk to him. He respected him enough to do as he was asked. Despite the constant urge to walk over to him and tell him how sorry he felt, how terrible he felt, he never did. 

He was afraid. Not afraid of his anger. Afraid that he wouldn’t care. Afraid to realise that maybe they were really over. Afraid that he might have really lost him. 

He remembered the time when they first faced each other after he was out of the medical room. 

He remembered as they looked at each other from the two opposite ends of the corridor. 

He remembered the way their eyes met. 

Magnus looked taken aback by the sight of him. His eyes widened and for a moment, Alec thought the man would approach him.. but it was gone with an instant. 

Magnus just turned around and walked away. 

***

He looked around quickly when he stepped out to the yard. He saw Jonathan as he played football. Alec clenched his hand into a fist before taking a deep breath. He was here to calm down not to piss himself off even more. 

Magnus was standing with Raphael near the wall, by the look of it they were arguing about something. 

He headed towards a tree, wanting to sit down and not think for a few minutes. Just to be in piece. 

He suddenly heard something flying towards him in the air. His reflexes could have helped him if he wouldn’t have been lost so deep in his thoughts. 

The ball hit his side, and he saw starts from the sudden pain. His vision blurred as he teared up. If his ribs did any healing, now they were all fucked. 

Despite his desperate efforts, his legs gave in and he fell onto his knees as the pain throbbed fiercely. 

“Jonathan, Alderte, Marshall, Raj.. into my office! Now!” He heard Lewis as he shouted in anger. 

He squeezed his eyes and bit into his lips as he tried to stop his body from shaking. 

He felt a hand gently grabbing his arm, pulling him up from the ground. 

He didn’t have to open his eyes to know who helped him, he would recognise that cologne anywhere. 

***

They were all in the laundry room doing their work. Someone mentioned a storm coming up later on so they were sort of expecting an early end to their shift, however it didn’t mean they could sit on their asses doing fuck all. 

Magnus was heading towards the lift, presumably to bring up some more dirty pile of clothes. 

They didn’t speak for over a month now. 

Alec understood it and tried to respect it, but he desperately wanted to talk to the man. He felt like it will consume him if he doesn’t get a chance to explain it. So, before he could change his mind he quickly rushed after the other man. 

“Wait. I’ll come with you.” He said standing next to Magnus as he opened the cranky old doors. They were rusty and gave out some high-pitched noise as he pulled them open. It sounded like someone scratching a chalkboard with a fork.. 

“I manage.” Magnus said without sparing a look towards Alec. 

“I know you do. But still.” He said. Go hard or go home. He wasn’t backing off. 

Magnus ignored him as Alec stepped into the old lift and closed the doors. 

He pressed the button for the ground floor before the other one could change his mind and with some shake the lift started to sink. 

He didn’t know what to say even though he planned it beforehand. A hundred times at least, but now given the chance and opportunity he couldn’t find the right words. 

He nervously licked his dry lips to start talking when the lift suddenly stopped with a loud thud. They couldn’t be down yet. 

He looked at Magnus who was starring at the double door as he could make it magically open. 

“What’s happening?” Alec asked after a few seconds. 

“I thought I made myself clear the last time. I don’t want to talk to you.” He said but then after a few moments he replied. 

“I know as much as you do. But I assume the storm got here and it cut out the power.” Magnus said closing his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. 

“I told them for years now. This lift is a fucking death trap.” He added, looking annoyed and irritated as he took a deep breath. 

“So, what are we gonna do now?” Alec asked as he started frenetically pressing the buttons, ignoring Magnus’ reminder about their agreement. 

“We wait and hope that the electricity will be back soon, then I will demand a double Frappuccino from them for risking my life.” He said and Alec shoot him a disbelieving look. How could he be joking even right now? 

“This is brilliant. Fucking brilliant.” He grumbled as he slid down along the wall to take a seat. 

Magnus followed him and now they were sitting next to each other witch so much space between them that an elephant could have easily fit in there. 

They were sitting in silence for what felt like hours, but Alec knew it’s been minutes at the most. 

“I’m sorry.” He said as he cleared his throat. 

“I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk..” Magnus said not opening his eyes, clearly stating each word. 

“Well, too bad you can’t do anything about it.” Magnus tilted his head and looked at Alec with a sharp look. A wise man would have decided to shut up, but Alec was already over that. 

He respected his decision and avoided him for weeks but now it was time to talk, even if it was one sided. 

“Look, all I want is you to listen. You don’t have to talk. Just hear me out.” He said licking his lips again. He saw the other man starring at him without a blink and it made him even more nervous than he already was, which in his current state was an impressive achievement. 

He waited for a couple of seconds, but Magnus didn’t say anything, so he took it that he is willing to listen. 

_Now or never._

“I’m sorry what happened that day. I didn’t want any of it. I tried to warn you in the canteen, but I didn’t have the chance. It was planned carefully. No one apart from my unit knew about it. I couldn’t just go to you and tell you about it. Jonathan would have known that I was a traitor. He probably would have killed me. Damn, he would have killed Underhill too. 

What he did to him.. it was horrible. Evil. Sick. But my hands were trapped. You saw yourself, I didn’t want to hurt him. You have to know how much I hated myself for not being able to do something. I know it was my fault just as much as Jonathan’s, but you have to trust me when I say I didn’t want any of that to happen.” His words became more and more rushed, he was panicking and breathing fast. The guilt was killing him, and he felt sick by just thinking back to that day. 

“I’m not mad at you for what happened. I’m well aware that you were a victim of Jonathan’s sick game just like me and Underhill.” Magnus said as he looked at him. 

“It was unfortunate but inevitable and I don’t blame you for any of it. And neither does Underhill.” He added. 

“Then what are you mad about?” Alec asked confused. He was 100% sure that the man blamed him for everything and that he was sick of him for what he did. He looked at Magnus and almost cringed as he looked into his eyes. Magnus was furious, fire in his eyes. 

“Are you for real?” He shouted looking Alec in shock. “Are you fucking kidding me? What sort of fucked up game are you playing?!” He said vehemently as he jumped on his feet. Alec got up as well looking at Magnus still having no clue what could make the other man this mad if not what he did to Underhill. 

“No Magnus. I’m not playing anything. I have no idea what you are talking about. I don’t know what I did.” He hoped the other man saw that he was genuine. He can hope for a bit longer. 

Magnus suddenly pushed him, and his back hit the hard wall and he let out a small whimper. He wasn’t prepared for the sudden attack. 

“Do you want to know what you did?!” He shouted into his face and Alec wanted to close his eyes, not being able to bare the other man’s gaze. 

“You gave me hope!” Magnus shouted again and Alec gasped in shock. He didn’t have much time to digest the information too long as Magnus kept going. 

“You gave me hope Alexander! You made me believe that there is something more to this life. That it isn’t over, and I fucking believed it. I was naïve enough to believe that I found something special that is worth it. That there will be something waiting for me once I get out of this hell hole! I believed that I have something to fight for. I believed that it’s worth to get up in the morning. That once I get out of here maybe..just maybe someone will be there for me. That someone will be waiting for me. I was fucking stupid to think even just for one second that I’m worth it. That I’m good enough. That I matter to someone. That there is someone who can really accept me the way I am, with all my flaws and mistakes. I was stupid to fall in love with you and even a bigger idiot to think that you could possibly love me too!” 

Alec wanted to tell him that he does. 

That he is worth it. 

That he is more than good enough. 

_That he is perfect._

That he will be there every day waiting for him. 

That he will be standing at the front doors, waiting for him to step out into the real world. 

He wanted to tell him that he is all he ever wanted. 

He wanted to tell him that he _loves_ him too with all his heart… but he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t because in the next moment the lights came back on and the lift started to move upwards and soon enough the doors were pulled open to reveal four worried faces belonging to Raphael, Catarina, Ragnor and Simon.


	24. Malec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruelle - Fire meets fate
> 
> Thank you very much for TheUsagi1995 for helping to make this chapter to be az amazing as it turned out to be. Smooth right?  
> Without you I would be still sitting here, feeling like something is missing but unable to find it. 
> 
> <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right.  
> As you guys know I don’t usually tend to.. talk much. But I thought there is something I need to tell you.  
> A part of me somehow intrigued to see how.. easily you can miss out on things and get a completely wrong conclusion.  
> On the other side, I feel that you tend to get upset over your own conclusions? Maybe? Maybe not?  
> With this chapter I want to remind you guys that everything..happens for a reason.  
> I spend hours and days..and even weeks, building up this story, carefully planning everything to make the plot and the whole story bloody amazing. As amazing as I can.  
> You might think that I am some superhero, because I bring three chapters in a week, but truth to be told, I had some of these chapters done before I even had the second chapter done.  
> I don’t write my chapters in order.  
> I had the very last chapter of this story completed weeks ago. Yet, there are chapters along the way that needs to be planned and written so they can all work out to be a whole story.  
> Be patient. There is almost no chapter when people wouldn’t ask about the reason behind the two main characters being in prison. No matter, how many times someone asks me that question I won’t answer.  
> Not because I’m rude or ignorant but because you will see it sooner or later and asking it makes me feel pressured and it makes no good for any of us. You get upset because I don’t answer, I get upset because I feel like, instead of enjoying the chapter, you focus on, currently, irrelevant things.  
> Also, I know my chapters are not the longest ones, but loads of things happen and if you keep focusing on only 300 words out of the 2000… you will miss things..things that are vital for the plot. Eg. The girlfriend issue. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to offend anyone whatsoever, I just don’t want people to miss out on things and end up not enjoying the story. :)  
> You might have realised that I like to write this story pretty simplified, there are no irrelevant parts, no unnecessary blahblah.  
> Keep that in mind x  
> LOVE YOU ALL 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy.

“Are you guys okay?” Simon asked them and Alec wanted to say that no he isn’t. He isn’t okay. But Magnus was quicker.

“We are good.” Magnus’ voice was cold and the emotions from his voice and face was erased. 

Alec just looked at him, still absolutely shocked from the man’s previous confession. He felt like he was under some spell. His brain wasn’t working, wasn’t registering what was happening around him. 

He heard Magnus’ voice in his head on repeat. The pain in his voice. The raw emotions on his face as his mask fell off. 

It was a bit déjà vu. He remembered their time when Magnus pushed him away and Alec let him. He promised himself that time that he won’t let him to do it again. 

He had two options. He could have just walk away from it all. He could have let him go. He could have just given up. It would have been so easy to end it. 

Or he could fight. Fight for Magnus. Fight for himself. Fight for happiness. 

***

They all had to go back into their units until the storm was over. Alec decided to look for Magnus once the lock down was over. They had to speak. 

It only lasted for 2 hours. Ragnor came back and let them know that they are free to leave their units. 

Alec got up to leave but Ragnor stopped him and handed him a letter. It was from Izzy. She thanked him for his birthday wish and assured him that they are all good. Alec was happy that his sister acted totally normal. Like nothing has happened, like they didn’t go months without talking. Like he wasn’t in prison. 

_There are three types of love big brother.._

_The first one is the kind I experience all the time.. the ones that are end easily over stupid things, pointless fights. When you think it’s so much, so intense that it will consume you, but eventually it burns out within weeks or months and you slowly grow apart.. forget each other.. You might think that it isn’t love, but for you, while it lasts.. it is love._

_The second one is the hardest. You get hurt, you get betrayed, played with, broken..but it helps you to grow. To realise what you want in a relationship and what you don’t. It makes you cautious , a bit less naïve and more careful when it comes to let people in. It always ends and you might think it hurts so much at that time that you won’t survive, but you do. You will eventually learn to love again._

_And the third one is the real one. The one that really consumes you. It comes out of the fucking blue, so unexpectedly that no matter how strong your walls are, how hard you try to not let him in, how much you want your heart not to be affected, you are not the one in control. You don’t have your say.. it just swipes you off your feet, shakes your whole world.. but it’s like nothing else. If you let it happen.. it’s the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to you._

_I don’t know Magnus, but I know you. I know how much you are capable to love. How important the people you love are to you. And if you think Magnus is important to you.. then I’m more than sure you are in love with him. It could be the first type of love, could be the second even.. but if you are asking me.. I think you are in love Alec, for real and no matter how scared you are to admit it, how afraid you are that it won’t last, if you let him go without trying.. it could well end up be the biggest regret in your life. So, go fight for it, fight for him, fight for yourself. Don’t spend the rest of your life, wondering about what ifs. Because even if it doesn’t end up to be forever.. at least it happened._

_PS. Magnus sent me a letter. He asked about Max. I didn’t answer him. Max is good. He got transferred to his college’s sister school in Europe. He will finish his last two years in Italy. Is everything okay?_

_He also asked about someone called Camille. He said you knew her. Who is Camille?_

_I love you_

_Izzy_

Alec read the letter once and then again. He held it tightly in his hand as he thought about his sister’s words. He could see her sister’s smile in front of his eyes, could hear her voice gently talking some sense into him. 

He loved Magnus. He knew he did. He knew it wasn’t the first type of love nor the second one. He knew it was complicated and had its ups and downs, but he knew it was real. It wasn’t just a thing that would only last for a while. He knew it wasn’t ugly either despite all the things that happened along the way. It wasn’t abusive, it wasn’t destructive. It was real. It was precious. 

He lost so much already.. he let Jonathan to manipulate him for months.. knowing that Max was safe the entire time and Jonathan can’t hurt him.. 

The last part confused Alec. He sat there, holding his breath back while he read those final sentences over and over again. His brain working hard to catch up with the words. The black letters burnt his eyes, screamed to him but he felt so deaf and blind in that moment. He saw the lines almost smiling at him with a smirk, playing with him, teasing him, laughing into his face. 

It just made no sen- 

_Camille_

Realisation hit Alec so hard he almost dropped the letter as if it was burning his body and soul. 

He finally put the pieces together and he felt like an idiot for not realising it any sooner. 

Camille.. the woman who crashed, destroyed and broke Magnus in a way that left him with nothing but pain, trust issues and a broken heart was the same Camille who almost killed Alec himself. 

The woman who was overdressed for a prison in her tight dress, crimson red lipstick and high heels was her. 

Alec jumped up from his bed, tossing the letter to the side. He made his decision. 

That woman took so much from Magnus. He won’t let her to hurt Magnus ever again. He lost so much already. He won’t lose him. Not now. Not ever. 

_***_

_  
_

He went straight outside to the yard. He knew they would be sitting there, since the weather was getting better, and everyone liked to use the chance to spend some time out in the fresh air. 

When he pushed the main doors open, he saw as Jonathan and his gang sat at their table, he saw other groups playing card games, he saw a couple of guys playing basketball, others working out. He also saw as Magnus sat with Raphael and the rest of the guys including Underhill, talking away. No one spotted him so far. 

He took a deep breath, knowing that what he is about to do will change everything. He could turn around and go inside, like nothing happened, but he knew that he would regret it… and he was done with making decisions that he constantly regrets. 

He walked towards their group with confidence, ignoring all the looks he got from the other inmates as they watched him making his way to Magnus’ table. 

Raphael spotted him straight away and jumped off the table along with Magnus and started to walk towards him. He saw Raphael’s expression turning angry as they got closer and closer to each other. 

He locked his gaze on Magnus and saw the confusion on the older man’s face. 

“Lightwood, what are you do-“ 

“Enough.” Alec said not looking at the boy as he passed him, he kept his attention on Magnus as he got closer and closer to the man. 

Raphael watched the whole scene in shock along with everyone else on the yard, including Catarina, Simon and Ragnor as they were on duty outside. 

Alec stopped in front of Magnus, looking into his eyes, giving a last chance for the man. 

When Magnus didn’t move, Alec grabbed him by his t-shirt and pulled him into a kiss. 

He kissed him in front of everyone, in the middle of the yard, not giving a fuck about what anyone thought. 

All he cared about was the man in front of him. 

They slowly parted, Alec still holding onto Magnus. 

“You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are what I always wanted...I didn’t know _your_ Camille was Camille Belcourt. She was the one who brought me the drug. I only saw her once after Jonathan forced me to write her name down for the visitation. I swear..” He whispered as he looked at the other man. 

Magnus didn’t respond, didn’t move for a second just looked into his eyes before he moved his hand behind Alec’s head to pull him back down for another kiss. 

***

Alec had no idea when or how they ended up in his room. 

Magnus was kissing him hard, full of tongue and teeth. It wasn’t gentle or loving. It was primal, carnal and vehement. 

He tried to caress his face, to hug him but Magnus wasn’t having any of it. He pushed him to the wall, Alec head hitting the hard surface. He hissed from the sudden pain but if Magnus realised it, he didn’t seem to care. Alec got more and more aroused as the man nibbled on his neck, the way he grabbed his hip to pull him closer. 

He felt Magnus biting his lip before pushing his tongue into his mouth. Magnus pushed his arms up, pinning them to the wall next to his head. 

He felt the man kicking his leg apart before he buried himself between them. He felt as he rubbed their erect members together, the layers of clothing giving that slight friction which made Alec to moan into the kiss. 

Alec could tell that it was more like to be an angry fuck rather than a love making. 

Magnus pulled away and grabbed him to turn him around before pushing Alec back to the wall. 

He pressed his face to the cold wall as Magnus hugged him from behind, his hand disappearing in Alec’s trousers. 

He felt the long fingers clutching onto his dick. Magnus wasn’t taking his time, he started to move his hand up and down in a quick rhythm with slightly more pressure than usual. 

He withdrawn his hand after a few moments and stepped away from Alec. He was hardly standing on his legs as he turned around to face the man. His lips were kiss swollen and red. 

Magnus looked him in the eye as he pulled down his trousers along with his underwear. 

Alec stepped closer to Magnus and raised his hands to cup his face, gently kissing him. 

His closed eyes popped open as he felt Magnus grabbing his hair, pulling it. 

“Stop playing.” He said before crushing their lips together again. It was rough and rushed and Alec found it hard to keep up. 

Alec pulled away before he got on his knees in front of the man. 

Magnus’ eyes were burning with lust as he looked down at Alec through his lashes. 

Alec licked his lips before taking Magnus’ cock into his hand. 

He wanted to kiss it from the base to the top. He wanted to suck it gently, going inch by inch but he knew that’s not what Magnus wanted. 

Instead he took him into his mouth, swallowing it all the way, not stopping until his nose touched the bottom of his abdomen. He kept it there for a few seconds as he heard Magnus’ groan with pleasure. 

He felt his hand in his hair, fingers tugging on the black locks. 

He pulled back until only the head of his cock was in his mouth before he went back all the way down again. 

He bobbed his head as he sucked him off. 

He felt the salty taste of precum on his tongue when Magnus suddenly grabbed his hair and pulled him off completely. 

“Get on the bed.” He gritted through his teeth and Alec obeyed eagerly. He took his clothes off before laying down on the bed. 

Magnus threw his own t-shirt down to the floor before sitting on top of Alec. 

He kissed him hard again while his hands explored his torso. Alec moaned as he felt the man’s nails scratching his skin. 

Magnus was kissing his neck, biting and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving marks all over. Alec was losing his mind and all he could think was about getting into Magnus as soon as possible. 

“I want to fuck you.” Magnus’ voice was low and deep as he basically growled into Alec’s ears. 

Alec’s heart left out a beat as the words sank in. 

Magnus got up and get the bottle of body lotion out before turning back to Alec. 

“How do you like it? You want to turn around?” Magnus’ voice was shaking, and Alec could see how aroused the man was. 

He tried to swallow, his mouth felt dry. 

“I.. I.. It’s okay like this. I want to see you.” His voice only came out as a whisper. 

Magnus frowned for a second before he positioned himself on top of Alec again. 

He pushed Alec legs apart, trying to make more space for himself between them. 

Alec pulled Magnus for a kiss when felt a finger touching the sensitive skin. 

He squeezed his eyes shot as he felt Magnus pushing in, he was a lot quicker than what Alec hoped for. He could feel his whole body freezing from the intrusion. 

Magnus suddenly tensed for a moment before he withdrawn his finger and his kisses became gentle, his touches more careful. 

Alec couldn’t enjoy it first. It was very uncomfortable and oddly sore. 

“Relax Alexander..” Magnus whispered to him and Alec tried his best to relax his muscles around Magnus’ finger. 

He worked slowly to open up Alec, taking his time with one finger before slowly and gently adding a second one. 

By the time he added the second finger the pain and discomfort were more or less gone, and Alec started to enjoy as Magnus’ moved his fingers in and out. 

Magnus soon pressed in a third finger which made Alec to tense up again. He felt full, too full suddenly. He got comfortable with two fingers but three seemed too much to handle. 

Magnus was kissing him senseless, murmuring sweet things into his ears, the man’s hot breath on his skin sent shiver down his spine. 

It didn’t take long for Alec to relax again and he found himself moaning in pleasure with each thrust. 

Suddenly Magnus hit a spot in him that made him almost scream out in pleasure. He bit into his lip fiercely as Magnus aimed for that spot again and again. 

Alec’s dick throbbed hard between their bodies and he desperately wanted to touch himself to take the edge off. As if Magnus read in his mind, he pulled his fingers out and gently stroked Alec’s dick. 

Alec tilted his head back with a relieved sigh. The grip was perfect, the pace was perfect. Magnus was perfect. 

Alec felt Magnus positioning himself to his entrance. 

“God.. Alexander..” Magnus moaned as he pushed in. 

“Slow. Go slow.” Alec let out a shaky whimper, he felt his muscles tensing again as the pain throbbed through his body. He didn’t know whether to push Magnus away or just grab him to stay still. 

Magnus’ eyes flared open as he looked down onto Alec. 

Alec could feel the wetness on his cheek. 

“Oh my god.. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Magnus’ voice was shaking as he was about to pull away. 

Alec grabbed his face and pulled him down into a kiss. He was gentle and slow. His tongue slowly moved along with Magnus’ as they kissed. He wanted the man so much he couldn’t put it down into words. 

It took him a minute before he felt his body finally adjusting to Magnus. 

He slowly rolled his hips with a smile making Magnus to growl. 

“You are so tight..” Magnus whispered as he slowly started to move. 

Alec grabbed his shoulders as their bodies became one with each thrust. 

Magnus started his thrusts slow but soon enough he picked up a quicker space. 

Alec buried his fingers in his hair as he felt Magnus hitting his prostate with one deep thrust. 

He choked on his moan as he threw his head back, moving his hips to meet with Magnus hard thrusts. 

He constantly fell out of rhythm; it was too great to let him control his body. 

He gave over to Magnus, letting him to chase the pleasure for both of them. 

Their moves became more and more erratic. Alec could feel the pleasure building up, he was close. His fingers tightened around Magnus’ arm, nails biting into the skin when he came between them, covering their stomachs with his seeds. 

Magnus growled as Alec clenched his muscles around him. He came after a few thrusts, dropping his forehead onto Alec’s chest. 

They couldn’t hear anything else apart from their loud, uneven breaths. 

“God Alexander.. that was.. it was..” Magnus seemed to be unable to find the right words as he pushed himself up and slid out from Alec. 

Alec let out a small cry as Magnus pulled out. 

“Alexander..” Magnus gasped as he spotted something he wasn’t expecting to see. 

“Wha..What’s wrong?” Alec panted as he tried to see what caught Magnus attention. 

“Did I hurt you?” Magnus asked with his voice full of concern. 

“Why would you-“ Alec spotted some blood and he felt extremely vulnerable at that moment. 

“When was the last time you let someone to..?” Magnus trailed off tentatively. 

Alec clenched his jaws as he looked into Magnus’ eyes. 

“You.. You have never..” Magnus looked shocked as realisation hit him. 

“No. I haven’t.” Alec said quietly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you… I got carried away.. I wasn’t gentle..this isn’t what someone’s first time should be.” Magnus look startled and angry at himself. Alec felt terrible watching the man’s reaction. 

“Hey.. hey.. I wanted it.” Alec said as he sat up to smooth him quickly, ignoring the soreness that jolted through his whole body with the sudden move. 

“You wanted someone to treat you like this for the first time?” Magnus’s voice was disbelieving. 

“I wanted it with you.” Alec said as he cupped the man’s face between his two hands and forced him to look into his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry.. I..” Magnus choked on the words and Alec hated him seeing so broken. 

“Sshhh. Its okay. You did nothing wrong.” Alec whispered as he leaned in to peck the man’s lips gently over and over again. 

“I am not like him.. I’m not like him.” Magnus kept repeating in a haze. 

Alec had no idea what was happening. Seeing the man in such a panic state caught him off guard. 

“When you’re saying you are not like him… you mean.. Jonathan? How could you ever think that you and that monster-“ 

“When I first got in here, Jonathan said that he and I were similar. What he did to Underhill was..” Magnus’ voice faded, the memory came crushing down on both of them, so raw that it downed everything else. 

“Magnus.. it’s okay. I’m okay. He is nothing like you. He is nowhere near you.” Alec whispered as he gently caressed Magnus’ face. 

“And when I saw you-“ Magnus shut his eyes closed as he stopped abruptly, shaking his head as if he wanted to shake out even the thought of it. 

“I could never hurt you. And if I have, in any way-“ 

This time, it was Alec who stopped the flow of Magnus’ words. 

“I wanted this. I want this. I want you. For now, and for as long as I can.” 

“In here.” The words only left Magnus’ lips as a whisper, trembling and vulnerable. 

Alec raised his hands and gently cupped Magnus’ face, looking into his eyes before speaking. 

“In here. Out there. _Everywhere_.” He dared to confess, kissing Magnus with everything he had.


	25. Relationships take effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam Tinnesz - even if it hurts (for the last part)
> 
> xx

“I think we should talk.” Magnus said after a wee while. They were both lying on the bed, dressed up, snuggled up with each other. It was perfect, something Alec desperately yearned for and he knew Magnus was the same.

“I am sorry.” Magnus said looking at Alec and Alec saw the expression of guilt, regret and genuine sadness in his eyes. 

“I am sorry..for lashing out and..for pushing you away. I.. I just..” Magnus seemed to be unable to find the words he was after but Alec just waited patiently. He didn’t want to put the words into the man’s mouth and he knew the man needs this to get the weight of his chest. 

“After the whole thing in the canteen. I went to see Ragnor. I was very…I felt very helpless. I knew something was wrong and the fact we couldn’t talk about it because Jonathan was threating you with your little brother was just not on. So, I went to him and requested him for your visitor’s list so I can send your sister a letter to.. I don’t know.. find out if he was in danger or anything, I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking clear but anyway. I got the list and that’s when I spotted it.. her name. Thinking back now, it was obvious, there were only three names on your list, two of those were your siblings. It should have struck me that she must have been the one whom Jonathan set you up with, but seeing her name…and thinking about you and.. us.. “ He trailed off, clearly finding it hard to talk about it and Alec waited patently. 

“I hate to admit, that after all those years she can still get into my head, she can still fuck with my mind..my first thought was that she.. fuck I don’t know even know. That maybe it was all a plan or something. To break me again..and..i got scared. Because I was falling for you so bad..and now it turns out that it might have not been real at all.. just a game.” His voice became trembling and Alec saw his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed back a sob. He needed all his strength not to touch the man, not to pull him into a hug, to comfort him. 

“I was angry…scratch that.. I was so fucking pissed.. then I saw you and Underhill heading towards the yard. I wanted to ask you, I wanted to confront you about it…but then those two fuckers showed up and they dragged me into the greenhouse..i don’t know if I was originally part of the plan or I was literally at the wrong place at the wrong time but I ended up there anyway. 

Then.. all that in the green house..” Magnus buried his face in his hands with a long sigh and he suddenly looked very old and very tired. 

“You wanted to ask me about it.. you wanted to talk about it.. but after what happened you didn’t. So afterall..you did blame me.” Alec’s voice was cold and as much as he wanted to hide it he felt hurt and angry and..dissapointed. 

“No..” Alec’s eyes widened as he looked at the man. Magnus was crying. Tears rolled down onto his cheek, he sobbed as he tilted his head, looking down at his hands. His shoulders were shaking as he tried to breath evenly through the sobs. 

“I… I was weak. I.. I was..coward. I was so scared that what if this all was just an act, a well planned revenge for god knows what.. that I thought if.. if I just end it all.. it wont hurt. If I don’t find out the truth.. then I don’t have to face it. 

I pushed you away because I was afraid to get hurt.. to get my heart broke again.. and what happened that night was a legitimate reason to do so. You would have either think that I blamed you for what happened or that I thought you had a girlfriend.. but either way.. it would have been over and I would have not have to face the truth.” Magnus through sobs and deep inhales. 

Alec saw red. His head felt heavy with the sudden anger and rage that was throbbing through every fibre of his body. 

“Well..congrats in order, your planned work. Because I did Magnus. I did blame myself for what happened to Underhill for weeks and I still do. I feel guilty for him getting hurt and you getting dragged in. I felt disgusted with myself. You broke me that night in the toilet..and I blamed myself for it. I let Jonathan to beat me till I was barely breathing just to numb the pain. Just to feel anything else..apart from the emptiness that you left behind when you gave up on me. I was lying in the fucking infirmary for weeks..closed in with my own demons. I saw your face in front of me..heard your voice saying that I’m dead to you every time I closed my eyes. _Every. Fucking. Time._ For days..for weeks. And all because what? Your ex still has an affect you? Or because you thought it will be easier for you? Did I mean anything to you? How could you just.. threw me away.. sacrifice me..just so you don’t get hurt? That is so selfish.. so… I.. I don’t even know what to say. How could you?” Alec got up and started to pace up and down. He felt like he is about to explode. 

“I can’t fucking belive it. FUCK!” He shouted in anger as he punched the wall. He was shaking and panting. 

“I’m so sorry.. I am so sorry Alexander..” Magnus whispered, voice shaking. 

“I literally went through hell..and all because you didn’t trust me..after everything we went through.. you didn’t fucking trust me..” He turned towards the man. Their eyes locked and Alec didn’t know what to do. He wanted to cry and scream but instead he laughed. It was so raw and bitter it made Magnus flinch and grimace. 

“I… fuck I can’t.” Alec waved with his hand before turning away from the man. 

“I know.. I know you are mad and you have every right to be mad.. I just.. I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say in my defence. I know I made a terrible..terrible mistake when I left you.” Magnus said and he got up. Alec was just hoping the man wouldn’t approach him because right now the last thing he wanted is the man to try to comfort him. He had to calm down. 

“I need some time.. to think.” He said and turned around to walk out of the room. His hand was on the door knob when Magnus spoke up. 

“I was there.” His voice was quiet, almost afraid. 

“What?” His back was still towards Magnus as he spoke. 

“At the medical room. I didn’t visit you.. but I watched you. While you were sleeping. I.. watched you every day.” 

Alec didn’t turn around, he just walked out through the door. 

***

Alec only realised a few minutes later that he technically walked out of his own room. That sort of reminded him why he never had hook ups at his own place. Leaving from somewhere was always better than expecting someone to leave. 

He walked to the bathroom to wash his face, he hoped the cold water would magically clear his mind and help him to cool down. He was angry. Not just at Magnus but in general. 

His life has been an emotional roller coaster since he got into prison and that’s not something he was used to. His life was pretty simple, no major things have been going on, we could say his life has been eventless enough but now it just never-ending shit after shit. 

There were a few guys in the bathroom. Alec couldn’t really recognise them which meant that they were most likely the neutral ground. He nodded in general and walked to the sink to wash his face. 

He splashed the ice-cold water onto his face, drinking a few gulps before looking up into the mirror. 

Marshall was standing behind him with a smug smirk on his face. 

Alec sucked in a breath before raising an eyebrow. He didn’t know what the guy wanted but could feel in his guts that his plans to calm down were about to go sideways. 

“I thought you were just straight.. turns out you were just already fucking the other one.. what a love story.” He laughed with disgust and something snapped in Alec. He turned around and let the shit flood his mind. 

He felt the cartilage pop under his fist, he heard a crack through the faint whines.. he felt the blood on his hand, but he couldn’t stop. 

He was broken, he was hurt, he was angry, he was overwhelmed with emotions. He couldn’t control himself. He wanted to tear, wanted to break, wanted to rip.. he wanted to destroy. 

He felt how the stress and anger leaves his body in waves of relief with each punch. He felt his body untensing as his fist met with the man’s face again and again in a brutal force. 

He heard the blunt noises of people gasping and running past him to get out of the bathroom, he heard the door closing and opening in quick rhythm but he didn’t care. He was gone. 

“Alec.. Alec stop! Alec stop! You’re killing him!” The noises were coming from far and they sounded like they were coming through a filter in slow motion. 

“ALEC!!” He felt hands grabbing him, pulling him up, pushing him up on the wall, holding him steady. 

He growled as he looked down the man… _man_..hahh.. fucking bastard. 

He tried to rip his arms free when he felt a hand slapping his face. It was harsh, sudden and it sting, heat creeping into his cheek. 

He blinked a few before his eyes could successfully focus on the man in front of him. 

Magnus’ chest was raising up and down with each quick breath. He looked way too composed. His eyes were piercing Alec’s gaze, his hands were firmly grabbing his arms. 

“You need to calm down. Now!” Magnus’ voice was low, deep and commanding. 

Alec clenched his jaws as he looked at the man on the floor. Raphael threw him a towel but showed no sign of sorry for the guy. 

He looked up at Magnus, his lips were pressed into a thin line, his face like a blank canvas, not letting any emotion to slip through. 

“He fucking deserved it!” Alec spat towards the man who managed to get up by now, clumsily trying to soak up the blood. 

Magnus didn’t turn his back on Alec, but he turned his head to look behind his shoulder. 

“Get out.” He said to the man. He didn’t need to be asked twice, he flood from the scene in seconds. Raphael followed him a moment later. 

“You didn’t have to save his sorry ass. He deserved it.” Alec said with his anger coming back slowly but surely. 

“He did. And I didn’t do it for him.” Magnus said as he looked at Alec, his expression was sad and maybe disappointed. Alec shook his head. He didn’t care if he let Magnus down. Fuck him. 

“I did it for you. I didn’t want you to get into trouble. Whatever he said I’m sure he deserved it.” He said slowly, carefully choosing each word. 

“Oh, how fucking funny to hear that coming from you.” Alec laughed bitterly. 

“Excuse me?” Magnus raised an eyebrow. 

“You broke Raj’s arms after the beat me up in the workshop and now you’re telling me to play by the rules? You are a bit of a hypocrite, don’t you think?” 

“I would be, but it wasn’t me who broke his arms.” Magnus said simply. 

“What?” Alec asked, the laugh died in his throat and the smile disappeared. 

“Someone had enough of Raj’s shit. They wanted to teach him a lesson, months prior to your arrival. I said no. Then after what happened.. I gave them ten minutes of a blind eye. I have to admit I was taken aback when I saw him with two broken arms, but I could have hardly done anything about it.” Magnus shrugged as he talked, and Alec was surprised. He always thought it was Magnus who personally attacked the guy. 

“I thought it was you.” He said before he could stop himself and he tried not to dwell on the fact that his voice sounded almost questioning. 

“I don’t get my hands dirty unless I have to. I always stop physical assaults when I can, and I don’t allow people to handle things in their own ways. I respect when people follow my orders. Me letting those two guys to do what they want with him was a way to accomplish further respect and obedience from them. Try to imagine if I say them, they can’t touch him just so months later I beat him up myself. Hypocrisy, right?” Magnus tilted his head to the side and looked at Alec like parents would look at a child when they are giving him some parenting about life values. 

“So, when someone needs a reminder where they stand you let someone else to do the heavy lifting, someone who had his own issues with the person, but didn’t do anything because you didn’t allow it, knowing that whoever is the receiver, will know that your authorisation was needed, there for you get your message through plus you keep your people happy. Two birds with one stone.” 

“Pretty much.” Magnus nodded. 

It was smart but somehow made Alec think if it was a right thing. Going against fire with fire in long term would end up burning everything down around. 

“He said I didn’t.. I didn’t hurt Underhill, but not because I was straight but because I was fucking you by then.” He said and Magnus waited for a few seconds before he opened his mouth to answer. 

“Well.. he technically wasn’t wrong about the second part of that.” 

Alec thought about their first kiss, their first -proper- love making. As much as he was angry at Magnus for his..deceision, he realised that finally, there is nothing standing between them. No Jonathan, no Rey.. they could finally be happy without people wanting to kill them or trick them into games. He could play the hurt and stubborn boyfriend, but they are locked up in here anyway. They will be for years, he knew he would sooner or later forgive the man but who knows how long the piece will be steady? He would be a fool if he would give Magnus the silent treatment for weeks and then some shit quicks in as per usual and they would, yet again, have more urging problems then whose room to be in during free periods. 

“I forgive you.” Alec said before he could change his mind. 

“Come again?” Magnus asked and he frowned in confusion. It was understandable. Alec suddenly changed the topic. 

“For not giving me the chance to explain.” He said and he felt Magnus’ grasp weakening as if he wants to let Alec’s arm off. 

“Alexa-“ 

“Look. I could stay angry at you and pretend that I don’t want to see you. I am hurt, yes. I might need some time to actually clear things in my head regarding to this, but what I need the most is you. To be with you. God only knows how long we have before Jonathan gets bored or before someone decides that everything is too peaceful and nice, and they want to fuck it up. I’m sure there will be times when we can’t be with each other. I will play the hurt boyfriend then.” 

“ _Boyfriend?_ ” Magnus asked startled. 

“I see you got my point.” Alec said with an eyeroll. He tried to seem cool but was actually panicking inside. He didn’t want to make blunt assumptions about the nature of their relationship. Of course, he said before he would want to be with Magnus, but they didn’t really talk about it much. 

“I’m just saying that I don’t want to waste the time as your.. whatever I am t-“ 

Magnus crushed their lips together, pushing Alec hard to the wall. Alec’s hands travelled down to his waist, hugging it. 

“When you walked away today, oh by the way, I have to admit I might have laughed when I realised that you walked out of your own room, instead of telling me to fuck off, but I guess you didn’t realise at that time, it took me some time myself, but anyway, so when you walked out I thought that..that’s it. That’s us done. So yes.. boyfriend..I like the though of that.. very much so…” He said before leaning back for an other kiss. 

***

Alec felt the skin against his skin… he could feel the heat of the man’s body.. he could feel their heartbeats beating in synchrony. 

He felt the wet mouth trailing kisses against his neck, shoulders the hot breath tickling his skin.. 

Felt the fingertips running along his spine slowly, causing him shiver.. 

He felt the familiar heat and tightness engulfing him.. 

He heard the quiet moans erupting from the man as he moved so slowly so gently.. 

He felt the fingers pushing into his skin.. 

The pleasure building up.. 

He felt like he is going to explode.. 

His heart bursting from happiness.. 

“I heard relationships take effort.” Alec sighed between two kisses. 

“I am all for effort.” Magnus smiled at him as he whispered. _I love you_ Alec thought to himself as he leaned in for a kiss.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ehh.. gotta admit. I am not really the queen of fluff.  
> Angts are more of my game.  
> Oh well.
> 
> Love you all  
> xx

A few days have passed.

He felt like he was finally having a well-deserved holiday, after everything that happened. 

_Things were good._

He wasn’t sharing a unit with a psycho, he was working in the laundry with his friends, Jonathan backed off, he and Magnus sorted things out and promised each other that they won’t push the other away no matter what. They will talk about it. They will fight it off. Together. 

Alec had an awkward talk with Underhill and an even more awkward one with Raphael. 

“Listen Lightwood.” Raphael said one morning before they headed for breakfast. Alec sucked in his breath before letting it out. It came out a bit harsher than he intended. 

“Magnus is like a brother to me. I know him. I know what h’s like. He is a good guy. One of the best ones I’ve ever met. He deserves to be happy. I know you like him. But just remember what happened to the last person who hurt my family.” Raphael said with a very serious expression and Alec should have feel threatened, scared or even uneasy.. but all he felt was warmth. He knew the boy. He knew how much Raphael loved Magnus even if he would rather bite his own tongue off than to admit that, but coming to Alec and giving him the shitty ‘if you break my brother’s heart I will break your arm’ talk, spoke for itself. 

“I assure you; I have no intentions to hurt him. He is important to me.” Alec said as he eyed the guy. 

“I know. You are important to him too. Maybe even too much..” He only muttered the last part and Alec frowned for a moment. He wanted to ask Raphael what that means but changed his mind. 

***

Magnus and Alec were sitting outside away from others at the bottom of a tree in the grass. The weather was nice and slightly warm. 

Alec intervened their fingers as they talked. Their relationship hasn’t changed. They talked and joked with each other as before, showing no sign of affection in front of others. 

Behind the doors -or away from others- however they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Or their lips. 

They made love to each other as often as they could, and Alec felt he could never get enough. Enough of Magnus. Enough of his kisses, his touches. 

It wasn’t just sex itself he loved but their moments together. Lying in bed with his arms around him. He felt safe. He felt home. 

They also talked about anything and everything. Alec wondered if he would ever get bored, listening to Magnus. Probably not. 

_“I’m so lucky.” Alec said as he rested his head on Magnus’ shoulder._

_“And why is that?” Magnus asked. He couldn’t see the man’s face, but he knew he was smiling. He could hear it in his voice._

_“I never thought I would find someone.. someone like you.”_

_“Handsome, smart and amazing in bed?” Magnus asked mockingly._

_Alec let out a snort as he pushed himself up to settle on his elbow._

_“I always thought Jace was cocky. You are worse.”_

_“Having a healthy self-esteem is a positive trait Alexander.”_

_“I don’t know if I would call this healthy.” Alec nodded with his head towards Magnus._

_“I closed myself off to have feelings for anyone for years. Women or men. I didn’t think I would, out of all the places, find someone in here who would break down those walls of mine.” Magnus said seriously. There was nothing joking about his words now._

_“I want you to be happy.” Alec said, barely whispering._

_“And that, I am, Alexander.”_

“Alexander.. are you listening to me?” Magnus’ voice dragged him out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah.. sorry. No. What were you saying?” Alec asked as he looked down at the man who now decided to lay down and put his hand on his lap. 

“I said I have a surprise for you.” Magnus said with a smile. It was so beautiful he almost traced off again. 

“What surprise?” He asked as he shuffled with Magnus hair. Burying his fingers in the longer part, gently brushing it. 

“How would it be a surprise if I tell you?” Magnus asked frowning but Alec could see the wrinkles around his eyes, showing that he was actually smiling. 

“At least give me a hint.” 

“No. Can’t do.” Magnus said as his smile widened. 

“You are terrible.” Alec sighed as he tilted his head back to the trunk of the tree. He closed his eyes as he let the sun embrace his face, warming him up. 

“That’s why you love me right?” Magnus joked and Alec didn’t know what to say so he just hummed. 

***

“This was the worst movie of all times.” Alec said as they left the room. They weren’t allowed to watch a movie but managed to sneak in. The downside of it was the lack of mp3. Magnus managed to convince Alec, that silent movies can indeed be fun.

Alec tried to explain that moves that were meant to be silent surely can, but a comedy with jokes in it was entirely different. 

“God.. it was terrible.” Magnus agreed as he laughed. 

“Remember our first movie night?” He shyly glimpsed at the man. 

“How could I forget?” Magnus said stopping suddenly on the middle of the corridor. 

“I wanted to kiss you for so long.” 

“I wanted to kiss you from the moment I saw you in the canteen.” Magnus said with a smile as he cupped Alec’s face. 

Alec furrowed his brows in confusion. 

“Don’t tell me after all this time that you found my little game with Elias attractive.” He said. 

“What? No. You acted like dick.” Magnus said and he looked jumbled. 

“Then when? Oh, was it after the quiz day? The shower incident?” Alec asked as he remembered their almost kiss. He wanted to kiss the man so much, but under those circumstances it just seemed wrong. 

“No.” Magnus smiled but he broke the eye contact for a second as he looked down. 

“Then when?” Alec asked, more and more curious. Tried to think of any special moment they had during any meals but could not recall one. 

“On your first day, _pretty boy_.” Magnus said as he finally looked up into Alec’s eyes and he felt his heart suddenly hammering in his chest. Since the first time they met, he was drawn to the man, but he never thought that it was mutual. 

“Your cologne.. was intoxicating.” Alec confessed before crushing their lips together. 

Magnus’ hands settled on his chest before he pushed him slightly, making him walk backwards, till his back hit the wall. 

He felt Magnus’ tongue licking his lower lip and he opened up with a moan, welcoming and eager. 

“Mmmph. The..the surprise.” Magnus said as he pulled away. 

“What?” Alec sighed, his head was heavy. He tried to pull Magnus back into the kiss but the man moved away. Smirking. 

“I think you need something to cool down.” He said with a wink and grabbed Alec hand. 

They walked in silence. They were heading to Magnus’ unit. 

“So.. I might had a few favours to pull.” Magnus said as he walked into his room, signalling Alec to stay where he is. Alec raised an eyebrow. He felt like he was teased too much that day already. 

When Magnus came out his hands were behind his hack. Alec tried to peak over the man’s shoulder but he only got an unamused look in response. 

“I know it’s not much.. but..” Magnus said verily as he revealed what he was holding. 

Alec gapped, not daring to believe his eyes. 

In Magnus’ hand was, what seemed like, a cup of icecream. 

“Magnus..” He felt his smile spreading across his face, wide and happy as he stepped closer to the man. 

“Lemon and chocolate.” 

“Thank you..” Alec whispered as he looked at the man. 

***

Alec was walking back to his unit. 

He wanted to ask Raphael if he was up for a shower. He asked Magnus before leaving his unit, but he passed so he decided to ask Raphael. They hadn’t spent much time together lately. They surely talked during meal times and work but apart from that he and Magnus spent their times away from others. He missed the sarcastic, grumpy boy. 

“Santiago!” Alec shouted as he walked out from his room with his towel threw over his shoulder. 

He fidgeted with his shower gel for a few seconds before he walked to Raphael’s door. 

It was closed which only meant the man was in there. He grimaced for a second. He hoped he wouldn’t find the man in a.. private moment. He hardly wanted to open on him jerking off or something. 

“Raphael. I’m coming in.” He said as he pushed the door open with a smile still playing on his lips. 

Alec’s eyes widened in shock before he tumbled over to the man, dropping everything from his hand. 

Raphael was an absolute mess. He hardly managed to sit straight up, his arms hang around him like they were paralysed.. his head tilted to the side, eyes half closed, mouth slightly parted. 

“Raph..Raphael.” Alec was very close to freak out as he gently shook the man’s shoulders. He watched as the boy’s head tilted forward as if he was about to fall apart. 

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know what was going on. He never saw the man, or anyone for that fact, in a state like this. Acting on instinct he leaned in and sniffed the man’s breath but there was no trace of alcohol in his breath which made Alec lose the last strand of hope that maybe the man was drunk. 

He was getting more and more desperate with each passing second. He wanted to shout for help but not knowing what was happening made him stay quiet. 

“I’ll be back. One second.” He said to the boy but he truly doubted the man even acknowledged his presence. 

He quickly got up and without thinking started to run towards Magnus’ unit praying to whoever listened to him that the man would be in there. 

He practically fell into the common area, panting, face reddened. 

“Alexander..” Magnus looked worried as he jumped up from the sofa, throwing the book to the side carelessly. 

“Come.” Alec said, not wanting to waste any time with explanation. 

Magnus didn’t say a word just hurried after him. They were both tensed. Alec could hear the man’s uneven breathing. 

Alec marched into Raphael’s room with Magnus following him. 

“Fuck.” Magnus gritted through his teeth as he kneeled down to Raphael. 

He observed the man for a few seconds before he vehemently pushed up the sleeve of his T-shirt. 

Alec was knocked back by the sight in front of him. 

“He did.. he didn’t.. de he?” He muttered like some idiot, not wanting to believe his own eyes. 

“Go. Get Lewis. No one but him. Don’t talk to anyone else. Don’t stop for anything. Get him here, don’t tell him anything.” Magnus said not even looking at Alec while he got up and grabbed the towel to damp it under some cold water. 

Alec just nodded before he turned around and left with the hope that he would find Simon as quick as possible. 

He looked around on the corridor but couldn’t see the man. He cursed as he realised, he had no idea where the he could be. He headed towards the yard but Lewis wasn’t anywhere around. He was frantically looking around getting more and more distraught. 

He turned in at the corner and walked into someone. 

He let out the longest sigh of his life in relief when he realised he was about to collide with Simone himself. 

“Lightwood. Walk with your eyes open, will you?” The boy sounded grumpy, but Alec didn’t care. 

“You have to come with me.” He said bluntly, straight to the point. 

“Wha-“ 

“Can’t explain. Just come with me please.” Alec said as he walked past by the man heading back to their unit. 

He didn’t need to look behind to know that Simon was following him. 

“Right. what’s going-“ His voice died in his throat as he got to the door and looked inside.


	27. "of broken bones and bend spirits"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaymes Young - I'll be good "
> 
> Thank you for TheUsagi1995 for her godsent patience.. im sure ive been a pain in the ass but you were such a darling even after an hour of whining xx thank you dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback is in _italic_

_“I was wondering about something.” Alec said as they stood in the lift with Magnus. They were in the middle of work, going down to bring up a new load of laundry.  
_

_“Yes? What is it?” Magnus asked as he looked up at Alec, stopping picking his nail._

_“When Raphael came to me.. about Camille and all that. I was wondering.. does.. is he.. is he in love with you?” Alec asked carefully. He didn’t want to sound accusing or jealous because he really wasn’t. He was genuinely curious. He never saw anything between them but the way Raphael lashed out on him was very..extreme._

_“No. Raphael.. he is.. like a brother to me. And I’m sure that’s all I am to him.” Magnus said calmly. He chose his words as he spoke._

_“Okay.” Alec said with a nod._

_“Raphael.. he is asexual. It doesn’t mean he wouldn’t give himself hand every now and on, but has no sex drive as others. He feels no sexual desire towards others.” Magnus said and Alec looked at him for a few seconds before speaking._

__

__

_“I didn’t know.” He closed his eyes. Out of all the reactions he probably went with the lamest one._

__

__

_“Okay that was the stupidest thing I said in a while. I obviously could have not known it; the same way people can’t tell that I’m gay. It’s not like it’s written on my forehead or something. I guess I just didn’t expect it?” It was rather a question than a statement._

__

__

_“It’s okay, Alexander. He doesn’t deny it, but he doesn’t talk about it either. I guess he accepted it as a fact, but it doesn’t mean he is entirely happy with it.” Magnus said with a wave of his hand as they stepped out of the lift._

__

__

_“Does he ever been in a relationship?”_

__

__

_“Not that I’ve known of. He knew it since he was a teenager. It makes things like dating hard. You can’t really expect someone to want to date you when you know that you probably wouldn’t even feel the desire to kiss them, let alone sleep with them.”_

__

__

_“It must be hard..you know. Wanting to find love when you think that the kind of love you want isn’t existing.”_

__

__

_Magnus smirked and Alec raised his brow. He had a funny feeling that Magnus, as always, know more than what he admitted._

__

__

_“Who said it didn’t?”_

__

__

_“You are saying that he did find love but never did anything about it?”_

__

__

_“I wouldn’t say he found love. Maybe the possibility of love.” Magnus said after a few seconds of thinking._

__

__

_“So, he did find someone he is interested in, but never dated because he knew it wouldn’t work with him being.. who he is?”_

__

__

_“Yes, but not in the sense you think. He knew it wouldn’t work, but not because he is asexual, but because he is in prison.” Magnus said and he wasn’t smiling anymore. He looked sad._

__

__

_“Oh..she gave up on him?”_

__

__

_“No. But that relationship would be wrong in every level. Morally and ethically.” Magnus said cryptically, avoiding Alec’s eyes._

__

__

_“What do you mean?” Alec asked as he tried to catch the man’s gaze._

__

__

_“What is Raphael like?” Magnus asked instead answering and it caught Alec off guard for a minute._

__

__

_“He is sarcastic, grumpy and a proper dick.” Alec said honestly but not in a rude way, he like Raphael the way he was._

__

__

_“That, he is. But he is also caring for the people he loves. His sister for example. When he got in.. he was in a dark place. A very dark one. One we fought hard to get him out. He was messed up. He was closed off, not wanting to talk to anyone.” Magnus said and Alec saw the way he zoomed out, staring at a point in the air._

__

__

_“He didn’t talk to anyone. He didn’t want anyone’s help. Then one day a new boy came around. He was so.. god so..clumsy..and what your generation would call, a loser. He was really clueless as of how things worked around here, he picked up on it in real quick I might add. But whether it was because of that or something else, Raphael opened up to him. He let him in. He told him things that I don’t even know. About his past, his thoughts and feelings. I think somewhere along those lines Raphael started to feel something.. something he never felt before. Which, of course, scared him. So, he decided to put on a mask, being all sarcastic and a douche to everyone. He didn’t want to feel anything because he knew it was wrong and there is no future to it.”_

__

__

_“What happened to the guy? Did he get out?” Alec asked curiously. He couldn’t remember anyone who seemed close to Raphael apart from Magnus._

__

__

_“No. He is still here.” Magnus said with a small smile._

__

__

_“I never saw anyone with Raphael. I mean.. they seemed to hit it off the bat, why would they not talk anymore?”_

__

__

_“I’m sure they do. But just not out in the air. They have so much to lose.”_

__

__

_Alec really didn’t understand it._

__

__

_“Why?” Alec didn’t really see what two inmates could really lose, they lost their lives, their freedom._

__

__

_“Because one of them isn’t an inmate.”_

__

__

_“Who..?”_

__

__

_“Simon, Simon Lewis.”_

***

Simon didn’t hesitate for a second, he rushed to the button and slapped it hard. He also requested medics to their unit through his radio. The alarm went off and he kneeled next to Raphael, Magnus moved away, giving him space. 

“Raphael.” Simon shook the guy gently but got no response from the boy. 

“I thought you kept things out.” He gritted through his teeth as he looked at Magnus. Alec’s eyes widened from the venom in his words. 

“I..I didn’t know.” Magnus said sounding broken and scared. 

“Of course you didn’t. Too busy with..” He trailed off but as he looked near Alec, it was enough to pick up on his slight accusation. 

“That was a low blow.” Magnus said angrily but Alec wasn’t entirely sure that it wasn’t coming from the guilt he felt. 

“I’m sorry.” Simon closed his eyes for a second and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down and compose himself. 

“I knew he got drunk after he found out about his sister. But I didn’t think he was.. back to his old self. He acted a bit odd lately, but I didn’t think he was this far gone.” 

“I can assure you.. I will find out who it was, and they’ll pay.” Magnus said with determination. 

Lewis got up and looked at Magnus. Alec felt like he was a totally different person, there was no trace of Simon’s usual giddy self. 

“Don’t bother. He didn’t get it from here. He got it from someone from the other side.” 

“Who?” Magnus frowned. 

“They knew each other from before. And you fucking dropped her name to him, not even thinking, because you were too busy with yourself. This is your fault. If you haven’t ran to him with your problems and tell him about Camille.. this whole thing would have not happened. There is a fucking reason why we don’t share information about inmates with others and Ragnor knew that too. I am fucking tired of how biased he is when it comes to you.” He practically spat those words toward Magnus who was standing dead in his track, eyes wide open in shock. 

The other guards arrived, taking Raphael straight away. 

Alec just stood next to Magnus, not knowing what to say. The whole situation was like a fucking nightmare. 

“Magnus..” He said carefully, reaching a hand out towards the man. 

“I.. I need some time. To think.” The older man said, not even looking near Alec as he walked out of their unit. 

***

Alec was pacing up and down for a few minutes before he headed towards Ragnor’s office. He wanted to ask him about Raphael’s condition, and he was certain that Simon wasn’t in the mood to talk to him right now.

If Alec learnt something while living with his siblings, is that privacy is a number one rule. No spying, no eavesdropping. Yet, here he was standing in front of Ragnor’s office and as much as he felt guilty, he couldn’t walk away. 

“Magnus you have to tell me what happened. He marched in here, throwing everything at my head..” Ragnor sounded angry and frustrated. 

“No Ragnor, I don’t have to tell you anything.” Magnus snapped back. Alec closed his eyes, hearing the man’s voice was both making his heart pound like crazy and making it sink low in his chest. 

“Look I.. I know it’s hard. I know you don’t want to talk about it-“ 

“Fuck off Ragnor. That’s bullshit. You know I do want to. I want nothing more than to talk about it to someone because I feel like I’m going insane if I can’t let it all out.” 

“Then talk to me Magnus for god’s sake!” 

“Why?! So, you can run to the governor and tell her all about it? Thanks, but no thanks.” 

“Magnus I know it’s hard-“ 

“No! You have no idea what it’s like. I lost everything. I have no one to talk to. I lost my friends when I got in here. I lost the only family I ever knew.” 

“Magnus..” 

“No. I don’t want to hear whatever it is you have to say because you know I’m right. What do you think it feels like not having anyone to call? To write to? Having no one who would want to visit me?” 

“Magnus..” 

“No. I’m not done yet. You have no idea what it feels like.. losing everything.” 

“Is that what you really think?! What do you think how I and Cat felt when we had to watch you being escorted into here? Watching my best friend getting handcuffed and put into a cell? We lost you Magnus too. You were my best friend..and watching you in here.. breaks my heart.. and it breaks Cat’s too. We were a family Magnus. You aren’t the only one who lost something special. We all did..” 

Alec backed away from the door.. before turning around and he particularly fled towards his unit. 

He suddenly remembered the time when Magnus encouraged him to open the letter his sister sent him. It was all clear.. why Magnus never talked about his family or friends.. why he always ditched the subject.. Catarina and Ragnor were his friends.. his family. But when he got in here he lost them. Not because they turned on him. But because they are guards and Magnus is a prisoner. 

Alec’s heart broke as he realised how lonely the man must be.. seeing his friends everyday but not being able to talk to them.. to reach out for those people who were the part of his life for god knows how long when he needs them most.. he didn’t know if he could do that without falling apart. 

He rubbed his face with his hands as he got up to head for some fresh air. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

Simon’s words from earlier made sense. Magnus wasn’t supposed to get access to his files but he did anyway because Ragnor didn’t look at him as a prisoner.. but as a friend. No matter how much they tried not to cross a line, they couldn’t erase years of friendship. 

He wondered if Magnus had used this advantage before… and if he did.. what had he done? 

***

He was walking aimlessly through the corridors in the last hour, he wanted to talk to Magnus but couldn’t get himself to actually face the man. His thoughts were all over the place about Raphael, Simon, Ragnor and Magnus.. he could feel the slight throbbing in his head, the definite sign of the approaching headache he will have to endure soon. 

He turned on the corridor where he spotted Jonathan and Raj. Alec stopped for a second, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk to them, but he doubted they would let him walk past them without any kind of provocation. 

He turned around and was about to leave this part of the block entirely where he heard the familiar noise of a punch. 

He turned around so quickly he almost got a whiplash. 

“You.. fucking piece of shit.” Magnus gritted through his teeth as he pushed Jonathan up to the wall. Alec never saw Magnus taking matters into his own hands but seemed like this time the man must have found his weak spot because Magnus clearly didn’t bother to get someone else to deliver the message. 

His sadden rage must have come as a surprise to the blonde boy because he didn’t fight back for a second. 

“What’s the matter?” He looked at Magnus with a wicked grin. 

Magnus hit him again earning a whine from the man, who now pushed Magnus away. 

“I think you forgot that you are not a top dog anymore. Look around Magnus.” Jonathan said as he whipped the blood off from his mouth, lazily waving around showing that Magnus was alone. Expect he wasn’t. Not anymore. 

“How you go and fuck yourself Morgenstern?” Alec stepped out and walked towards the three of man. Confidence in each step he took, determination in his eyes, hatred in his words. 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me..” He groaned as he looked at them before nodding to Raj. 

The man didn’t hesitate he went for Magnus straight away. 

Alec didn’t know whether or not Magnus could protect himself against the man and he didn’t want to risk it, so he went against his morals and decided to make it into a two against one fight. He hated and despised those people who attacked someone weaker or someone in disadvantage but there was no chance he would not interfere if Magnus was on the line. 

It quickly became obvious for Alec that Magnus needed no hand when it came to fight. Realising that he wasn’t needed he went for Jonathan. 

The man tried to punch Alec, but he ducked his head easily, avoiding every attempts of the man without any difficulty. 

It was over before it really started, Jonathan was pinned to the ground as he laid on his stomach, his arm twisted to his lower back. Alec pushed the back of his hand towards his wrist earning some heavy breathing and muffled groans from the man. This way he could make the man to do pretty much anything, he knew exactly how unbearable the pain could get. 

“Tell Camille to back off. I don’t ever want to find out that she came here to visit anyone.” Alec said as he looked down at Jonathan. 

“You can’t order me around Lightwood.” Jonathan said with a smile as he tilted his head to the side trying to look up at him. 

“Tell her to fuck off or I break your wrist.” Alec said and pushed the man’s hand even more earning a throaty scream from him as the pain jolted through his arm. 

Jonathan’s smile became wider and he looked amused. He led out a hissed laugh. 

“Do it.” He whispered. 

Alec didn’t know if the man bluffed or not, but he certainly didn’t. 

He heard the crack of the bone as he pushed his hand with all his strength. The scream of the man cut through the air. 

“Call her back or I’ll break your other wrist too.” Alec said as he got up and grabbed Magnus’ arm to leave before anyone would show up.


	28. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm spoiling you guys.. 
> 
> SYML - Body
> 
> Again. Thank you my dear for all your help. 💕

“Fuck..FUCK” Magnus said as they got into his unit. Alec didn’t stop dragging Magnus by his arm until they were in Magnus’ room and he shot the door behind themselves.

Magnus sat on his bed, burying his face in his hands, gripping his hair with a growl. 

“Hey..Hey..” Alec said as he kneeled in front of him, gently pushing his hands away from his face to look at him. 

“It’s my god damn fault.” Magnus said and he looked so broken and Alec wasn’t sure what to do. The man seemed to reach his limit completely. 

“Magnus..” He started tentatively, afraid of what was coming. 

“You should have killed him.” Magnus’ voice was low and bitter. 

“What did you just say?” Alec asked and he honestly hoped that he misheard the man. 

Magnus turned around and looked at him with a deadpan look. 

“I said.. you should have killed him.” 

“You can’t be serious..” Alec said and for the first time ever he felt like he knew nothing about the man standing in front of him. 

“Why? Not like you haven’t killed anyone before.” 

It wasn’t what Magnus said but the way he said it.. with despise and disgust in his voice. Alec gapped and could feel the pressure in his chest. He looked away from the man before speaking. It was one of those moments when he had to take a few deep breaths and think about his next move to avoid something slipping out before he could stop himself. 

“That was unfair. You are angry and scared and helpless. I get it. But I didn’t deserve your anger. I didn’t deserve to get that rubbed in my face.” His voice was calm. If Magnus wanted to piss him off it didn’t work. He didn’t get angry, he just felt hurt. 

“You can leave.. you know?” Magnus said and his face was blank, no trace of emotion. 

“Are you telling me to leave?” 

“You want to leave. So, why don’t you just get going? Huh? It’s not like I’m asking you to stay.” Magnus said and Alec’s first thought was to really turn on his heels and walk out. 

“Listen to me very carefully.” Alec said as he stood in front of Magnus, looking into his eyes as he spoke. 

“I am not leaving. I won’t leave you. I won’t walk away from you. I won’t let you to push me away just because you are hurting.” He said and he raised his hands to hold the man’s face between his palms. 

“Why? Everyone leaves me.” Magnus said, choking on the words as he looked up at Alec. He was so vulnerable and Alec could feel the words on the top of his tongue. _Because I love you_

“I won’t. I will never do. No matter what happens.. I will always be here for you Magnus. I will never ever leave you.” Alec said as he leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

He felt the man’s body trembling, his shoulders shaking as he buried his face in the crook of his neck. Tears were making his skin wet and the breath of the man tingled his skin as the soft puffs hit it. 

“It’s okay..” Alec said as he moved his hand to cup the back of his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“I..I’m sorry..” The man said quietly between two cries as he clutched Alec like he was the only safe place on earth. 

He rubbed his back in circles while the man let out all his pain, soothing him while his tears dried up. 

Alec didn’t know how long they stood there in the middle of the room. It felt like hours but it was probably minutes. 

When Magnus spoke again his voice was husky from the crying. 

“Thank you.” 

“You never have to thank me Magnus.” Alec said as he leaned in to kiss the man’s lips gently, just about touching. 

***

Magnus went to talk to Simon later that afternoon, hoping to find out anything about Raphael’s condition. They had to do four bloody re-counts because someone kept fucking it up. Alec had the vague idea that it might be Simon, considering his current mood. 

Alec decided to give them some privacy, so he didn’t join Magnus, instead, he waited for the man in his room. 

He was lying on his back, hands under the pillow when he felt something foreign under his touch. 

He frowned before getting up and flipping the pillow over. 

He felt his heart skipping a beat before it started to hammer in his chest. 

He slowly brushed his fingers over the tiny object. 

_The omamori charm._ It’s been months..and the entire time.. he had it under his pillow. 

Alec laid back down onto the bed with a smile. 

Despite how fucked up everything was around them..for the first time ever..he felt happiness. A level of happiness that couldn’t be ruined by anything or anyone. Not when he had Magnus. Not when they had each other. 

***

“How is he?” Underhill asked when they took their seats at dinner. They all looked at Magnus apart from Alec. He just stared at his plate. 

“He will be okay. They took him away to a rehab centre.” Magnus sighed as he played with his fork. He suddenly looked very tired and worn out. 

Alec still didn’t bring up what he heard in Ragnor’s office. He believed it wasn’t the right time to have that talk even if Alec desperately wanted to. 

Luke looked around before leaning closer to Magnus and Alec, making sure that no one is keeping a close eye on them as everyone returned to their meals. 

“I heard you broke Jonathan’s wrists.” He whispered and Alec spit out his drink in shock. He coughed as some of the liquid made its way down. 

“What?” He whined with his eyes teared up from the burning sensation in his chest. 

“Isn’t it true?” The man asked as his gaze travelled to Magnus. 

“How did you hear about it?” Magnus didn’t look as shocked or off guard from the information as Alec. He always forgot that he was relatively new to this world. 

“Raj. He is very pissed. So is Jonathan, obviously. Raj wanted revenge but Jonathan said he has other plans.” Luke said and Alec could feel the tension in his voice. Having other plans never sounded good but now it sounded like a death sentence. 

“What plans?” Magnus asked and the way he sat and spoke reminded Alec the first time he saw the man. He looked dangerous and someone you would better keep your eyes on. 

He ducked his head slightly as he felt himself getting aroused by the thought of Magnus being in his ‘boss-mode’. 

“I don’t know anything specific. Just that he doesn’t want to fight back out of anger. Look, I don’t know what’s going on exactly but I overheard something..” He sounded careful like he wasn’t sure if he wants to mention it or not, the way he trailed off and avoided Magnus’ eyes. 

“What?” 

“About your father.” Alec looked at Luke as he spoke before his eyes travelled to Magnus. 

The man looked like he just saw a ghost. Blood ran out of his face, lips parted in shock, eyes wide with disbelief. 

“What could he possibly do with my _father_?” 

“Look Magnus.. I have no idea. All I heard was him talking about him. Nothing more.” Luke said as he raised his hands, leaning back against his chair. 

Alec wanted to ask about his dad or what he has possibly to do with Jonathan, but Magnus looked like he was miles away. Zoomed out as he fixated his gaze on a point in the air. 

“I head to my room.” Magnus said as he waved his hand carelessly. He didn’t even touch his food. 

Alec followed him, slightly nervous. He didn’t know much about the man’s family. Fuck. He knew _nothing_ about them. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked as he stood at the door awkwardly. 

Magnus was standing in front of his bedside table, with his back towards Alec. 

He looked behind his shoulder for a moment before he turned around fully, facing Alec. 

He tried to read in the man’s expression, but he didn’t let anything slip through his carefully created mask and he hated it. He hated when Magnus closed him out like that. 

“Right now.. all I want is you.” Magnus said with a low voice before he marched to Alec and pulled him down into a kiss. 

It caught Alec off guard for a second but in the next instant he was kissing Magnus hungrily. 

His hands found the hem of Magnus’ t-shirt and he gently tugged on it. Magnus raised his hands without hesitation and Alec pulled it off before getting rid off his own. His hands trailed the soft skin, fingers grabbing his hip as he flushed their bodies together. 

He moaned into the kiss when he felt Magnus’ hands grabbing his ass gently squeezing. 

He quickly found himself on the bed, Magnus on top of him. 

“You are so beautiful.” Alec whispered as he ran his hands from the man’s shoulder down to his abs. 

Magnus smiled at him before leaning down again to pepper his neck with open mouthed kisses. 

He sighed as he felt the man’s tongue licking the sensitive skin just below his ear. 

His hand roamed around the man’s back, nails sliding over the shoulder blades gently. 

“I want to feel you inside me.” Alec whispered as they parted. 

“Alexander..” Magnus said as he pulled away, turning his gaze from Alec’s. 

“Please..” Alec said as he cupped his face, forcing him to look into his eyes. He wanted it. He really did, with every atom of his body. He wanted nothing more than to feel the man, to connect with him in every possible way. 

They took their time. It wasn’t rushed or quick. It was emotional and gentle. A perfect lovemaking, with every kiss and every caress. 

Alec felt Magnus’ fingers moving inside him with ease. This time there was no pain or discomfort. Just Magnus. Everywhere. 

He slid into him gently, a quiet moan leaving both of them as Magnus bottomed out. 

They panted as they stare into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, allowing them to get used to the sensation of being connected in the most intimate way. 

Alec pulled Magnus down into a kiss, giving permission for the man to move. 

His thrusts were slow and deep like he wanted to savour the moment, like he wanted to remember every moan that was leaving Alec. 

As Magnus’ moves became quicker, Alec intervened their fingers and leaned up for a kiss, his tongue sliding slowly against the man’s. 

Each thrust sent Alec closer and closer to the pleasure. He felt the heat building up, his breath becoming shallower. 

Magnus aimed to hit his sweat spot each time as he buried himself deep inside Alec, earning louder moans and groans from him. 

“Magnus, I-“Whether Alec wanted to say I love you or I’m coming, he had no idea but the next moment he came with a cry as Magnus’ fucked him through his pleasure, following him after a few seconds. 

He felt the heat filling him the same way love filled his heart. 

He fought to stay awake but when Magnus pulled him into his arms to tug him close to his bare chest he drifted off, feeling safe. Feeling at home.


	29. The truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is lost (Ruelle)

Months passed in peace. As much as it can be peaceful in prison. Jonathan was indeed keeping his distance which was actually more worrying than anything else.

Raphael hasn’t returned yet but according to Simon he will return in the next following days. Alec would never admit but he missed the boy. His sarcastic comments and salty remarks always entertained Alec, even when he was the main target of those words. 

Things got a bit hectic lately. There were loads of new inmates coming in which stirred things slightly. 

They were all aware of the two top dogs of the C block. Magnus and Jonathan. They all knew Alec as well which he wasn’t really happy about. He had more than one awkward encounter with some newbies who almost shit himself because Alec glanced at them. He didn’t think he was that scary and honestly had no idea what made them to think that until Underhill explained to him one day at work. 

“Can you really not see why they are scared shitless from you?” 

“No?” 

“Let me explain to you then.. you came in. You stood up for someone you never met before on your first day. You brought drugs in and then sent the top dog into the hole on your first week. A guy was so scared of you, he killed himself, you sent someone to the D block who dared to cross with you, you broke the top dog’s arm. Plus.. Magnus is with you. Sorry to burst your bubble but that scares even me. Even when I know you would have no reason to bother me.” The blonde man shrugged as he explained, and Alec grimaced in discomfort. He sounded like some heartless monster. Those things sounded..awful. Like he meant to do those things, when in reality, they just happened. He didn’t really have much control over how things unfolded. 

“I shouldn’t have asked.” He gritted through his teeth once he finally found his own voice. 

“Well, at least you know now.” The man offered an apologetic smile. 

“I guess.” 

***

Since the time Luke mentioned Magnus’ father, the man has been acting extremely odd. He would disappear for hours sometimes and not let Alec to go with him or tell him what he was doing. He didn’t know what was going on, but the man refused to talk about it. He said he will explain everything once he knows more. 

Alec had absolutely no idea what could be going on, he even considered asking Jonathan, but he quickly ditched the idea. He wasn’t that desperate. 

He felt that the man became obsessed with the whole thing in an unhealthy way. 

Their times together reduced and even then, he could feel how far Magnus was in head. He would talk to him for minutes before he would realise that the man was zoomed out and only hummed occasionally. He tried everything to bring the man back to reality.. he even brought a book to the man he said he always wanted to read but even a week after it was sitting on his bedside table the way Alec left it, unread, untouched. 

Magnus would occasionally show up out of nowhere and throw himself on Alec. Not that he minded but the fact the man only paid him his full attention when he was inside him wasn’t ideal. 

“Damn it, Magnus.” Alec snapped one day when he really lost it and finally had enough. 

“What?!” Magnus asked and his voice was equally annoyed as his gazed snapped to Alec. 

“Well.. I don’t even know. I’m literally kneeling in front of you and you are so fucking gone!” He said as he stood up. 

“You have no idea!” Magnus said raising a finger in anger. 

“Then fucking talk to me!” 

“HE IS IN HERE!” 

“Your..your dad?” Alec asked and his anger was gone just to be replaced by utter shock. His father was dead.. wasn’t he? 

“What? No.. his killer.” Magnus sighed as he buried his face in his hands. 

Alec had no idea what to say to that. There were no words that could comfort someone who just found out that the person who ended his dad’s life is in the same prison complex. 

“Do you know who he is?” Alec asked as he sat down nex to the man. 

“No.. that’s what I tried to find out in the last few weeks, but there are so many new people coming in, its fucking impossible to track down all of them.” He looked up at Alec as he spoke. He looked years older than he actually was, dark circles under his eyes.. his eyes that once were shining were now dull and lifeless. 

“Let me help you.. we can find him together.” Alec said as he placed his hand over the man’s, intervening their fingers. 

“I don’t want you to help.” Magnus said instantly as he shook his head as if he wanted to shake off even the memory of this conversation. 

“Why not?” Alec asked, leaning closer to the man. 

“Because when I find him.. I will kill him.” Magnus said and for the first time ever Alec saw something in the man’s eyes that sent entirely different shivers down on his body as the hairs stood up on his arms. 

“You..you want to kill him?” He asked with disbelief. 

“I don’t just want to kill him. I will kill him. I will strangle that fucking bastard with my bare hands if I have to.. I won’t stop until he is dead.” He growled and Alec couldn’t believe his ears. The man who was always so wise, calm and down to earth..was gone. Like he was a different person.. someone who was thirsting for blood..hungry for revenge.. 

“Magnus.. you can’t be serious..” Alec tried to reason with the man in a desperate attempt. 

“Why?! Why could I not?” 

“Because you are not like this! You never hurt anyone.. you are..good and you always try to solve the issue with your head not with your fist.” He stuttered as he gestured around with his hands. 

“Well guess what.. you know fuck all about me.” Magnus spat towards him and rushed out of the room without looking back. 

Alec’s jaw dropped as he watched the man storming out of his room. He tried to bury this uneasy feeling that was coming from his gut as he swallowed heard. 

There was a storm coming.. 

***

“Good morning everyone. My name is Aline Penthallow. I was asked by the governor of this institute to attend here today.” The entire C block was sitting in the room, the same room where they held the speech earlier that year. A woman was now standing on the podium. She had black hair and Asian features. 

“As we approach Christmas, they wanted you to have the chance to think about the time for giving. You all have loved ones, some of them are in here, some of them are outside, some of them are in heaven. I would like to ask all of you, to write for someone you love. To give them, your love.” 

Alec saw some of the inmates raising an eyebrow while others sort of laughed it off. 

“You can all pretend to be tough guys.. big boys.. but I’m sure as I talked, you all thought about someone you love. No matter, what happened in your past, what you all been through, you all have at least one person that you love unintentionally with all your hearts. Write for them a letter. It doesn’t have to be long, it could be a paragraph or even a few sentences.” 

She said and watched as the guards went around, giving everyone a piece of paper and a pencil. Alec wondered for a second if giving them a pencil would be wise enough, but when he received his own, he realised he would hardly be able to injure anyone with it. They were one of those tiny ones you could hardly hold in your hand comfortably, plus there were extra guards attending for this occasion. 

Alec looked down at his paper. It looked so blank.. so empty. 

“Imagine the person you love in front of your eyes, imagine their faces, their voices, the way they smile and laugh.. the way they look at you. Imagine what you would tell them if they were standing in front of you right now.” The woman kept speaking but Alec couldn’t hear her anymore. 

“The best part about waiting for something to happen is the waiting part. When you are excitedly looking forward to the moment. You wonder what it will be like, what will you do, what will happen. You count the days, getting more and more eager with each of them passing. You feel happy and can’t wait for the days to pass till you only have to sleep one more before it finally begins. The day when it starts is already shadowed by the knowledge that it will be over. You start living the moment that you’ve been waiting for, but you, yet again, start to count the days and this time, you count them nervously with fear and disappointment. There is nothing happy or joyful about it, because you know that with each passing day you are closer to the end. You should really enjoy the moment, but you can’t truly because it’s a bitter sweet sensation which is really sad. You spend god knows how long, looking forward this experience but while you are supposed to relish it and savour it, there is this voice in the back of your mind, constantly reminding you that from the moment it truly begins..` it will end. Then once it’s over, all you have left is the memory of it. A memory that will fade eventually, with each passing day it will be harder and harder to remember. The vivid details will blur, they will slowly vanish.. until you will find it hard to remember what happened exactly. But you will always remember the days when it was all in the future. When you circled the day in the calendar getting closer and closer.. because that moment was truly magical. 

That was until I met you.. Despite knowing that one day it might end I never actually let that feeling to sink in. I always let it happen before and it always ruined everything whether I admitted it or not. With you.. I never wanted to miss a single thing just because I was afraid that one day it might end. The truth is.. I’m nut sure that it hasn’t ended already. And even if it did.. I know I will never forget a single detail about you. No matter how many days will pass I will remember you. I will remember what it felt, being with you, having you. I spent my whole life overthinking, overanalysing everything. My job, my family, myself.. but now I don’t want to think too much because if I do, I might not be able to savour these moments. There are so many things I regretted over the years.. but no matter what happens.. where we will end up in ten years.. I will never regret us..because from the very first day.. it was magical.” 

Once he was done he looked up. He glanced towards Magnus and their eyes met for a moment. Alec could tell from far.. the man’s paper was untouched. He didn’t write anything. Not a single word. 

As much as he wanted to not be affected by it, he felt disappointment. 

He looked back down at his paper. He felt pathetic. 

“Thank you for today, everyone.” He had no idea what happened in the last hour. He was startled by people standing up, pushing their chairs back as they were all leaving the room. He shook his head as he got up. 

He picked up his paper and as he passed the bin, he tossed the crumpled paper ball into it. 

***

“Excuse me.” Ragnor said as he got up from his seat and walked to the door.

Alec was attending his usual meeting with the older man. Every now and on they would have a meeting to see how things are going for Alec. He didn’t particularly mind having to come into his office. He enjoyed being away from Jonathan. The guy recently was in same shady shit and less Alec knew about it the better. 

He knew drug was coming in again. Last week a guy from unit 2 was found dead in the bathroom. He overdosed. 

It was another genuine reason for Alec to hate Jonathan even more. 

When he heard Jonathan laughing and saying that from now on at least the guy won’t be trouble for him, Alec needed all his inner strength to fight the urge to punch him. He was disgusted by how meaningless a life was for the man, considering that he had a part in the guy’s death. Magnus however, clearly asked Alec not to get into trouble with Jonathan. He looked really strange lately and every time Alec tried to talk to him he 

He glanced towards the door and saw Ragnor stepping outside, closing the door behind himself. 

He looked around, trying to find something that would take his mind off all the shit that’s been going on recently. 

The room was simple, there was no personal touch to it. On the right-hand side there was a five drawers metal file cabinet. The one Ragnor opened a few seconds ago to take Alec’s files out as always when they went through things. 

He could feel the waves of guilt running through him. He knew that even thinking about it, was wrong. 

He knew he shouldn’t do it but couldn’t fight it. 

He glanced back at the door, making sure Ragnor was still occupied with whatever he was doing and got up from his seat. 

He pulled out the top drawer. No. 

He pulled out the second one. His eyes ran over the numbers. No. 

He finally found what he was looking for in the third drawer. He looked back at the door. It was still closed. He felt his heart hammering in his chest so hard he was scared it would break his ribs again. 

He nervously licked his lips. He could still stop. 

Fuck it 

J..K..L… _M_

_Criminal offences:_ ****  
_Aggravated assault_  
_Kidnapping_  
_Murder (12)_  
_Blackmail_  
_Possessing Trafficable Quantity of Unregistered Firearms_  
_Police bribery and corruption_  
_Sexual assault_ **  
**

_____ _

____

****

**Sentenced to: 35 years**

Alec pulled his hand back as if the paper burnt him. 

He felt like he was burning in hell right now. 

  
Alec got up and rushed towards the door, murmuring an excuse me to Ragnor in passing. He didn’t know where he was going. He felt numb but his skin tickled, he felt deaf, but the beating of his heart was so loud in his ears it almost hurt, he felt like he couldn’t see, his vision was blurry but he saw the lines so clear in front of his eyes.. he felt like he was about to pass out. To explode. He couldn’t believe it but it was written, documented black and white. 

He sat behind the stairs, staring into the emptiness in front of him. 

How could he.. how was it possible. 

He remembered each gentle touch, each loving caress on his skin and now it was burning, the memory of the man’s touch was burning him like fire. 

He closed his eyes as the memories of their love making flooded his mind. The way Magnus worshiped his body, the way he loved him with passion..now it turned his stomach. 

The man who showed vulnerability towards Alec.. who shared his secrets with him.. the good, the bad and the ugly.. Alec bitterly laughed, burying his face in his hands, fingers running through the messy black locks. 

He didn’t know what to think anymore. They planned, dreamed together.. and now he didn’t even know who the man was. Like he didn’t know him. At all. 

He couldn’t believe that the man he loved was the same man who killed twelve people. 

Alec was so grim he could taste it. He felt his heart breaking from the revelation. His chest hurt so much he didn’t know if he could ever breath freely again. 

He closed his eyes and he wished he could wake up from this nightmare. He knew if he could go back in time, he would never ever read those files. 

He didn’t know what hurt more.. to discover the truth like this or the fact that the man never trusted him enough to tell him himself. 

He would have wait for him. What was the worst of all of this…is that as much as Alec wanted to tell otherwise..deep down he knew he would still wait. Wait for even 30 years.. because he loved him regardless. 

He will always love Magnus. 

The kind. 

The gentle. 

The wise. 

The vulnerable. 

_The killer._


	30. The end game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigrid – Everybody knows
> 
> This chapter is for you OkayUhm. Hopefully i could suprise you once again, if not.. i will surely in a future chapter. ;)

“Alright everybody, calm down!” Jonathan said as he stopped in the middle.

They were all in the laundry room. Alec felt stupid for falling for such a cliché trick. When a guy, one of the newbies came to him earlier, saying that Magnus is waiting for him in the laundry room, he didn’t doubt it for a second. Turns out he should have. 

It was all planned out. He was sure that the cameras were off or at least facing away from them. He knew that no guard will show up because for whatever reason they decided to pretend being blind and deaf and he couldn’t deny the slight betrayal he felt thinking about Catarina, Simon and Ragnor, even if he knew deep down that they were probably the few of those who had no idea about anything going on. Magnus and his crew were standing along the wall, whereas Jonathan’s gang was facing them at the doors. Magnus was held down by a big man, one of Jonathan’s lap dog. Alec was also restrained as soon as he arrived by one of the guys. 

Although the others were technically free, no one dared to move or say anything, they all just watched them in shock. He had no idea what the fuck was happening, and judging the faces of others, they were clueless as well. The only person who seemed to be aware of the situation was Jonathan and that fact somehow made Alec’s blood boil. He felt like some unwilling player in his sick, wicked game. He looked at Magnus trying to communicate with him without words, but he wasn’t paying much attention to him. He tried hard to look calm, not showing any emotions. They both knew that’s what Jonathan was after and he didn’t want to give him the pleasure to be seen vulnerable. 

“Now, I did a bit of a research. I heard rumours that the killer of your father has been a resident of our wee block for around a year now.” He started his speech walking around Magnus. It wasn’t a secret. Magnus knew that whoever killed his father was indeed in the institute, however he wasn’t sure where exactly, but he swore to kill the bastard with his bare hands as soon as he finds him. If he was astonished to find out that he shared the same block with the man for almost a year now, he showed no sign of it. 

“So, while I was doing my little homework, I uncovered something that you will fucking love.” He said with excitement and enjoyment in his voice as he walked to Magnus. He waved his hand, signalling to the guy, who was holding Magnus until now, to leave. Despite of the chance he was given, Magnus didn’t move. He just stood there. Jonathan walked behind him and rested his hands on his shoulders. Alec wanted to snap at him. He didn’t want him to touch Magnus. To hurt him, or even worse..to kill him. He loved him. He loved him so fucking much it hurt. 

“Tell me something Lightwood. Did you ever thought about asking Magnus’ real name?” He asked with a smile on his face. Alec wanted to punch him until that fucking grin was gone. No one ever called him by his first name, so Alec assumed he wanted it that way, therefore he never asked. 

He tried to recall the prison file, but he couldn’t remember seeing a surname. How did he not notice? 

“What?” He wasn’t following. He wondered if someone ended up beating Jonathan up at some point, and now he was showing signs of concussion. His words made no sense at all. 

“Did. You. Ever. Asked. His. Real. Name?” he asked again, emphasizing each word individually, as he was talking to a wee child. 

“N..no..” He stuttered, feeling even more confused, not knowing where this was going, but he had a terrible, terrible feeling slowly creeping up on him. 

“I see. It would have saved us so much dreadful, eventless months. But oh well, as they say, better late than never.” 

“Now Magnus.. Tell me something. Did Lightwood ever tell you why he is in here?” He leaned forward almost whispering the question into his ear. 

“I never asked. It’s none of my business.” He said with a cold tone in his voice. Clearly fed up with Jonathan’s crap. Alec tried to supress the guilt he felt. He didn’t ask either..but he knew. 

“Oh, if you would just know how wrong you are now.” He laughed as he walked away from him to stand next to Alec. His stomach flinched. 

“Tell him.” He said to him smiling as he nodded his head towards Magnus’ direction. 

“What?” Alec asked, his voice harsh, indicating his annoyance and anger by this point. 

“Tell him the name of the man you killed. Tell him!” His voice was demanding, his smile was gone. He wasn’t asking, he was done playing. It was the beginning of the end game. 

“Why does it matter? It’s done. I can’t change it. No one can. Why does it matter who it was?” He asked, resisting to obey. 

“Tell him his name!” He shouted with anger, suddenly a knife pointed at his neck, firmly pressed to his artery. 

“Don’t you dare to touch him!” Magnus growled, shaking with anger, fire in his eyes. 

“Oh this is soooo much fun.” Jonathan laughed clearly enjoying the show he put on. 

“Now go ahead, tell him.” He said again not taking his eyes off Magnus. 

“Chop chop Lightwood. I’m starting to lose my patience.” He pressed the knife into his skin a bit more. 

“Asmodeus.. Asmodeus Bane.” He said it finally, hoping to finish quicker if he plays along. 

“No..” Magnus breathed. His face displayed utter shock and disbelief. Raphael’s eyes went wide along with the others. 

“Wha..What?” Alec was still didn’t know what was going on and his confusion just kept growing and growing. 

“Yess! Ahh love it! Love the tension. Amazing. But seems like Lightwood was dropped onto his head as a baby , so let me spell it out for you.” He said as he stepped in front of him. He slightly bent down to be able to look into Alec’s eyes. “This man– he signalled towards Magnus – who was accused of murder, assault, kidnapping and all the other things, will rot in here for decades, because the only person who could have proven his innocence, because he is indeed innocent, is dead. His father, the evil bastard who did all those unspeakably terrible things is gone because of you. Yes… you killed him. This man in front of you – he stepped away and walked to Magnus – is no one else than the son of Asmodeous Bane, Magnus Bane. Yes Magnus.. your precious Alexander Lightwood, the man you loved and trusted, took your father’s life and your freedom with it.” By the end he was only whispering the words, but it was so quiet you could have heard the drop of a pin. 

“No..” Magnus said again and looked at Alec with a look on his face as he only saw him now for the first time. 

“Oh yes. Now. You wanted to find the man who destroyed your life and you did. Well, I did but let’s not hang on the details.” He continued and started to walk back to Alec holding the knife in his hand. 

“He wants to kill you for what you did to him. But where is the fun in that? So, take it.” He held the knife out to Alec who was standing in his spot, rooted to the ground. 

He knew he was right. Magnus wanted to murder the man who killed his father. Alec knew Magnus would do it without hesitation. He would kill him, despite everything they had, he probably would have done it the moment he is handed the knife. 

He looked at the offered weapon then looked at Jonathan before his gaze travelled towards Magnus. He couldn’t look him in the eye. He knew what he would see, and he couldn’t bear the thought of it. 

“Kill him Lightwood. He would do it without a second thought, he would end your life without a heartbeat. You know it. He said it himself for months. So, kill him. Do it!” 

And Alec did. He took the knife and stabbed him. Once. Twice. He kept burying the knife into his abdomen over and over again until the last spark of life left his body. He listened to the man as he choked on his own blood that was pouring out of his mouth to stain the floor, his clothes. His arm hurt but he kept stabbing him until his last breath. He looked him in the eyes, watched the terror, surprise, shock and pain fading until he was lying lifeless. Then without a word, he dropped the knife, his hand and upper body covered in crimson red blood, he walked to the red button displayed on the wall and pressed it.


	31. Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When you close your eyes, what do you see?_   
>  _Do you hold the light or is darkness underneath?_   
>  _In your hands, there's a touch that can heal_   
>  _But in those same hands, is the power to kill.._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Man or a monster - Sam Tinnesz ft. Zayde Wolf

He looked down at his hands. The hands that played with Izzy’s hair so many times as they were kids, the hands that held his little brother, the hands that patted Jace’s back countless times in the past, the hands that cooked food for his siblings, the hands that gave gentle touches to others… the hands that now, were covered in blood.

The dried blood reminding him of what he has done. The darkness of it was creating a high contrast with his pale skin. 

It was unfitting. Unnatural. 

The water was so cold it felt like hundreds of needles were piercing his skin. He rubbed his hands as hard as he could to get rid of the last trace of evidence. The last drop of reminder of what he has done. 

He hoped if he rubs hard enough, he can rub the memory of it from his mind. Maybe once the last hint of redness disappears it will be like it never happened. Like he never killed. Like he never murdered. Again. 

His reflection in the mirror was foreign. He saw himself but it wasn’t him. 

He didn’t know who the man was looking back at him, but it wasn’t him. It couldn’t be. 

There was a drop of blood on his cheek. He slowly lifted his hand and smeared it, watched as the tiny drop became a line, as it grew from something so small into a huge mark. 

On his face. On his face that was gently kissed by his sister, on his face which was so often caressed by his mother, his face that now was tainted. Tainted with someone’s blood. 

Alec looked into the mirror and wondered what he saw in it.. a man or a monster? 

He didn’t know. 

***

Alec was lying on an old bed with a mattress that was at least 30 years old, the springs pressing into his back uncomfortably as he stared at the blank ceiling.

He didn’t know how long he was in there. 

It felt like years. He had no idea what day it was. Was it still the same month or they entered a new one? Who knows.. 

Fuck he couldn’t even tell what part of the day it was. Was it morning or afternoon? 

He was in the E block. The hole. 

He got food twice a day and had a toilet and a sink in his cell. There was a shower outside. Once a day a guard came in at a random time and he was led out to take a shower. He had strictly two minutes to wash himself while the guard watched him. 

It was a new level of humiliation. 

He could have asked one of the guards when they took him to shower or when they pushed in his tray to feed him about the date, but he didn’t know if they would answer. And there was no point anyway. 

He had loads of time to think. Fuck he had all the time on the world. 

He couldn’t recall what happened exactly on that final night, not as if he would want to, the only thing he remembered crystal clear was what Lewis murmured to him when he closed his cell and it haunted him in his sleep and wakefulness. 

“Why?” The boy asked and his voice was full of emotions..disappointment, shock, sadness.. 

It was a fair question. _Why_

He gave so much thought to that question, even if deep down he knew the answer.  
It was either his life or the other’s.  
He knew in that moment that only one of them would leave the laundry room alive.  
And he didn’t want to die.  


Not like this. Not in here. Not now. 

Every time he closed his eyes he saw the realisation, the shock..the confusion as he buried the knife into his body. He felt like a monster..and maybe he was. 

He wondered if they told his family about what happened. They probably had to. He killed someone while serving his sentence, it surely added a few years to his time in here. 

He could see his sister’s face in front of him as they tell them that her brother killed an inmate. He could almost see her eyes diluting in surprise and disbelief. He could almost hear her voice saying that Alec, his big brother wouldn’t even hurt a fly. 

He couldn’t blame her thinking that it was impossible. Alec would have never hurt anyone. 

But in here, he wasn’t Alec or big brother. He was Lightwood. 

He knew he changed. He heard people saying before that prison changes you. That it brings a side of you out that no one knew has existed. 

He also thought about his mum. What did she think of him now? Was he a disgrace? An abomination? He had no idea, he only hoped that one day his mother would forgive him. That they all would. 

He didn’t just take the time away from himself but from his family too. 

He remembered his first day and that how sorry he felt for himself. 

He was too selfish to realise that he wasn’t the only one who suffered. He was ripped out from the comfort of his loving siblings. They lived together in his whole life even after they left the family home and Alec was gone from one day to another. It must have hurt them just as much as it hurt him. 

He sat up as he heard the door open. It couldn’t be that long since the last meal. He was practically still full. 

A young woman came in along with a guard. Her curly black hair standing out in all direction. 

He never saw her before and based on her clothing she definitely wasn’t a new guard, she didn’t look like a doctor and Alec didn’t need medical help. 

“Hello Alec. I’m Maia.” The woman said as she brought a plastic chair in. 

“I’m the prison psychologist.” She added once she took a seat. Alec just blinked at the woman, did they think he was crazy? Did she think that? Was he insane? No, he wasn’t, not yet anyway. 

“I think you entered the wrong cell. The retarded is next door.” He said sarcastically, pointing towards the wall on his left. 

He wasn’t lying. The guy next to him was having serious issues. He would often hear him talking about things like demons, seelies, warlocks, shadowhunters and what not. Sometimes he would shout things like the Clave was behind all this, whoever the Clave was, and that they can’t keep him in like some mundane for breaking the accords. Alec had no clue what he was on about, he didn’t even know the meaning of half of those words. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll get to him as well. But now I’m here to speak to you.” 

She said and Alec could see her lip involuntarily twitching slightly. She almost cracked a smile. 

“Alright.” Alec sighed, even if he didn’t want to admit he seriously needed some kind of company, and if it has to be a shrink, then let it be. He wasn’t choosy. 

“It goes without saying that you have been charged with murder. How does that make you feel? Not that you killed someone again, but the fact that you will be spending more time in here than you initially thought.” 

“It is kind of obvious. I am not surprised if that’s what you are asking.” 

“Did you regret it?” She looked at him with a serious impression. 

“No.” He really didn’t. He would do it again. 

“What happened on that day?” If she was expecting Alec to confess some sort of regret, she hid it well. 

“Don’t you know?” He asked back dodging the question. 

“No. No one talks about it.” 

“Well.. too bad cause I won’t either.” He thought that by now everyone would know what happened, finding out that it wasn’t the case left him with absolute fear. Not talking and involving the guards only meant that they want to handle it themselves.. in their own way. 

“Listen to me.. I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” The woman sounded slightly desperate. 

“Guess what.. I don’t need you help.” Alec said as he leaned forward. 

“Yes, you do.” She raised her voice a bit and Alec could see her nostrils flaring with frustration. 

“Why do you care?” 

“Because we don’t know what happened that night. All we know is that when the alarm went off, they rushed to the laundry room to find a dozen inmates standing frozen in their tracks a dead body and you kneeling on the floor with your hands raised, covered in blood.” 

“Sounds like you know the vitals.” 

“I need to know why..” 

“It doesn’t matter.” “It does! Because your trial is coming up. Every single inmate who was in that room could be called out to testify and we have no idea what they will say. If they will be lying or telling the truth.” She was visibly angry by now. 

“Well I guess we’ll find out when the time comes.” He said and could feel the terror grabbing his whole being. He knew there will be no trial to attend. 

The woman just gapped. Whatever she was expecting to happen today was clearly not going as planned. 

“Alec… I’m here to help. I want to help. But I can’t if you don’t let me.” 

“Are you really this dumb?!” He shouted in anger and jumped up but didn’t approach the woman, not wanting to be seen as a potential threat. 

“You can’t help me! No one can! As soon as I’m back that’s me done. I’m a dead man!” His shout was so loud it left his voice rusty. 

The woman was clenching her jaws together so tightly that Alec could see it. She stood up and signalled to the guard who moved slightly to the side. She stood up and headed towards the door but before she left, she looked behind her shoulder and added. 

“I guess we’ll see about that. You will be placed back into the C block tonight.” Not waiting for a respond, she stepped out and the guard shut the door. 

***

Alec couldn’t remember the last time he cried. He was sure he never cried like this before. He was petrified. He knew that once he is back, they will come for him and there is no chance he will get out of this alive. Not this time. 

His whole body was shaking violently as his tears rolled down on his cheeks. He wondered how long it takes to run out of tears. They had to stop eventually. 

Hours later he found himself lying on his back again, looking at the ceiling. He wished he could see his siblings just for one minute. He would give anything for a last moment with them. 

Just for one more ‘I love you.’ 

He heard someone approaching his cell and the next moment Ragnor was standing there with handcuffs in his hand. 

“Protocol.” He said and Alec got up and held his hands out. The cuffs closed with a loud snap in the silence. The metal was so cold around his skin it almost felt like a burning sensation. 

He leaned down to grab his stuff and followed the man outside. 

They walked next to each other through the numerous corridors without a single word. 

He didn’t know what will happen, but he was mortified. Every single atom in his body shouted him to run. But there was no where to run. There was no escape. 

They stopped as they reached the main doors to the C block. He swallowed as Ragnor slowly lifted his card to open them. He wanted to shout at him to stop. He wanted to beg him not to, but the words died in his throat before he could even open his mouth. 

The doors opened and they stepped inside. 

It was 8.30pm. The corridors were crowded with people. When they all looked towards the doors Alec could see their eyes widening. They all stepped out of the way, moving to the walls, giving free space to them to trespass. It was absolute silence as they walked through the crowd. No one said a word or moved. 

Well almost no one. Suddenly someone stepped out and Alec had a moment to recognise the boy before he raised his hand and punched him in the face. 

It hurt more than what he thought it would. He wasn’t surprised, however. 

No matter how much he wanted he couldn’t hide the pain as he looked into Raphael’s eyes. Not the physical pain but the one that was burning him inside since that night. The boy’s eyes were full of emotions. 

“Santiago.” Ragnor grabbed his arm and sturdily placed him back next to the wall. 

“One more move like this and you can get Lightwood’s old bed in the hole.” He warned him. 

The younger man didn’t say anything but kept his gaze on Alec as he started walking again. 

He was expecting Ragnor to keep going straight ahead but the man turned left at the next corner. 

“Where are we going?” Alec asked and stopped immediately. 

“To your new unit. You’ve been relocated to unit 5.” 

No. Fucking. Way. 

There was no chance he would go to that unit. He has been there more times that he could count. He spent his happiest days in there. He knew that place better than his own unit. But to go there and live there after all this.. he couldn’t do it. 

“No.” He said and shook his head. Ragnor raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s not really up to you. So, keep walking or I’ll make you.” His voice was authoritative giving no chance to resistance. 

The only reason he kept moving was due to the respect he felt towards the older man. If anyone else would have been there with him now he would have never taken another step willingly. 

***

Once they got there Ragnor just pointed towards his new room without a comment. The whole unit was empty. Not a single person hanging around. 

Grabbing the opportunity Alec hold his hands out to Ragnor so he could remove the handcuffs and with a quick nod he disappeared behind the door. 

He closed it and leaned his head against it as he let out a shaky breath. 

He wanted to spend his remaining time with something useful. Maybe writing a letter to his siblings or just day dreaming about them, but despite his efforts the moment his head touched the, significantly softer, pillow he fell asleep. 

He had no idea how long he was asleep for, but it was dark outside, and no voice was coming in from the common room. He wondered why no one woke him up for the counting but he assumed that Ragnor was handling it. 

Or the guard was payed down so he wouldn’t interfere. He prayed for the first option. 

He was suddenly wide awake. The fear from earlier came back with a newly found enthusiasm. 

He wanted to stay in this room for the next upcoming years, but he couldn’t. 

He knew he had to outbrave whatever was waiting for him on the other side of the door, so with a deep breath he pulled the door open. 

His gaze jumped straightaway to the man sitting on the couch. 

The other man was looking at him as well without any expression displayed on his face. 

His body was leaning forward while his elbows were resting on his legs, fingers intertwined. 

He spent days after days preparing himself for this moment, but nothing could have prepared him for hearing his own name rolling off the other man’s tongue so gracefully. 

“Welcome back, _Alexander_. ” Magnus said as their eyes met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No surprise here.


	32. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _If this was meant for me, why does it hurt so much? And if you not made for me, why did we fall in love?_
> 
> SMYL - Fear of the water 

_Being scared of something is like being captured, being locked away, being paralyzed by your own mind. Even the thought of facing those said fears can leave your breathless, can make your heart miss out a beat. However, it’s something that is inevitable, sooner or later something or someone will force you to look them in the eye. If the odds are on your side, you will be able to overcome them and be free. If the odds are against you.. your biggest fear turns out to be something entirely different from what you originally thought it would be and you only realise that once you are standing face to face with it and then, your biggest fear becomes a wish._

  


Alec opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn’t know what to say or what to expect. 

Will the man attack him? 

Will he fight back? 

Should he go back to his room? 

Should he stay? 

He kept thinking about what his next move should be when the man spoke up. 

“During my life I have met so many people. Some of them became my friends.. some of them became my enemies.. some of them I can’t even remember. There were people who supported me, who were there for me in good and bad, others betrayed me, used me, walked over me like I didn’t matter. 

I treated them according to how they treated me. I always offered what I received, nothing less nothing more. 

I had people who were my friends and they became my enemies. Because they did something unforgivable, something I couldn’t accept no matter how much our friendship meant for me.” The man’s voice was lacking any emotions and Alec truly couldn’t tell if he was speaking out of anger or something entirely different. “It killed me every time but with time I moved on, I got stronger and I became more careful with others. It taught me a lesson, one that was hard to pay, but worth it at the end. 

I learnt when to let people go, when to let things go.. 

I managed to break up with Camille despite of loving her for years because I realised that I wasn’t loved, valued and respected. 

I thought I would die but I managed, just about, but survived. Built my walls up, stronger than ever, promising myself that no one could ever break them down, that no one ever again would get my heart because I couldn’t endure the pain again. 

I spent the last couple of days, thinking over and over again. About you, about us..about this whole thing. My father.. and what you’ve done and how that affected me. I know what happened on that night. 

The worst part is.. that I thought I would hate you. I thought I would despise you with every breath I have. I thought I would want you to suffer just as much as I do because you are the reason why I’m still in here. 

I wanted to blame you, hate you.. but no matter how hard I tried.. _I still love you._

Despite everything.. I love you Alexander.” The man said with a shallow breath, fighting the tears that were already coming, crashing down.. Alec felt like someone was holding his entire body and soul in a tight grasp and he was about to suffocate. 

“And it hurts because I love you. Because I thought we will have a life together.. I thought when, we get out we will have each other. That I will have you. I thought I will finally have a family of my own, a family beyond my friends.. a real family.. I even played with the idea of having kids.. I wanted it so much.. and I believed that it could happen. I believed that after everything we’ve been through..we deserve it. That it was meant to be, that we meant to meet, to find each other.. and now.. I feel so empty.. broken.. and the only person who could build me up.. make me whole again.. is the reason of my pain.. and it kills me.. because I need you so much I can’t even express it. The only thing that could ease my pain is you. Feeling your touch on my skin, your lips on my lips, your heartbeat against mine would make me feel alive.. and I can’t have it. I can’t have you. 

Forgiving you would be easy.. so easy and it would free me. Every part of my body screams for me to do and god only knows I want nothing more. 

I want to forgive you because I feel like not forgiving you is like shooting myself. But if I forgive you, I have to forgive you almost five years I spent in here and I would have to forgive another thirty. If I would forgive you, I would forgive that I was sentenced for something I have never committed, I would forgive that I lost my freedom because of something I have never done. That I’m punished for something I never did.. and I can’t because it wouldn’t be fair. This whole thing.. is so unfair already.. if I would forgive you.. I would say that it’s okay.. and its’s not. If I turn my back on myself, by forgiving you.. I will have nothing left that would remind me that I don’t deserve this. I never did. It’s like taking the last spark of light away from myself in the darkness. I would betray myself.. I have no one left.. but myself.. and I can’t lose myself. 

I wanted to forgive you. Afterall, I wanted to be able to forgive you for everything. So badly, it hurts.. I wanted to tell you that it’s okay. That I don’t blame you. That I know you didn’t mean this to happen. That I love you and that it doesn’t matter.. 

But it does. It does matter. And no matter how much I love you.. 

You took my life away. You took my freedom away..and _I can never forgive you, Alexander._ ” He said looking at Alec, his cries were quiet, but Alec knew he will never forget the heart-breaking sound of his sobs, the way his voice shook, the way his body trembled. 

They stood in front of each other. The pain they both felt was overwhelming, suffocating. It was crushing them mercilessly with each spoken word, with each confession.. it was like an invisible hand, pushing them away from each other, ripping them apart, pulling them under the water when all they want is breath. To break free. 

They needed each other. Now more than ever. They both were hurting on a level they never experienced, never dared to believe that it existed. 

Their love was wrong. Not a wrong kind, not an unhealthy one, not one that was attacked or banned by anyone. It was wrong because it wasn’t supposed to exist. Not after everything, yet it was so strong and what seemed like, unbreakable. Selfless, pure and true. Yet.. it was killing them both. 

Alec mutely cried, tears rolling down his cheeks as he was only an arm away from the man. He wanted to step to him, to touch him, to hug him.. anything. Seeing him hurting was killing Alec. Each confession, each tear was like a stab in his heart. 

Hearing that he still loved him was the worst he could have been told. He was okay being hated, being loathed, being despised.. but being loved? That wasn’t. Hearing that the man wanted to forgive him made his heart stop.. because he didn’t deserve it. He knew he would never forgive himself. He knew it wasn’t his fault entirely, he knew he didn’t mean it.. they both did.. but it didn’t change anything. It didn’t make things any better.. 

Alec slowly raised his hand as he looked into Magnus’ eyes. The eyes he loved and adored endlessly, the eyes that always captured him with their beauty, the eyes he got so lost in, so many times before, the eyes that now showed Magnus’ soul, bare and raw. 

A part of him wanted the man to say no, to push his hand away, to step away from him, to stop him, but at the same time, he felt he will die if he can’t touch him, just once. Just for the last time. 

His hand was shaking as he slowly touched the warm skin, his fingers barely touching. 

Magnus closed his eyes with a sigh, it was shaky, it was coming from deep down. 

Alec closed his eyes, memorising what it feels like, touching the man, being this close to him, feeling the warmth of his body, the closeness of h- 

Alec’s breath hitched the moment he felt the soft lips pressing to his. It was so desperate so sudden. He felt dizzy from the unexpected sensation, a sensation he never thought he would experience again. 

Magnus cupped his face as he pecked his lips with feather like kisses, their lips barely touching. It was a simple kiss holding so many emotions. It was like breathing again yet it took his breath away..it was sweet yet bitter.. it was freeing yet capturing.. it was welcomed.. yet it was a good bye..and most of all.. it was like a first kiss..but Alec knew it was their last one. 

***

Alec buried his face in his hands and remembered his thoughts from earlier.. how scared he was that they would kill him.. and now.. sitting in the darkness..all alone.. he whished they would have. He wished he would be really dead right now, because the pain he was feeling was excruciating to the point where he felt death would be a relief even though..he felt like he died today..deep inside he felt like he was dead.


	33. Magnus Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might have a confession to make.  
> With Shadowhunters coming to an end, I found it hard, to post the final chapter.  
> Maybe because this is the very first multi chapter story I shared with you guys \the one I actually finished/ ,maybe because I grew so fond of it, that letting it go, hurt me.  
> Or maybe because i didnt want it to be over, the same way i didnt want the show to be over.  
> But it has to happen at some point.  
> The same way I had to come to terms with the tv show being over, I have to accept that this journey is now over.  
> Thank you so much for those who followed this story, for those who commented, and for the huge number of kudos it received.  
> It really makes me feel happy and seeing you guys being so invested, so hooked on this, means the absolute world to me.
> 
> Thank you for each and every one of you. You are all amazing! 
> 
> PS. Freya Ridings - Lost without you

Alec looked around as he stood in the corridor.

It was so light as the sun escaped in through the windows. It was summer. The weather was warm and smelled like sun. 

He wondered what he would be doing right now if he was a free man. Maybe they could have went for a picnic in central park. Maybe he would get some ice-cream.. 

He sighed as he looked at Lydia at the end of the corridor. She was talking to someone. Alec couldn’t hear a word, but Lydia looked annoyed and frustrated as she gesticulated with her hands, making her tight ponytail move vehemently. 

Alec tilted his head as he watched the two getting into a heated argument, well Lydia was getting into one, the other man looked calm and composed. 

She waved with her hand in a ‘fuck it’ way as she walked towards Alec. Her expression wasn’t giving Alec an ease of mind. It made him nervous, he knew something was wrong. Very wrong. 

“What?” He asked and it left his mouth almost as a choke. 

“Let’s get inside. I’ll tell in you in there.” Lydia pressed her lips together as she pointed towards the doors of the court room. 

Alec didn’t hesitate, he just walked in with Lydia behind her and took a seat at the front row. 

The room wasn’t overly crowded, his family wasn’t there yet. He looked around, spotted a lawyer sitting across from them, assumingly here to take him to pieces. 

He wasn’t nervous. He knew Lydia knows her shit and will fight for him with whatever she has. He would trust her with his life without hesitation. 

He remembered when he was first let out to talk to her about his case. Despite having fuck all time before his trial, his first thing was to bring up Magnus’ case. He spent hours thinking about the whole situation while he was in the hole. He promised to himself that he will do anything and everything he can to get justice for him. No matter what, he would make sure the man gets a new trial. Lydia shushed him first, saying that she is there to talk about Alec’s case, but Alec didn’t give in. Not until he told everything to Lydia about the other man and his circumstances. 

_“Listen.. He is innocent. His father committed all the crimes and now he is paying the price.”_

_“Alec-“ Lydia started with a sigh and Alec raised his hand to stop her right there._

_“No. Listen to me Lydia. Magnus did nothing. His father was in some shady shit. He assaulted people, tortured them.. even killed them. I don’t know if he wanted his own son to get in here or it was a convenient solution or a price, he was willing to pay to keep on running, but it happened. He got 35 years to spend in prison for a crime he never committed. He didn’t even know his father was this down the road. He had a case going on, he tried to appeal against his conviction, tried everything to prove his innocence and to prove that in fact his father was guilty for all those things for years. But then his father died. And there was nothing he could have done after all. It happened just before the trial.” Alec said with determination in his voice._

_“I don’t understand Alec. If whoever was taking his case couldn’t get him out of there, how could I? And why? I understand you got close to him and that you care about him, but it doesn’t work like this.” Lydia sounded tired as he looked into Alec’s eyes, not understanding why it was so important right now when Alec’s life was at stake._

_“Because of who his father was.” Alec said, not blinking._

_“Why? Who is his father?”_

_“Asmodeus Bane.” Lydia’s face was priceless. It went from surprise, to shock, to realisation and then pity._

_“The man you killed to save Isabelle.” Lydia whispered._

_“Yes.” Alec nodded, taking his gaze from the woman._

_“Does he know?” Lydia asked after she cleared her throat, overcoming her initial shock._

_“Yes.” Alec nodded, looking down at the table. It was scratched here and there. He could see his own reflection on the metallic surface. His face was pale, tired with enormous circles under his eyes._

“Alec..” Lydia said, dragging him out of his thoughts. He shook his head and looked around. Almost everyone was present, his mother and siblings were sitting a few rows behind him, seemingly nervous. 

They were waiting on the judge to arrive. 

“Yes?” Alec lifted his head, looking at the woman. 

“I.. I’m sorry. They brought forward his trial.” Lydia said with an apologetic look, her voice was careful almost scared. 

“What do you mean? To what time?” Alec asked, feeling the panic creeping up in his throat. 

“11.00am.” Lydia only whispered as she bit her lips nervously. 

“What?! No, that can’t be. It’s 10.30 now.” Alec said with his eyes flickering between the clock and Lydia. 

“I know. I tried everything. They won’t change it. They don’t want me to represent you both. I reasoned that they can’t do that since the trials would interfere with one another, but they said it’s not their problems that I can’t manage my time properly, plus that I requested Magnus trial to be brought forward. I’m sorry Alec. I know I screwed up, but there is nothing I can do.” Lydia said and Alec saw the honesty in her impression. 

Alec licked his dry lips before he spoke. “So, what now?” 

“Well, I can’t represent both of you obviously. An attorney will arrive for Magnus. I will pass my notes to him or her. I’ll stay with you.” 

“No..no..” Alec shook his head, he couldn’t believe that this was really happening. 

“Are we ready to start?” A deep voice startled Alec as he was trying to keep himself together as the desperation rushed through his mind. “The law is hard, but it is the law. That’s what you always say. 

Your job is to make sure innocent people are not punished for something they never committed. Your job is to save them from injustice by providing justice. 

He is innocent. I’m not. So, go and save him. Save Magnus.” 

“Alec-“ Lydia started but Alec already made his decision. 

The hardest and easiest one at the same time. 

He thought about the man as he looked at the judge, the man who was in prison for 5 years already, despite his innocence, because of him. 

He would never be free again, no matter what happens. He would always carry the guilt of killing two people. Because at the end of the day, he didn’t just kill Asmodeus, but he also killed Magnus. He took his life away. And now he was ready to give it back. 

“Your honour, I’m, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, herby plea as guilty for the murder of Jonathan Morgenstern.” He said it as clearly as he could with one breath. 

The whole courtroom froze. It was so silent that it almost hurt his ears. He looked at Lydia, not caring about the shock and pain in her eyes. 

“Go.” He said again and the woman stood up, her movement uncoordinated as she left the court room after a quick explanation towards the judge. 

Alec looked towards his family with a sad smile. Izzy just nodded as tears appeared in her eyes. He knew she knew it. He knew she forgives him. For this. _For everything._

***

They stood the opposite end of the corridors. 

Alec wearing his prison uniform again and he gently smiled at the man. 

Magnus was wearing a burgundy suit. 

He remembered thinking about what he would look like in a suit. Remembered how much he wanted to see the man just once, in his own clothes. 

He exceeded all his expectations. The man was breathtakingly beautiful. 

Magnus looked at him, his eyes covered in glittery make-up. His nails painted black, fingers covered in rings. He spotted a few necklaces under the black shirt as he left the top two buttons undone. 

He was wearing tight black trousers and a black pair of shiny brogues. 

If perfection excited it was standing right across him. 

He forgot how to breath, how to swallow, all he focused on was to look the other man without blinking, hoping that if he stares at him intensively enough, the sight will burn into his memory. 

He never wanted to forget the man. The elegance, the grace of his gestures, movements. 

The way he half-smiled before saying something sarcastic. 

The way he rolled his eyes with slightly parted lips. 

The way he looked down before he would let out an embarrassed chuckle. 

The wrinkles between his eyebrows when he was deeply lost in his thoughts or when he was confused. 

The way he closed his eyes when Alec worshiped his body and soul. 

The little groans and moans leaving his lips as they made love. 

The taste of his lips on his own. The silkiness of his warm touch. The perfectly smooth caramel skin under his caress. 

“Hey pretty boy, why don’t you come with me?” The voice sent completely different kind of shivers down his body. He could smell the guy’s cologne. It was nice. Intoxicating. He remembered the shiver he felt when the man whispered into his ears on his very first day, calling him pretty boy. The first time anyone called him pretty. Not hot or handsome, but pretty. It was unique, it was special. 

He remembered as he inhaled the sweet scent of cologne when he stood close enough to the man or when he buried his face in the crook of his neck. 

He remembered when the man first called him Alexander. 

_“Did I choose the right side?” He licked his lips as he looked into the older man’s eyes._

_“You did Alexander.” His name rolled off the other man’s tongue so gratefully that if Alec could only hear one thing for the rest of his life, he would want it to be his name coming from Magnus._

He felt his heart beating faster as he recalled the memory of their first kiss. 

_“What was that all about?” He asked after Magnus shut the door closed behind them._

_“Discretion?” Magnus said but it sounded more like a question than a statement._

_“For what?” Alec asked and watched as the man walked towards him, making him involuntary step back until his back hit the door._

_His heart was pounding so loudly, he was afraid the whole damn block heard it._

_“I wanted this for so long.” Magnus whispered as he stopped in front of Alec with almost no space between their bodies, looking at Alec in the eyes then his lips._

_He didn’t know who moved first but the next moment their lips met and they kissed each other. It open-mouthed, urgent, hungry and passionate._

He remembered as the man talked about his past, showing a level of vulnerability, Alec never thought he would see. The confession of wanting to know everything. _”I want to know everything about you. The good, the bad and the ugly.”_ He said with a smile. 

A smile that was Alec’s anchor. His focal point. Because he knew that as long as he could see that smile.. everything will be okay. 

They talked about their dreams, their hopes and their plans. 

_“I will adopt a cat. I already have a name in mind.”_

_“Yeah and what it is?”_

_“Chairman Meow.”_

He remembered each time they comforted each other with smiles, soothing words, kisses and touches. 

He remembered everything. 

He never wanted to forget even the smallest details about him, and he knew he would never do. 

_He will never forget Magnus Bane._

He hoped that one day Magnus will find happiness and he knew he would, because after spending exactly 1825 days in prison, he had his whole life ahead of him as a free man. 

A guard startled Magnus as he stood behind him, gently taping his arm, pointing towards the main doors, towards freedom. 

Magnus looked back at Alec, he caught something in the man’s expression. He wanted to say something to Alec. He knew what the other man wanted to say, but it was his time to talk. Before he got the chance, Alec just mouthed towards him, making a confession he should have a long time ago. Admitting something that was there the entire time, knowing that this is his last chance. 

_"I love you"_

  


**_Thank you._ **

****

****

Thank you for everyone who followed this story, left comments and kudos to keep me going. Thank you for those who joined our favourite characters to prison and stayed with them till the end. It was a rough ride, I know. 

I thought a lot about how to end this story. I spent.. weeks thinking about it. A part of me screamed for a happy ending, prayed for a miracle to happen so Alec and Magnus could get the life they both deserved, together. But I couldn’t make it happen. No matter how much I wanted. 

Orson Welles once said, “if you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” 

But I let you imagine it. 

That maybe, when Alec gets out, someone will be there waiting for him. Leaned against a car.. with a smile on his lips. 

That maybe, when he gets to his new flat.. a small cat runs over to him.. with a name tag “Chairman Meow”. 

But maybe these things never happen.. and their paths never cross again. 

When we think of “meant to be” we automatically assume forever. But maybe it isn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it’s just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe the forever is not the person, but what we gain from them. 

_I let you imagine it, because everything you can imagine is real._


	34. Everything is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s back?

Remember when all those times ago I said everything you can imagine is real?  
Well, I don’t know who imagined a second part for this story.. but ITS REAL!  
I decided to make a sequel to this story. So if you guys up for another crazy ride in the c block.. be my guest xxx


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